Doing Better

Thank you all so much for your kind words of encouragement when I was having my little "melt down". Not to minimize it....I was in a bad place at that time. Your comments made me feel not so alone.

Funny thing though....not too long after I wrote that post, somehow I just felt.....better. Not sure exactly what happened, but I quit worrying about things so much. A lot of the issues I was having at the time I published that post had more to do with former in-law issues than kid issues. I was expending a large amount of time trying to figure out where I fit in within this new and strange picture. Most of the time when couples divorce, the ex-husband and his family continue on, and the ex-wife and her family continue on. In my case, I continue on with both sides, but don't feel like I fit in so much with them anymore. But my children are still blood related to them. So I have felt a little awkward at times. I have some current issues with my former MIL that are still on-going, and I am not going to get into them. But somehow, I quit worrying about that, too. I just decided one day, "I don't know what these people think about me; I don't know how they feel about me, and quite honestly, I really don't care anymore. Like it or not, they will remain a part of my life because of my children and I might as well make the best of it." So I have. And since I made that decision, life has become significantly less stressful.

Don't get me wrong; I still have the on-going daily stress of raising four little girls on my own and a four year old who is still dealing with some major issues, but those issues are getting taken care of as well, and all I can do is leave her in God's hands and trust Him to take care of what I can't for her.

In summary: for now, I feel better. Still stressed, but much more relaxed about it, if that makes any sense. Not to say that I will never again have another melt down. Pretty much par for the course for someone in my current situation. But it sure does help to know that there are people out there that love me and are praying for me; even those that I have never met before. So thank you.

And now, for some adorable pictures from our very relaxing, enjoyable Thanksgiving.....

Care Bear's braids courtesy of Aunt Sema

Feisty's braids courtesy of Aunt Sema

Katie playing with Grandpa P's mustache

Care Bear's fancy letter to Santa. Yeah, I know....her real name. No mistake.

Quite honestly, I didn't feel like taking the time to block it out. I trust you all.

I can trust you all, right?!?!?!

Oh, and incidentally, since you now know the other 3 girls' names, it hardly seems fair to leave Feisty out. Her real name: Olivia, but she insists on being called "Livi". So, there you go. But just for the record, should I ever go public again, they will resume as Care Bear and Feisty. Those names are still extremely fitting.

Wednesday

Yeah, you read the title right. Wednesday. That is all I can come up with for today. I'd probably be better off without any title, huh?

As is par for the course for me lately, this is a post full of random bits of things that fly through my brain at any unsuspecting moment that I think I absolutely must preserve for prosperity; when in reality, someday I'll look back at these posts and say, "Why did I think that was important?!?!" If nothing else, it will remind me how scattered my brain was the year I was pregnant with twins.

Twins. I can't believe I'm having twins. It hits me like that every now and then. Scary.

I would first like to thank a new commenter on my blog for her sweet comment to me the other day. Unfortunately, she doesn't seem to have a blog, so I can't return the favor by visiting her blog, so I would just like to say "Hi!" to Samantha and thank her for the nice comment. I'm glad you enjoy it here and I hope you come back to visit again!

And then I would like to apologize. I have been neglecting you. Yes, you. You who so faithfully read my blog and continue to come back every time I post; but who rarely gets a return visit. That would be probably the majority of people I have on my blog-roll. I go through my bloglines every day with good intentions. However, I'm lucky if I get through the day having commented on two or three blogs. And I used to be so faithful! I'm sorry. I haven't forgotten you. I still love you all! I just can't form many complete thoughts lately, much less focus on a blog long enough to read it and then comment. Is there a condition called "Pregnancy ADD"? Cuz I think I have it. For sure. But I have made an early New Year's Resolution. (Is that allowed?! And if it is, does that negate me from making a resolution on January 1?? I hope so!) My resolution is to be better about keeping in touch with all of you. I miss you all and I'll tell you what! All those harassing phone calls and pesky people pestering me at work all day? Well, they can take a back seat for now. OK, that was a lie. I'm just kidding. But I am going to try to be better about stopping by all of your places. Did you see that caveat in there? Try. I don't make many promises right now. (*But I do love you!!*)

This Saturday is my birthday. Wee! Yipee Skippy! Hurrah! We actually celebrated it for the most part this past weekend for several reasons; most of which revolve around the fact that my parents are skipping town on me and will probably be sipping on non-alcoholic Mai Tai's and swimming with sting-rays at the exact moment 33 years ago that I entered this world. Or rather, my Dad will be swimming with sting rays. My mom will probably be sitting on a beach with her nose buried in some book. I'm not jealous though. Oh, no....not at all!

Anyway, it just so happened that this past Saturday at our church was "Parent Freedom Night". About once every other month, the teens are lucky enough to get to be paid by us for the priviledge of watching all of our little rug-rats so us adults can go out and do whatever our little hearts desire. This was perfect timing for Mike and I to be able to go out and celebrate my b-day without completely imposing on my parents. They were imposed on at 9:00, however, when they had to go pick them up and have them stay overnight at their house. But at least they didn't have to entertain them the whole evening, right? I mean, come on. How many opportunities do you really think I am going to be able to go out and enjoy an evening out sans kids once the squirts arrive?! Who in their right mind will ever agree to take on five kids for the evening just for our sakes?! I feel the walls caving in. The little freedom I have left is slipping away at a fairly rapid pace. I'm starting to suffocate!!

Um, anyway. So, we went out to dinner at an Italian restaurant where we ran into two other couples from our church also out enjoying a kidless evening. I mean, there's probably about 200 restaurants in the area; what are the odds of running into two other couples at the same restaurant?! We then decided to go to a movie. The one we really wanted to see we were late for, so we made a big mistake and chose to see "The Mist". I implore of you not to waste your hard earned money on this movie. Worst $15 I ever spent. We walked out 45 minutes into it and ended up going home to watch a movie on DVD. Something we could do any other night of the week after the kids go to bed. Oh, well. It was nice and quiet and peaceful.

Sunday, my mom had our family and my SIL (who shares the same b-day over) and Kevin over for a birthday dinner. It was tasty, and I ate way too much cake. WAY too much cake. She got me my electric blanket!! I walk around my house with that thing now like it's a security blanket. I wuv my new bwankie!!

I am now going to re-post a little poem I wrote last year at about this time, because right now it is so apropos.

--Adapted from “The Most Wonderful Time of the Year” by Kristen P. December, 2006 (sung with the same tune)

It’s the most germiest time of the year
When the kids are all coughing
And Mommy is puking
Oh please don’t come near!
It’s the most germiest time of the Year!

It’s the sick-sickiest season of all
When the cold man is calling
And Lysol is spraying
No friends come to call!!
It’s the sick-sickiest season of all!

There’ll be Pepto a-plenty
And stomachs are empty
And hacking is all you can hear
There’ll be foreheads a –roasting
No time for blog posting
It’s not a good season I fear!

It’s the Germ-Germiest time

OF THE YEAR!

Last week Care Bear and I had the stomach crap. Whilst Feisty was fighting yet another UTI, unbelievable as that is. Feisty finished her antibiotic, and the doctor is now convinced that her UTIs are a result of her constipation problem. We are supposed to be putting a stool softener in her apple juice once a day for her to drink, but right after we started doing that, she came down with a stomach bug and let me tell you how messy things can get when you combine a stomach bug with bowel movements loosened by stool softener! Yeah. The smell isn't so pleasant either. (I bet I lost about half of you right about here!)

Anyway, due to the stomach yuckies, we decided to hold back on the laxative because, well, the bug seemed to be doing the job for her. But now she's backed up again. She's consistently complaining of stomach pain. Last night I was in the car taking her to the ER when she vomited all over the car and then promptly fell asleep. I got about a good 3 hours of sleep last night. So did she. I'm so tired of this. She's so tired of this. Why can't the doctors figure out what is really going on with my baby and help me come up with a solution that will actually work?! I'm tired of watching my 3 year old precious girl suffer and constantly have to be on antibiotics. Something has to give.

I have a playlist of Christmas music currently playing in my side bar. One of my favorite Christmas songs (sung by one of my favorite male singers) is playing in it: "Mary Did You Know" sung by Clay Aiken. Our praise band is going to sing this song on Sunday for the offeratory. I love it. Wish I could find a way to record it and stream it here because we're doing a pretty cool version of it. Hmmm. Anyone know a way to do that? Easily?

And one more little item that had me seeing dark red this week. A little tidbit of celebrity "news" that I have seen all over the place. Go to TMZ.com and see what the huge buzz this week is. I'm sure you already have, but it makes me so mad. Leave the girl alone. She's normal. She just got engaged. Let her frolic in the ocean in peace! For cryin' out LOUD!

Wow I'm jabbery today. Must be all the sugar from the three donuts I have eaten this morning. Three donuts! What is wrong with me?!?!

Hope your Wednesday is fabulous!

Wednesday Randomness

My Babies Are PO'd At Me!!

Thanksgiving was nice. We, as usual had two dinners. One around mid-day at my parent's house with all of my side of the family, then one hosted at my house with Mike's side of the family. MIL handled pretty much everything; I made the green-bean casserole (GO ME!!) but MIL did everything else. I think we had more food for the eight of us then there was for 19 at my parent's dinner. Can you say leftovers?! My fridge (which was pretty barren prior to that day) was stuffed to the gills by Thursday night. The remainder of the weekend was spent figuring how many ways you can possibly eat turkey, dressing, mashed potatoes, rolls, twenty-five different types of salad, jellos and pies. By Sunday night we had dumped all of it in a huge pan together (pies, jello and salad included---um, just kidding) and cooked it all together. It was sort of shepherd pie-ish. Not too bad. At least it didn't look too bad. I wouldn't know because I didn't eat any of it. In fact, beyond Thursday and up until this very moment, I have eaten very little. Which is part of the reason my babies are PO'd at me. The other reason is because of the pure ruckus my body has caused in my stomach for the past four days or so.

Care Bear and I both came down with a hellish case of the flu on Friday. She woke up with it; it hit me sometime mid-day; shortly after I had indulged in two pieces of apple pie. MIL I still think is convinced it's because I ate two pieces of pie. I keep trying to tell her that I highly doubt that two pieces of pie could cause four days of vomiting and other stomach ailments which I will not discuss. Nor would my eating two pieces of pie cause my sweet little girl to have pretty much the same issues as me. I don't think over-indulging in pie is contagious.

So, the poor little squirts have not only had to endure earthquakes, tornadoes and hurricanes in their safe little haven, they have also had to endure being mal-nourished for over half a week. They are maaaaaaaddd! They are proving this to me by kicking, punching and stabbing every spare nook and cranny they can find. I can hardly blame them. This is reminiscient of the week prior to my giving birth to Care Bear when I was sick for an entire week with the stomach flu. She got so sick of it that she said, "Forget this!" and decided to come three weeks early. Recalling this, I panicked a little concerned due to the fact that if these babies got so sick of being in the chaos that is my body right now, they would try to come two and a half months early, which of course is in no way acceptable. So I called my doctor's office. When they panicked, I panicked more. They made me come in right then and even made me call inside the office when I was in the parking lot so that they could come out and sterlize me before I came in (read: sport an oh-so-cool surgical mask and slather myself with sterizing hand wash). I felt like a leper. They strapped a fetal monitor on to me to do a non-stress test, took a urine sample to make sure I don't have a bladder infection (which I think I do--those results still pending), and informed that I was probably going to be sent over to the hospital for the rest of the day to get hooked up to an IV to get rehydrated. SCORE!

Luckily, babies showed no signs of stress, heart-rates were good and instead of sending me to the hospital, they sent me on my way with instructions to drink plenty of Gatorade.

I'm on the mend. I was able to eat a cheese sandwich last night. Or rather, half of a cheese sandwich. I'm able to consume liquids again, which is also good. Care Bear as well has recovered for the most part and has been able to go to school this week. Now, if we can just get through the rest of this month with no illness, it will be the best Christmas present I could get--well, that and a new mini-van for my own personal daycare.

Baby Name Update

We thought we had names picked out. They were going to be Samantha Hope and Victoria Faith. And then the girls got involved. The big girls that is. They have very strong ideas as to what they want to name the babies. Feisty is bound and determined to name one of the babies Emma. She has not wavered from this point. I'm considering it. It's a real name (albeit quite over used right now) and it's cute. Care Bear has come up with quite an assortment of interesting names. One of her more viable options is Sierra (a friend's name at school) and her most recent choice: Janessa (also a friend from school). These are more acceptable to me than her previous suggestions such as: Olive (there is a specific reason I will not choose this name) and Guitarra (a completely made up, fabricrated name).

So, the whole baby name thing is still up in the air. I have all the suggestions everyone has given me written in a handy-dandy notebook which I refer to quite often. I love all of the suggestions. Keep them coming. It could be months still before the squirts have names. They could quite possibly go to Kindergarten without names. I think Little Squirt and Big Squirt are perfectly fine names to grow up with, don't you?!?!

Occupational Stuff

My husband is, as we speak, 3 miles west of me and about 3 hours into his new job joining the ranks of the rest of us esteemed employees of this higher education establishment. I am t-minus 22 minutes away from a meeting with my supervisors to discuss returning to part-time. Pray for us both. If you are a prayin' person. Thanks!

The Make Up Artist

And last but not least. Care Bear got a new Bratz doll this week. Don't criticize me on getting my daughter a Bratz doll. Daddy got it for her. In her mind, she's just a pretty doll. That's it. Anyhooooo.....the doll came with a little compact full of sparkly powder with which to adorn the doll's face. Adorning the doll's face, however, was not enough for Care Bear. It was turned into a full scale make-up salon. The evening was spent getting sparkly powder make-overs. Come to think of it, I probably should have double checked faces this morning to make sure any sparkly's were not left over. Oh, well.

The "salon " came complete with flowers for decoration, a keyboard for musical entertainment, a "tip jar" (I was informed right away that I must pay to receive facial treatments), cotton balls and her new winter gloves (lest she get sparkles on her fingers). The facials were done concurrently while watching the Charlie Brown Christmas Special. Good times.

And that's it for me! Happy Wednesday.

Happy Thanksgiving!!

I'm sitting here at work, looking at the beautiful, wintery scene outside my window. Just in time for the first "winter" holiday; just in time for putting up Christmas decorations; and just in time to host our families 3rd annual "Polar Express" viewing night, we have snow. It could not be more perfect, in my opinion. The only thing that would make it more perfect right now, for me, would to be snuggling at home with the rest of my family....and the rest of the world for that matter.....on the day before Thanksgiving, instead of here at work talking to people who are obsessing over their applications rather than getting ready for turkey day. Good grief.

My MIL is travelling here from North Dakota today. She is notorious for leaving later than she says she is going to, and getting later than her well-intentioned plan. Since her plan is to leave today, I'm concerned (especially with the weather) that she won't make it until well past turkey time tomorrow. Which is a problem, since she's bringing the turkey and the turkey roaster. And I'm hosting at my house this year. Yikes. We could be looking at the first ever "side dish only" Thanksgiving dinner. Woo-hoo! Luckily, if the worst should happen, I will have already eaten on Thanksgiving dinner at my Mom's house. I have to eat two every year. That's good this year. I do, after all, have two babies to feed. Speaking of which (and speaking of turkeys), this is how I feel right about now:

"I'm browned, basted and ready to be carved!! "

(10 points if you know what TV show that line comes from and extra bonus points if you can name the episode!)

I find it interesting the differing opinions on the current size of my mid-section. Some people look at me and can't resist telling me how huge I am; others look at me and inform me there is no way I could be carrying twins. To these folks I would like to say, "Well, then live in my shoes for day; once your 24 hours is up, tell me how much rest you got with two very active little girls in your belly kicking you non-stop and squeezing out your bladder every 20 minutes."

I will say that with this pregnancy it is all belly. With the other two I gained in my face, butt and everywhere else. Not this time. I truly look like I just took a basketball and strapped it onto my front. It's a very interesting look. Take a gander for yourself:

Kristen at 26 weeks

So, my guess is that the majority of you are going to comment and agree with the ones who say that there's no way I'm carrying twins. Let me say, however, that I still have 3 months left of this pregnancy. And then, let me tell you how big I did not get with either of my other two pregnancies. Here's some proof:

This is me at my baby shower for Care Bear. A mere two weeks before I gave birth. Note the face; the rear end, and the non-basket-ball appearance of my belly in this picture. And then note that indeed, I am larger in the belly area this time with three months to go.

And this is me nearing the end of my pregnancy with Feisty. (Not exactly sure on the timing). Same thing with the rear and the face. And the non-hugeness.

So, this is just me defending myself and my tendency to not be massively huge in my pregnancies. Not sure why I feel the need to defend myself, except to say that it drives me crazy when people have to continually give me their "expert" opinions on how large I should be at this point in my pregnancy. Everyone has to have their say.

I feel huge and I have quite a ways to go. Heartburn is setting in; Mylanta is a mainstay. Leg pain continues and life continues to move on at a way too rapid pace for me; especially considering how not ready I am yet for these babies to be here!

The dreams continue as well. The one I had last night had me giving birth to the twins. I was lucky enough to not have to have a C-section in the dream and they were born literally 30 seconds apart. One weighed 6 lbs 1 oz and one weighed 5 lbs 6 oz. They released me from the hospital two hours after they were born. I was bummed about that in my dream because I wanted to get some rest. (Not like anyone in a hospital having children ever gets any rest.) It'll be interesting to see how accurate my dream is (about the timing of the births and the birth weights....not the two hour stay. If that happens, they'll have to drag me out of that hospital kicking and screaming!)

I hope everyone's Thanksgiving is happy and wonderful and thankful. If you're travelling, travel safe; if you're cooking, try not to burn the turkey; and if you are lucky and just get to relax and enjoy the whole thing while someone else does all the work, well then.....I hope someone else makes you do the dishes.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!

Best 4th of July EVAH!

This was a really nice 4th of July this year. The past couple of years we have met my in-laws at the local park and spent the entire day there which I decided just was not.going.to.happen. this year. Too long and too tiring and too hot. So, this year, we didn’t really have a plan. Which I liked.

The morning we just hung out at home. I cleaned some, the kids watched some of the “Foster’s Home for Imaginary Friends” marathon on Cartoon Network (the only Cartoon Network show I allow in my house), they swam in their pool, made mud puddles in the grass and just had fun playing together. At around noon or so, we figured maybe we should get some sort of plan in order. We decided to go north to College Town this year instead of muddling through the crowds at our local park. It was a good decision in my opinion. The park here had a live band playing, several food booths, face painting booths, the ever-present political booths that show up at any city-wide event, booths selling stuff (of course), jumping castles, one of those humongous blow up slides (I’m not sure how else to describe it), a petting zoo, etc…..We got hot dogs, sno-cones, lots of water and pop and the kids had a great time.

After that we went home, relaxed a little, got some pizza then pushed the girls in the double stroller and walked to the park for the fireworks. Mike’s dad plays in the local band and they always do a concert right before the fireworks start so we watched that. For the first time in I don’t know how long, it started to rain right before the fireworks were to start. I couldn’t believe the amount of people who started packing up and leaving over a little rain. It wasn’t a downpour, or even a heavy rain. There was no hail. But whatever. Made it less crowded for us.

We were a little concerned about how Miss Feisty was going to handle the fireworks this year. Everytime anyone has shot off their own fireworks in the neighborhood this past week she has been freaking out. I was just envisioning myself having to leave the festivities and take her home, but I need not worry after all. She loved them. She loved the concert and pretended like she was conducting the band. She clapped and boogied along to all the music. She tried to catch the fireworks when they were in the sky. It was a great time. For your viewing pleasure…..

Settling in on the blankets.

She’s channeling someone here….not sure who though.

Trying to reach the fireworks.

And the big girl had to get in on the action, too, of course…

Feisty was very generous with her hugs from behind last night.

Pay no attention to the un-lady like pose here and just look at the cute smile and shades……

Cozied up watching the show…

Me and my big girl…

Unfortunately, I didn’t get any fun shots from earlier in the day. The girls fell asleep in their stroller on the way home. Mike, Anakin and I shot a few fireworks out in the street but decided to do the majority of them tonight so that the girls can enjoy them, too.

As I was sitting out on my front step while Mike put Anakin to bed, I heard a rustling noise. I assumed it was neighborhood cats. Imagine my utter panic when two huge skunks rounded the corner and were within mere feet of me and waddling my direction. I very carefully and quietly stood up opened the door and flew in my house. Wanna hear more about the skunks? Go visit my Mom today.

Hope your holiday was as enjoyable and relaxing as mine.