Oct 17, 2008

On The Menu Today....Poop!!! Mmmmmm

The day started out like any other ordinary day in the life of Kristen....oh oops...my bad.....no it didn't. It started out like a train wreck when I was jolted out of bed at the early hour of 7:30 by Care Bear who sauntered into my room, turned on the TV and settled into watch Nick Jr. (Not that I expect my 6 year old --although she is usually more organized than I am-- to voluntarily get herself up and start getting ready for school when Mom is crashed out in bed still.) It took me a minute or two to get my bearings and figure out what was going on. Is it Saturday? What time is it? Why is my TV on? Why is Care Bear in my bed? And WHAT THE?!?!....Why is my face stuck to my Family Law book and UGH....whose morning breath is that?!?! GROSS! It's mine!

The morning continued to improve as I managed to get my lazy butt to the bathroom and discover that since I had chosen to use my text book as a pillow last night, my face was adorned with beautiful pink and green tattoos from high lighter pens. "Wow," I thought to myself. "Are my fellow moms at Care Bear's school ever going to be impressed by me this morning!!" However, lucky for me, I didn't have to worry about that, since as the next half hour progressed, it became glaringly obvious to me that I was not going to make it in time to take Care Bear to school (unless I really intended to scare the bejeezus out of the school administration and make them doubt my sanity and abilities as a mother...). Lucky for me, I have a sister-in-law (who I will legally only be able to refer to as my friend in the very near future) who lives across the street and was more than willing to escort Care Bear to school that morning. I think she was concerned about my sanity a little herself this morning when she got a glimpse of me.

I breathed a little sigh of relief when she said she would take Care Bear to school because the pressure was off a little. I didn't have to offend anyone with my face artwork, or my heinous morning breath, or my babies' nasty smelling diapers. The relief was short lived, however, when I discovered that during the chaos of getting Care Bear out the door, that my little Emma Bemma was downstairs screaming her head off. It didn't take me long to realize that her little constipation problem (don't get me started on the fact that I seem to have yet another child who suffers constipation) had apparently corrected itself overnight and a little explosion had taken place in her pants. She (suffice it to say) was not happy with how long it took me to take care of her issue. So much so that it was nearly impossible to get her wiggly little butt to sit still so I could place another diaper on her. Between holding her belly down to get the new diaper on her and using my other hand to wipe her, I somehow neglected to wad up and secure the nasty diaper. But by the time I had finished with her, I had another screaming baby to tend to and a four year old screaming at me for Fruit Pebbles. So, the stinky diaper got forgotten.....

Fast forward half an hour. Feisty has been fed...babies have been changed. And curiously enough, I realized (a little too late) that those babies were being uncharacteristically quiet. For babies who don't stay content for more than ten minutes at a time, that made me a little nervous. And my instinct was correct. As I headed down the stairs, the pungent aroma of baby bowels was a little too strong for my taste. My first thought was "Oh CRAP (literally)....a baby pooped on the floor.....". Oh, if only that was all.....

My sweet little curious scooters had discovered a fun new toy. The un-wadded, un-secured MASSIVELY POOPY diaper! "Oh, what fun this is! What is this squishy smelly stuff? Let's finger paint with it Katie! OK, Emma! Wee-hhheeeeeee this is fun!! And since we put absolutely everything in our mouths, why should this be any different?! I mean who care if it smells like the county dump! How will we know if we don't try?!?!" Have you ever smelled a babies' breath after they have taste tested their own poop??!?! I hope for your sake that you haven't. This was a new one for me. A new mommy experience. I thought I had experienced it all. And you might think that was it. But not quite. Feisty, curious to know what all the commotion was about came down the stairs, and in my full on panic, I failed to notice that she had stepped in the poo and tracked it all over the white play room carpet!!!! (Please tell me....who puts white carpet in their house unless they plan to use it for a show home?!?!....No offense to anyone here who may have white carpet.)

In a mere hour, I managed to have a full months worth of disasters. I was a walking Murphy's Law example this morning. After the disasters had settled, the poo was cleaned off of carpets, shoes, clothes and babies' mouths, and I had to sit on my front porch, stare off into space for a minute or two, and then did the only thing I could do. Laugh hysterically. I mean really. Who does this happen to?!?! Me. That's who.

On a high note....the rest of the day was great. The weather was beautiful; Feisty and I played in the carpet of leaves at my parents' house and enjoyed the day and I did no school work. Who could concentrate after all that?? Not to mention my head is so full right now I think I might just be on overload.

Oh, and just for the record.....this song playing is my new anthem. Not the part about wanting to start a fight, or being a rock star....but the other stuff. Booyah!!


13 comments:

Dawn said...

In retrospect it is pretty funny! But go back and change "fact" to "face" in the first paragraph - I was a tad confused. Thanks!

See you soon - we actually land at 5:00 this afternoon.

Diane@Diane's Place said...

Is that Pink in the video? I like it whoever it is. And I do appreciate the sarcasm. ;o)

We've had the same thing happen with Emmy and her dirty diapers. Jessica's had the hardest time breaking her from putting her hands in her dirty diapers and "finger painting" and also sampling the flavor. UGH!!!

Glad the rest of the day went better anyway.

Hope you have a good Sunday. I suspect it will be spent with your parents since Dawn just let me know they're home.

Love and hugs,

Diane

Susie said...

I'm sure it wasn't the least bit funny to you as it was happening, but I was remembering back about 39 years ago, when our son (who's nearly 40) pulled off his diaper in our closet and pooped all over Bill's dress shoes. It was runny and nasty and Bill was picking the poop out of crevices with a toothpick. I can laugh about it now, but what a mess!
You'll laugh at this someday down the road.
hugs

Mary said...

Kristen,

Making memories with the girlies? I just bet you were ready to pull your hair out, but am glad the rest of the day went well.

I never had "poop" experiences with Michelle, but did with my cousin who I watched when my aunt was ill. He was about a year and a half and he was being very quiet. I was doing household chores - I was only 13 - and my aunt asked me to check on K. Well, he had pooped, taken off his diaper and had used his artistic talents to fingerpaint on the brand new wallpaper behind his crib. I laugh about it now, but back then it was not at all funny.

Praying for you and the girlies.

Blessings,
Mary

nancygrayce said...

As my dear grandmother used to say "this too shall pass"......boy is it hard while waiting! I don't know a baby who doesn't love to play in their poop. Why? Who knows. Hope every day is better!

groovyoldlady said...

Pardon me while I laugh: Heh-heh-heh!

been there. done that.

I'm so glad you just vegged out the rest of the day. You DESERVED it!

Nancy said...

You are too funny... I love your sense of humor (just like your dad)! At least the rest of the day was better and now your mom is home to help. I know you missed her. Have a great week, with no more "double trouble"!

Needled Mom said...

Now that's a lousy way to start the day. I am so glad that it improved so you could enjoy the leaf fun.

Barb said...

Yuck. Just yuck, Kristen. The rest of the day would have HAD to be better, after a start like that. LOL

Unknown said...

After reading about this very eventful morning (which I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy...okay maybe I would), I'm stuck on the fact that you didn't get woken up until 7:30! That is late in my book. Anyway, that is one hellish morning and I hope you never have to deal with poop again like that!

Carole Burant said...

Hello dear Kristen:-)

I'm back from my trip and now catching up with everyone. Oh dear, what a fun morning you had...NOT! lol I'm not laughing...really...just giggling that's all! hehe Both my boys tried that "fun" experience with their poopy diapers...they had finger painted the crib, the wall, and yes, even their faces! ICK! I remember gagging when I saw them! lol It's a good thing you have a great sense of humour and could laugh about it afterwards!! xoxo

Izzy, Emmy 'N Alexander said...

Oh My Gosh! Not that I am laughing at you, but that is hysterical. What a day you had!! I really hope that doesn't happen to you again.

Glad to see that you had a nice day with no school work too!

Linda said...

This brought back memories Kristen.
My younger son figured out how to undo his diaper all by himself when he was still just a little guy. I came to get him up from his nap one afternoon and found he had unwrapped his diaper and decorated the entire crib with its contents. My first instinct was to walk back down the stairs, out the front door and just keep going. I didn't and he's all grown up now and not making messes!