Kathryn and Emma...what an adventerous life you have already led up to this point. You are a year old today. You have defied more odds and proven more people wrong than is even believable.

I will never forget the day I found out I was pregnant with you. At that time, I thought there was just one of you. The absolute shock I felt when I found out there was two of you is indescribable. Oddly enough, I always wanted twins; I just never thought I would get them.

My shock of discovering there were two of you was then overridden by an even bigger shock. Something was wrong with "Baby A"....that was you Katie. You had a growth on your neck that indicated that you would most likely be born with trisomy 13, 18 0r 21. I was sent on my way to a specialist the very next day. I wrote about my feelings surrounding that devastating news here. The specialist also believed that "Baby B"....that was you, Emma....wouldn't even be around by my next appointment.

Immediately, you were covered in prayer from all corners of the globe. You would not believe the outpouring of love and compassion you received by people who didn't know me...didn't know you....but prayed for you anyway. I spent several torturous weeks not knowing what the outcome would be regarding your futures, but loving you nonetheless.

The amniocenteses finally arrived and the next 24 hours were the longest I ever lived through. I finally received word from the doctor that "we don't know how this is possible, but your babies have no genetic abnormalities. You have two healthy, twin baby girls." But I know how that happened. And so do the rest of the people who prayed diligently for a miracle. Your miracle.

After being put on bedrest two months prior to your due date, you were delivered 7 weeks early and had to stay in the NICU for the first month of your life. You were tiny, but you were perfect. 2 lbs 15 oz and 3 lbs 5 oz respectively. You had overcome insurmountable odds and arrived on this earth ready to take it on. Miss Emma.....the feisty one inside of mama's belly.....you were not impressed with having tubes of oxygen sticking in your nose and after the first 24 hours, you had enough and decided you were just fine to breathe on your own.

You came home one month after being in the NICU barely over 4 lbs. And from that moment on, your mission in life was to prove to the world that tiny doesn't necessarily mean incapable or weak. Despite being two months early, you have hit every milestone when you should, slept through the night earlier than your sisters ever did and endured the trials and tribulations of big sisters who sometimes forget that you are human babies and not baby dolls.

Your life has consisted of millions of kisses, stares, "oohs and ahhs" and comments to your mama and grandma that include, "Wow! You have your hands full!" "Are those all yours?!" and constant camera flashes. You probably have some little inkling of what it must be like to be a celebrity with paparazzi following your every move.

Precious beyond belief does not even begin to cover who you are. Even though your doctor was concerned about your stiff muscle joints and even said at one point you may have cerebral paulsey, you took that as yet another challenge; you were sitting up within a couple of weeks after that. Even though he was concerned about your weight, you now weigh in at 16.5 and 15.5 lbs respectively....just shy of what your sisters weighed in at when they turned one.

The stories you tell me every day amaze me. And believe me.....I speak baby and I know every word you are saying. You are great story tellers already.

Your mama adores you; your sisters adore you; your grandparents adore you.......every one who you come in contact with adores you. You have an unexplainable magnetism. And every time I look at your beautiful little faces, I melt a little more. How could one mother be so incredibly lucky? Blessed. That is the only word I have. I am blessed beyond words. You wear me out, little girls, but better you wear me out than not be here at all!

What would I do without you girls? I would never want to know. You are (almost) walking little miracles. And a cherished addition to our family. I look forward to continue watching you grow, learn, and become the wonderful people you are destined to become.

Happy Birthday sweet, sweet baby girls!!! I am so glad you are here!!

All the love in the world that I have....

Your Mama

Extreme Irritation and Agitation!!!

Well, here I sit at 11:30 p.m. on the verge of posting a beautiful tribute to my darling daughters who turn one in 1/2 hour and I get the message of death on my computer: "Internet Explorer has encountered an error and has to close." GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!

I spent a good two hours preparing this post and now it isn't going to be there for my precious girls by their birthday. I could cuss right now. And I don't think I have it in me to start over at this point in time.

I hate computers. I hate the internet. And I guess I will go to bed.

But I.WILL. get that post up. Because they deserve that post for cryin' out loud!! So check back again soon.

I could cry.

I love you babies! HAPPY BIRTHDAY ANYWAY! Mama loves you more than words can ever say!!!

Doing Better

Thank you all so much for your kind words of encouragement when I was having my little "melt down". Not to minimize it....I was in a bad place at that time. Your comments made me feel not so alone.

Funny thing though....not too long after I wrote that post, somehow I just felt.....better. Not sure exactly what happened, but I quit worrying about things so much. A lot of the issues I was having at the time I published that post had more to do with former in-law issues than kid issues. I was expending a large amount of time trying to figure out where I fit in within this new and strange picture. Most of the time when couples divorce, the ex-husband and his family continue on, and the ex-wife and her family continue on. In my case, I continue on with both sides, but don't feel like I fit in so much with them anymore. But my children are still blood related to them. So I have felt a little awkward at times. I have some current issues with my former MIL that are still on-going, and I am not going to get into them. But somehow, I quit worrying about that, too. I just decided one day, "I don't know what these people think about me; I don't know how they feel about me, and quite honestly, I really don't care anymore. Like it or not, they will remain a part of my life because of my children and I might as well make the best of it." So I have. And since I made that decision, life has become significantly less stressful.

Don't get me wrong; I still have the on-going daily stress of raising four little girls on my own and a four year old who is still dealing with some major issues, but those issues are getting taken care of as well, and all I can do is leave her in God's hands and trust Him to take care of what I can't for her.

In summary: for now, I feel better. Still stressed, but much more relaxed about it, if that makes any sense. Not to say that I will never again have another melt down. Pretty much par for the course for someone in my current situation. But it sure does help to know that there are people out there that love me and are praying for me; even those that I have never met before. So thank you.

And now, for some adorable pictures from our very relaxing, enjoyable Thanksgiving.....

Care Bear's braids courtesy of Aunt Sema

Feisty's braids courtesy of Aunt Sema

Katie playing with Grandpa P's mustache

Care Bear's fancy letter to Santa. Yeah, I know....her real name. No mistake.

Quite honestly, I didn't feel like taking the time to block it out. I trust you all.

I can trust you all, right?!?!?!

Oh, and incidentally, since you now know the other 3 girls' names, it hardly seems fair to leave Feisty out. Her real name: Olivia, but she insists on being called "Livi". So, there you go. But just for the record, should I ever go public again, they will resume as Care Bear and Feisty. Those names are still extremely fitting.

Hurray for Poop, Pee, and Sweet Dreams Juice!!

We're throwing a little party in here today!! Hurray for poop and pee in the potty!! Miss Feisty, as you know, has had her share....more than her share.....of health difficulties over the past year and a half. Twelve (12) UTIs to be exact. Doctor after doctor....ER visit after ER visit....more well meaning words of advice and tips than you can imagine.....so many antiobiotics that I would be surprised if she hasn't become completely immune. X-rays, invasive and uncomfortable tests, "pokies" (Feisty's word for shots and IVs) and two hospital stays.

Last month, when she was infected with her 10th UTI, she was finally able to see her primary care physician. We belong to one of those pediatric clinics that employ at least a dozen doctors, and unless you have an appointment booked way in advance, you better pray your lucky stars that you actually get to see the one you want. Well, it never happened that way. Every time (almost) she saw a different doc and we had to re-invent the wheel. Finally, last month, she got to see her doc. And thank the Lord for him. Stuff started to get done for her and she was referred to a pediatric urologist in Denver. She had that appointment yesterday. Unfortunately, for her, she had to endure yet another renal ultra sound and a horrible VCUG (uncomfortable and invasive for an adult.....much less a teeny four year old girl). The good news? No kidney damage, no urinary tract damage. Just a simple case of a vicious cycle of constipation, fear of potty, constipation blocking her bladder, fear again, more constipation causing the UTIs and on and on and on. The doctor yesterday gave us wonderful tips, advice, words of wisdom and (drum roll please....) a medicine that will prevent her from getting UTIs. Huh. What a concept. I believe I recall requesting this medication for her over a year ago after UTI number 3 or 4. I feel optimistic for the first time since this battle began. I feel hopeful and I feel in control of the situation. When you don't know what you're dealing with or what steps to take to make it better, its rather hard to feel in control; thus leaving the control in the hands of a very stubborn, willful and feisty four year old!!

My little girl is back. Her smile, her laugh, the spring in her step, her squeals of joy and the sparkle in her beautiful eyes. It is wonderful to see her be four again and not riddled with the misery of UTIs and constipation. She pooped twice in the potty today! Hallelujah! She did have a couple of accidents, but in her defense, she wasn't near a potty and given the fact that her doctor doubled her dose of Miralax, she's had some umm...diarrhea. But she is trying, which is more than I could've said a week ago! Thanks for all of your prayers and thoughts for my little darling girl. Don't stop now, though. This isn't a quick fix. She has to re-establish good habits and abandon bad habits that have taken her a long time to learn. She now has to un-learn them. And we have until next August when she goes to Kindergarten. (Lord willing, it will happen before January when she wants to enroll in a new pre-school that doesn't put up with un-potty-trained kids).

Another battle that we have dealt with for a long time is bedtime. For both of my girls. (The big ones that is). When I was a young, naive Mom, I had this goofy and ridiculous desire to cuddle my babies until they fell asleep and then place their sleepy little bodies in their beds. What I didn't realize at that time, was that meant that they would then expect that from me when they were 1, 2, 3, 4.....and beyond. Little did I know that my enjoyment of cuddling my babies to sleep was going to wreak havoc on future bedtime. I just recently (we're talking 5 months ago, maybe) got my children to actually learn to go to bed....in their own beds.....without me cuddling them until they go to sleep. Talk about a wonderful release of stress for me. I dreaded bedtime every day of my life.

It was going well until about two weeks ago when all of a sudden Feisty decided to revert back and decide she didn't like sleeping in her own bed. Inevitably every night, five minutes after she was in bed, I would hear, "Mommy?!" Dread filled me everytime I heard that because I knew what was coming next. "I'm scared. I want to sleep in your bed tonight." Besides the fact that I did not want to re-introduce that bad habit, I do all my school work in my room. Which requires light. And my computer. Several nights in a row, I had to forego doing my school work because my little girl was crashed out in my bed. Simply telling her that there was nothing to be scared of and that mommy is in the next room did nothing for her. Didn't matter.

One night, about a week ago, when I felt that this new problem( rather old problem re-visited) was here to stay, I had a stroke of genius as I walked up the stairs to, once again, beg my daughter to stay in her own bed. For mommy's sake, please!! She wanted some apple juice to drink. I got her some juice, and when I got into her room, I informed her very confidently that the juice I was presenting her with was "sweet dream juice". "This juice, if you drink it all" (which was also laced with her required stool softener), I told her, "will give you only sweet dreams. Keep it by you all night and if you get scared, take a drink." I got a huge smile from her. VICTORY!! It worked. Wow. An idea all my own. Not one given to me by another parent, my mother, a parenting book or a (former) sister-in-law across the street. An idea all my own. She drank it all down (which accomplished two goals; sleep and poop), and as I walked out of the room, she informed me, "Mommy! Now I'm dreaming about flowers!" I could barely contain my gleeful laugh! Woo-hoo!

It is now imperative that I have on stock at all times "sweet dream juice" (i.e. Tree Top Apple Juice.....Kroger brand will suffice). One night I ran out. I panicked slightly, and informed her that we ran out of sweet dream juice, so tonight, sweet dream milk would have to do. And it did. And it has worked every night since.

Rock ON!!

And oh yeah....the twins? They are ten months old today. Their birthday is in two months!! What?! Wasn't it just a week or two ago that I was sitting in the hospital on bed rest?! Almost a year. And what a year it has been! They are 14.5 and 13 lbs respectively. Both have their bottom two teeth, Kate is cutting her top two, and both are thisclose to crawling. Time to dig out the baby gates! I almost have toddler twins! UFF DA!!

On The Menu Today....Poop!!! Mmmmmm

The day started out like any other ordinary day in the life of Kristen....oh oops...my bad.....no it didn't. It started out like a train wreck when I was jolted out of bed at the early hour of 7:30 by Care Bear who sauntered into my room, turned on the TV and settled into watch Nick Jr. (Not that I expect my 6 year old --although she is usually more organized than I am-- to voluntarily get herself up and start getting ready for school when Mom is crashed out in bed still.) It took me a minute or two to get my bearings and figure out what was going on. Is it Saturday? What time is it? Why is my TV on? Why is Care Bear in my bed? And WHAT THE?!?!....Why is my face stuck to my Family Law book and UGH....whose morning breath is that?!?! GROSS! It's mine!

The morning continued to improve as I managed to get my lazy butt to the bathroom and discover that since I had chosen to use my text book as a pillow last night, my face was adorned with beautiful pink and green tattoos from high lighter pens. "Wow," I thought to myself. "Are my fellow moms at Care Bear's school ever going to be impressed by me this morning!!" However, lucky for me, I didn't have to worry about that, since as the next half hour progressed, it became glaringly obvious to me that I was not going to make it in time to take Care Bear to school (unless I really intended to scare the bejeezus out of the school administration and make them doubt my sanity and abilities as a mother...). Lucky for me, I have a sister-in-law (who I will legally only be able to refer to as my friend in the very near future) who lives across the street and was more than willing to escort Care Bear to school that morning. I think she was concerned about my sanity a little herself this morning when she got a glimpse of me.

I breathed a little sigh of relief when she said she would take Care Bear to school because the pressure was off a little. I didn't have to offend anyone with my face artwork, or my heinous morning breath, or my babies' nasty smelling diapers. The relief was short lived, however, when I discovered that during the chaos of getting Care Bear out the door, that my little Emma Bemma was downstairs screaming her head off. It didn't take me long to realize that her little constipation problem (don't get me started on the fact that I seem to have yet another child who suffers constipation) had apparently corrected itself overnight and a little explosion had taken place in her pants. She (suffice it to say) was not happy with how long it took me to take care of her issue. So much so that it was nearly impossible to get her wiggly little butt to sit still so I could place another diaper on her. Between holding her belly down to get the new diaper on her and using my other hand to wipe her, I somehow neglected to wad up and secure the nasty diaper. But by the time I had finished with her, I had another screaming baby to tend to and a four year old screaming at me for Fruit Pebbles. So, the stinky diaper got forgotten.....

Fast forward half an hour. Feisty has been fed...babies have been changed. And curiously enough, I realized (a little too late) that those babies were being uncharacteristically quiet. For babies who don't stay content for more than ten minutes at a time, that made me a little nervous. And my instinct was correct. As I headed down the stairs, the pungent aroma of baby bowels was a little too strong for my taste. My first thought was "Oh CRAP (literally)....a baby pooped on the floor.....". Oh, if only that was all.....

My sweet little curious scooters had discovered a fun new toy. The un-wadded, un-secured MASSIVELY POOPY diaper! "Oh, what fun this is! What is this squishy smelly stuff? Let's finger paint with it Katie! OK, Emma! Wee-hhheeeeeee this is fun!! And since we put absolutely everything in our mouths, why should this be any different?! I mean who care if it smells like the county dump! How will we know if we don't try?!?!" Have you ever smelled a babies' breath after they have taste tested their own poop??!?! I hope for your sake that you haven't. This was a new one for me. A new mommy experience. I thought I had experienced it all. And you might think that was it. But not quite. Feisty, curious to know what all the commotion was about came down the stairs, and in my full on panic, I failed to notice that she had stepped in the poo and tracked it all over the white play room carpet!!!! (Please tell me....who puts white carpet in their house unless they plan to use it for a show home?!?!....No offense to anyone here who may have white carpet.)

In a mere hour, I managed to have a full months worth of disasters. I was a walking Murphy's Law example this morning. After the disasters had settled, the poo was cleaned off of carpets, shoes, clothes and babies' mouths, and I had to sit on my front porch, stare off into space for a minute or two, and then did the only thing I could do. Laugh hysterically. I mean really. Who does this happen to?!?! Me. That's who.

On a high note....the rest of the day was great. The weather was beautiful; Feisty and I played in the carpet of leaves at my parents' house and enjoyed the day and I did no school work. Who could concentrate after all that?? Not to mention my head is so full right now I think I might just be on overload.

Oh, and just for the record.....this song playing is my new anthem. Not the part about wanting to start a fight, or being a rock star....but the other stuff. Booyah!!

Awards Ceremony

Welcome to Mama's 1st Annual Award ceremony. All five of my children have recently achieved some pretty important things, therefore I decided they deserve to be recognized for their fabulous accomplishments. Please join me in congratulating them as well.

We will begin with......

ANAKIN

Anakin has had a little bit of a rough year this year in school. It can be hard to convince him to sit down after school and do his homework. However, as of the last few weeks, he has done his homework without being reminded and (for the most part) has been remembering to turn it in. Good job, Anakin, for your efforts in working harder in school. Your hardwork will pay off in the end!

Now, on to.....

CARE BEAR

Care Bear has had a real issue with stage fright in the past. Anytime there was a performance she was in, whether it be at church or at her pre-school, she would just stand there on the stage with a "deer in the headlights" look, regardless of all of the encouraging, hand-waving, and stupid looking faces I would throw her. However, this past Christmas, she was in our Church's children's Christmas program, and for the first time, she actually performed!! I was so excited and so proud. I wanted to do a "happy dance" right in the middle of the aisle. This past Tuesday, she had her "Kindergarten Showcase" at school. I was holding my breath until I saw her step on to the stage hoping that her Christmas performance wasn't just a fluke. And it was not. She sang her heart out and did all of the motions all the way through (with the exception of one song that she said she hated and proclaimed early on she would, under no uncertain circumstances sing that song.....and she held to her word...). So Care Bear is awarded for overcoming her "stage fright". I'm so proud of you, sweetie!

Next is, little miss.....

FEISTY

It's no secret that Feisty has had some issues surrounding the potty. And while she has not yet mastered the skill, she has improved greatly and I am very proud of her. She no longer even wants to wear training pants at night (however, mama overrides this....for now....)which is a good sign. While she is hesitant to go at first, once she does, she is sooo proud of herself and likes to show the world (or whomever happens to be around at the time)how good a "job" she actually did. Congratulations, sweetie, on getting the hang of going potty. Keep working on it and hopefully by fall, you'll have it mastered and can go to PRE-SCHOOL!!

On to the mini-twinnies.....First up.....

KATIE

As I've mentioned before, Miss Kate can be a little fuss budget. Afternoons seem to be rough for her. But lately (due to more sleep, I firmly believe), she is such a little "ray of sunshine" in the morning. This morning I woke up and heard some noise coming from her little bed. I was half waiting for a wail, or a scream, but I went over there and she was laying on her back, just looking around the room and gave me the most beautiful of baby smiles. What a great way to start the day. So, Katie is being awarded for her improved sleep patterns and that beautiful smile (which is much preferred over your snorts, miss Kate!)

And last, BUT DEFINITELY not least.....

EMMA BEMMA!

Emma Bemma has turned into my "champion sleeper". She has even surpassed her big sister, Feisty, a couple of nights this week. As a rule, she has been sleeping 8-8.5 hours straight a night lately. Not always, but more often than not. Her twin isn't doing quite as well yet, which is why Emma-Bemma is being awarded for her "superior sleeping skills". You are my hero Emma. Thanks for letting Mama sleep a little more. I love you, sweet pea!

And that's it....I think. Five awards. Five kids. And that is all there will ever be.

I love all of you and you make me oh, so proud!!

THEY DID IT AGAIN!!!

Complete Disbelief

My baby girls (of the twin variety) went to sleep at 7:00 at night. They are morning babies. Awake at the crack of dawn; happy as can be; crabby by afternoon and asleep by early evening. I went to bed at 9:30, thinking to myself that I would probably be awoken within the hour. Instead, I was awoken at 1:30 a.m. by my baby girl (of the *almost* four year old variety) to change her soaking wet jammies and sheets (due to the fact that she violently refused to wear training pants last night. I told her not to bother waking me up if she peed her bed because I warned her. But like I could really in good conscious let her sleep in her own pee....I digress.) It wasn't until I had changed the jammies and gotten Feisty back to bed that I realized, "It's 1:30 a.m. Those babies are still asleep!" Brief panic ensued as I feared SIDS, but when I checked on them, there they were, side by side, slightly snoring and sleeping (so to speak) like babies. I hustled myself back to bed to take advantage of this momentous occasion and slept for two more hours before I was finally awoken by both babies to be fed. The each ate and promptly went back to sleep until 6:30 this morning when they woke for the day---big, gummy, giddy smiles and all.

Eight and a half solid hours of sleep for those babies, people!! That is so huge! I am not delusional enough to think that there will be a repeat performance of that tonight. I won't get my hopes up. I've been burned too many times by getting my hopes up like that with previous children.

Had I not had to get up in the middle of the night to clean up another kid, I myself would have gotten six straight hours.

I am impressed, baby girls. Please, for the love of everything, KEEP IT UP!!!

The Buzz This Week

So, I thought once I was back at work it'd be much easier to keep up on this thing. But it turns out that since I'm back only part time now, and my hours coincide with covering everyone's lunches, I don't have as much "play time" as I used to when I was here 8 hours a day. Which also means I don't have as much time to go and visit you all; cuz it could literally take my entire four hour shift to visit everyone in my bloglines. So, I read when I can and post when I can; which unfortunately for me.....is not very often.

But here's the buzz around my parts as of late:

CARE BEAR:

Still obsessed with NKOTB. I have created a monster! She must watch my old, ancient NKOTB video at least once a day....often times many more than that. It is typically the show she chooses to watch before she goes to bed. And she insists that I watch it with her. Now, in my day, I probably watched it at least 1/2 dozen times a day. I can't even believe it's still functioning. And while it was fun and reminiscient to watch it once....maybe twice.....I must say that I'm getting a little weary of it now. I'm just about ready to hide it.

I purchased Care Bear the NKOTB Greatest Hits album--at least she now has something to listen to in the car. But not just in the car---no, that's not good enough. We have to listen to it in the house as well as we watch her dance and sing to it under her "celebrity moniker"---Mikayla. Yes, she has given herself an assumed name. She has strict rules (i.e. no laughing, no smiling, no getting up, and no talking during her shows.) She's a cross between a diva in the making and a grouchy old school teacher. After her "shows", she allows us to stand in line for autographs from "Mikayla." Sooo.....do you all think American Idol will still be around in the year 2018 when Care Bear will be 16??

She wrote notes for the "boys" the other day. Loooooove notes. Yikes. I'm getting scared.

Another Care Bear tidbit: Here is a little conversation she had with my mom the other day while I was at work (this is copied and pasted from an e-mail my mom sent me):

She is typing away on a calculator telling me she's doing
CSAPs. I ask her if she has to do CSAPs at school. She says, no, but they have
to be quiet when the other kids are taking them. Then she tells me Anakin said
he'd be annoyed at her if she
was noisy while he was taking them. Then she
told me she didn't need to take them because she's already smart, and CSAPs make
you smart. Then - she says,"Grandma, what are CSAPs?

Feisty News:

Feisty is still trying to learn to go potty. She's gotten to the point where she refuses to wear training pants anymore, yet every day soaks and/or soils her underwear and pants. She's getting there, but hasn't quite got it. She's even gotten to where she doesn't want to wear training pants at night. I have had to gently force this issue because I have no desire in the middle of the night to bathe my (almost) four year old and change sheets because she has soaked and/or soiled her jammies and bed. I applaud her desire and her willingness to go from training pants to underwear; but not at night; not until she has got it. So we've compromised. She wears underwear over her training pants at night.

This morning I'm at work when I receive a wonderful "letter" and picture from Feisty:

vvbbcbvvbvvvnvbvbvnfvfhhjfhhfffffffffffffvhvhgfghfghgtjhkgjjthhyhgjghh
ghjhrgrgkjkerkjjkgjhjjjhngnhhmnjjjvnnnvvnbnnnnbmn
nnbvvbnnvbvbfbgmgbmmmfbnfbgbffgbgnffiofytyiytygjjtjufhuuyuyjhruuiyt5
7hrhojthhtgggffjfgbdgdfgfggfgjdfjsdgjddjgdfhjgdjhgdgsjfdhghafhdafg
fdgghdfgfhfggggggghfgfjfhghfhgggfvvvffbvfvvfgfff
b gbfgbghbggbgbgtybddhdfbfgh
vsacvbnbnbnbjffhfgfbfbnvnbbffbhnvfhghgrhfhfghhfggfhbbgbnfknknbbnnbjhh

Roughly translated, this says something like, "Dear Mommy, I went poopy in the potty all by myself! I love you so much, etc, etc, etc...."

Now, I will show you a picture, but am warning you to scroll quickly past it or look away now if pictures that proud 4 year olds take of what they "produce" in the potty offend or disgust you. This is Feisty's proof to send to Mommy. She wanted to save it in the toilet til I got home, but Grandma convinced her to do this instead:

Yay, Feisty!! Mommy is soooo proud of you! We'll do the "happy dance" when I get home!

********************************

Feisty has very cute ways of putting things. For instance; she calls goose bumps "juice bumps", she says her heart is "beeping" instead of beating and today, when we were driving to meet Grandma at my office, she took of her sock and shoe and was thoroughly irritated. I asked her what was wrong and she said, "My toes are snoring". (Feisty speak for her foot is asleep). Everyone together now......"Aaawwwwwwwwwwwwwwww"!!

TWIN NEWS:

And last, but definitely not least.....some twin stuff.

Our church is blessed to have the best nursery attendant ever. Her name is Sandy and every child who ever has the pure luck to be in the nursery with her absolutely adores her. Feisty is beyond her nursery days now, but still considers Sandy her "best friend". Since my older girls have "graduated" and moved on to bigger and better things, Sandy is now thrilled to have two more of my offspring to coddle over. And coddle she does! Here are the chunky monkey twins (as opposed to teeny-tiny) modeling their new duds, courtesy of Sandy:

I.LOVE.THESE.SHIRTS!! They crack me up!!! Like these babies' butts could EVER look big! Welll.....maybe when the diapers are full their back ends might protude a little. But anyway....

Then, here they are modeling their custom made beautiful little fleece blankies given to me by a friend at church whose sister makes them. They even came in little custom made bags with their names on them!!

The little girlies are growing cuter by the day and their personalities have definitely started to make themselves known. Emma (aka "Little Squirt" aka "I can't sit still in my mama's belly") is actually the more mellow, "go with the flow" kinda gal. Much more content to lay on the floor or swing in her swing and look up at you with her piercing, beautiful blue eyes. Katie (aka "big squirt") is a fuss budget. A snorter. Her eyes may be piercing and beautiful as well, but more often than not, her face is screwed shut in a crying, screaming position, so it's hard to tell. OK, so it's not that bad, but she is much fussier than her twin. She has, however, treated me to some beautiful smiles lately and when she is content, loves to lay on the floor and kick to her hearts content.

Sleeping is still a crap shoot. Never know how it's going to go from one night to the next. So, as always, I am tired. Probably will be until I'm 50 years old....if I live that long!

Have a great weekend!

Mother Of The Year---Two Times Over

I am officially awarding myself "Mother of the Year".....two times.....for events that have occurred over the past few days. Here is why.....

AWARD #1

Last week I posted about the return of my "high school sweethearts"....New Kids on the Block....and half jokingly said that maybe one of these days my truckloads of old NKOTB posters would adorn Care Bears walls. Hahahahaha. Well, the laugh is on me. I am personally responsible for pushing my 5 year old daughter into early teenage-hood. She was already half way there being a self proclaimed "Hannah Montana fan". However, mere minutes after pulling out my old NKOTB video tapes and popping them in the VCR, my darling daughter (who just a month ago considered the Care Bears and the Berenstain Bears her personal heroes) informed me that she is now a "huge NKOTB fan". Joe is her favorite. "Please Don't go Girl" is her favorite song. I was forced to raid my parents basement this weekend in search of the good ole NKOTB archives. Daddy is being harassed to make her CDs off of iTunes of NKOTB. She has decided that she wants to be a "rock star" with her best friend.....Blondie 1.....and went in search of wood to make her very own stage (my shower curtain has been confiscated for her own personal use so that she can make an "entrance" when performing on her stage).

I mean, a huge part of me could not quit almost laughing to myself all weekend when I heard my daughter walking down the street singing with all of her heart, "Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.....HANGIN' TOUGH!" Everything else that I loved when I was a kid has returned.....My Little Ponies, Care Bears, Cabbage Patch Dolls, Strawberry Shortcake (not to mention the fact that she goes to the same school I did as a kid and is in the same Kindergarten class.) I don't know why this should surprise me. However, if you would have told me when my obsession began that 18 years later I would be digging out all of my old New Kids stuff for my five year old daughter because they were making a comeback?!?! Well, you could probably have knocked me over with a feather. That, or I would have said, "Whatever. I'm not having kids." But I'm starting to think my little girl is me....reincarnated. It's almost eerie. Scary eerie.

It's cute. But I kinda hope it's a fleeting thing and in a couple of days or so she'll pull out her Care Bears again. At least for another 10 years or so......

AWARD #2

I'm pretty much a zombie in the middle of the night when my babies wake me up. Half the time I think I sleep walk through the process of getting them a bottle, feeding them and changing their diapers. Last night was no different.

The twins share a bed right now. It's a space saver. Plus, they're snobby to eachother and barely acknowledge eachother's existence so I'm constantly "pushing" them together in an effort to make them like eachother. They have "assigned" sides of their bed. This, obviously, is supposed to make life easier for me in the middle of the night. It normally wouldn't be that big of an issue to not know which baby I was holding and caring for in the middle of the night except for the fact that they use different formulas.....(no I am not breast-feeding anymore.....pumping/hospital visits/pumping/caring for older kids/pumping/blah blah blah.....well, it just didn't work out......so sue me.....they're doing just great and mama is less stressed out). Anyway.......last night Emma-Bemma fell asleep in her car seat at about 6:00 p.m. Wherever those babies fall is asleep is where they stay until they wake up again (unless, of course it's on a counter top or something like that.......). Kate was put to sleep in her bed. But for some odd, unknown reason I put her on the wrong side of the bed. So, eventually when Emma woke up (six hours later at MIDNIGHT.....YAY EMMA-BEMMA!!!), she ended up sleeping on Kate's side of the bed. Fast forward 7 hours later (and several feedings later) to 7 a.m. One baby wakes up. I hear it on the monitor. I go up to my room to fetch "the baby". Ahhh....it's Kate. So, here's me over the next hour:

Me: "Oh, Katie....are you hungry widdle baby girl? Mama'll get your ba-ba."

Baby: "Coo."

Me: "Wow Katie. You're so mellow this morning. So agreeable and happy. Weird. (Katie is typically pretty grouchy in the morning.....well.....all the time....unless being held). Are you watching Dwagon Tales with your sisters?? Look at you kicky little girl!!"

Baby: "Coo-cooooo".

Me."You must've been so hungry Katie! You ate that bottle in two minutes flat! Let's get you dressed." (I proceed to put "Katie" in an outfit that Care Bear has designated as Katie's outfit....you know, since Katie is "her baby" and she has the scars to prove it and all.)

Me: "Uhoh! I hear Emma-Bemma. Better go get her up!.........Wow Emma.....you're cranky this morning. Wassup wich-you? Awwww.....you're hungry, aren't you, widdle Emma-Bemma!! Whoa! Chill out girl.....no need to choke yourself or anything! Good grief. What's the matter with you?! Is this stupid nipple not working? No, it's working. OK, well....guess I'll change your clothes. Man.....have you been taking cranky lessons from your sister??"

Baby: "Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!"

Me: "OK, calm down. Let's get this sopping wet diaper off. OK, here's your little pink outfit that Feisty says is yours. You know, since you're Feisty's baby and she has the scars to prove it and all!"

Baby: "Waaaaaaahhh" (translated...."OK, I'll calm down a little bit now since you took that nasty pee catcher off of me").

Me: "OK. All set. Now why don't you go lay down by your sister Katie and get to know her a little bit, huh? .....

Wow kids....check this out. Emma's almost as big as Katie now. Good grief. You can hardly tell a difference. Unlesssss.........YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME. (turns over baby thought to be Katie for the last hour and discovers that yep....there's that huge honkin' birth mark on the back.) THIS IS EMMA!!! Now it all makes sense!!!"

No one can ever, EVER tell me that my baby's don't look EXACTLY the same again!!! And I am so mother of the year....you know....feeding each baby the wrong formula.....dressing them in the wrong clothes. Care Bear was horrified that she had been kissing the "wrong baby" all morning. And me?! Well, I have to wonder what kind of mother I am to only be able to identify my babies by which side of the bed they are on!! GOOD GRIEF!
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And one more of Kristen's blonde "Jessica Simpson" moments and then I'll let you go laugh at me in private. I walk into work this morning. The smell of freshly laundered clothes and fabric softener is permeating my work area. I say to my co-workers, "Wow, who smells so good, like freshly laundered clothes?" Everyone looks at me kinda wierd and smells themselves. (Good thing I've worked here for so long!) They shrug. I smell myself. "Oh, it's me."

Dude. I need some sleep.

I'm Such A Liar!!

Said I'd be here yesterday and I lied! Well, didn't really lie....circumstances and complications were such that I didn't actually end up coming to work yesterday. Bureaucratic red tape concerning a doctor's note clearing me to come back to work. My departure from work was such a mess, why should my return be any neater??!!

So I had planned to do some great, return post.....not sure about what. I could write a novel about the past 3 months of my life, but I was going to try to do something interesting. But if I have learned nothing else lately, it is that plans are pointless. Especially when you have four kids ages 5 and under----two of which are completely dependant and NOISY and DEMANDING (albeit adorable.)

Anyway, since I made the grand announcement that I would be back, I thought I should at least come back and say "hello" and "I've missed you" and one of these days I'll try to really be back.

I know my Mom has been doing regular twin updates so you shouldn't be completely in the dark about what's been going on in my world lately. Just tell me one thing: Are those twin baby girls not the most adorable little things in the world?!!? (I may be a little biased, but come on!! )

I write this at work while I sit eating a Chipotle burrito (my favorite thing in the world to eat which I was denied my entire pregnancy because of what it did to my digestive system), and drinking coffee and diet Pepsi in a desperate attempt to keep myself awake (which I have found is much more difficult to do while staring at a computer rather than running around like some wild crazy lady at home).

I'm hoping one of these days soon life will feel "normal" and "controlled" again. But probably not. In the meantime, I hope there are some people who still check on me now and then. I promise I will try to be here on a more regular basis from here on out. (Providing I have no more 3 month absences from the outside world!)

It's good to be back in the land of the living--so to speak!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO EMMA AND KATIE!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOUHAPPY BIRTHDAY EMMA AND KATIEHAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!!

T-minus two hours and my girls will be here. I'm nervous. See y'all on the flip side!

Yikes!

I can't sleep. It's 6 a.m. and despite being given two Ambien last night by the nurse and not turning off the lights until midnight, I am wide awake. I can't figure out why. Hmmmm. Maybe it's because in 18 hours I am going to be delivering twins?! I don't know. Maybe that could have something to do with it.

I can't even pin point any particular emotion I am having right now because I think there's a little bit of every emotion you could ever have floating around in me.

All kinds of fun and cool things are happening to me right now. My doctor has decided (at the 11th hour) that I am not gaining enough weight. I about wanted to throw my hands up in there air and release a primal scream when she said that to me. Let me just say that since I have been sequestered in the hospital bed, I have done NOTHING but eat. Not only three meals a day (which I rarely ever, ever do), but every time my meals are over, within 20 minutes they are bringing me a protein shake that I'm somehow supposed to choke down. That being said, I told my doctor that "perhaps my body just really doesn't want to gain any more weight; maybe it's at capacity." My stomach has been in a constant state of discomfort since I got here; so much so that night before last, the majority of the night I spent not daring to move or even breathe because if I did I was going to puke.

So, now they are drawing blood to find out if I have some sort of gastro-intestinal problem going on, or exactly why I can not gain weight. You'd think I have gained only 2 lbs this whole time or something. I've gained 27 lbs. Probably not as much as is considered "ideal gain weight" for twins, but it's not horrible. THEN, she is adding another medication to my cocktail of drugs I take every day that is supposed to help me digest my food quicker so I don't feel so full all the time. THEN, they are going to hook me up to an IV to supplement what I am eating. (My thought is, what good is this all going to do 24 hours before I have these babies? If this was going to happen, shouldn't it have happened long ago?!?!) And then the COOLEST, FUNNEST most AWESOME thing I get to do?!?! I get to collect my pee and put it in a bottle everytime I go so they can test how much protein I have in my pee! Is that awesome or what?!

I'm complaining, I know; which I shouldn't be doing because "doctor knows best", however, like I said, wouldn't this have made more sense a week or two ago when I had some time to actually gain some significant weight? Oh, well.

Doctors, nurses, neo-natal specialists, NICU nurses, nutritionists, OTs, therapists.....you name the hospital employee and I have probably seen them during my stay here. I even know the housekeepers by name. Everyone here has been so wonderful to me and they have made a long, long stay here much more tolerable.

I will probably be here for three days post-surgery; so most likely until Thursday. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. Of course the dynamic of my stay is going to change drastically mid-day tomorrow.

I have a request for everyone out there. I know you have been fervently praying for me and the twins; and your prayers and thoughts and caring are appreciated more than you will ever know. I am awed over the amount of caring I have received from people all over the globe. But if you could please add little Care Bear and Feisty to your prayers as well, I would really appreciate it. Their lives are about to dramatically change. Especially Feisty. She will be de-throned as the "baby". I just don't want to be so overwhelmed with the twins and everything else that the others end up feeling neglected. It is a real big concern for me. I felt the same way when I had Feisty and worried a lot about Care Bear. My fears were not in vain; Care Bear had a real difficult period of adjustment and the three or four months after Feisty was born were extremely difficult. So, prayers for my other two little girls are appreciated as well.

This could very well be my last post before the twins arrive. However, you could see a last minute panic stricken one at around noon tomorrow. :) We'll see. I'm sure my mom will be posting regular updates until I am able to do so again!

The countdown has begun!