One would think that someone of the ripe old age of 32, married, with three kids would have mastered the art of the kitchen by now. Not only do I not know how to cook well (given the fact that I've actually had to award readers by helping me with recipes), but I don't know how to work a garbage disposal (since I almost lost my eye recently), and I now have a beautiful scar on the front and back of my arm from the evil monster called the oven!!
In trying to cook my children an ultra healthy meal of frozen chicken nuggets the other night, I reached in the oven to turn the nuggets over half way through their cooking cycle. Instead of taking an oven mitt (which was within arms reach of me) to pull out the oven rack to do this, I figured to myself, "Oh, I'll just stick my arm in there and turn them over." That is when a searing pain touched both sides of my arm and left beautiful marks on either side of my wrist. At first it didn't hurt too bad. Being the domesticated diva I am, I just put my wrist under cold water for awhile and figured I was good to go. Wrong! I know most of you mom's out there have probably never been in danger of a butcher knife taking out your eye or having an oven burn the life out of your arm, so you probably can't sympathize. But let me tell ya. It hurt. Within two days, I had a bubbling blister on my arm that hurt when I even tried to turn my wrist. And I now feel the need to tell anyone within arms length of me what a kitchen idiot I am lest they think I did something to purposely harm myself, because that's what it looks like.
People....Martha Stewart I AM NOT! If anyone in this world needed a maid, it would be moi! Applications now being accepted!!
Showing posts with label Sheer Stupidity. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Sheer Stupidity. Show all posts
Apr 3, 2007
In Which I'm Happy to Still Have My Eye
1st lesson in doing dishes:
Never, ever under any circumstances begin to run your garbage disposal unless you are absolutely certain that there is nothing impeding it. I know most people probably know this, and so do I. And I thought there was nothing impeding it but it was hard to tell what with all the food trying to make its way down the disposal. I discovered I was wrong when a butcher knife shot its way out of my sink like a rocket and missed my eye by about a millimeter. The whole incident lasted about 2.5 seconds, but in that time my heart stopped briefly and visions of a knife stuck in my eye and trying to picture my daughter calling 911 but not being able to after witnessing the horror of mom's bloody head swirled around. The fact that neither my husband nor my parents were around just furthered the panic. And then I realized....the knife didn't pierce my eye. I'm OK. No need to panic. But I am a little scared to do dishes now. If you don't believe me, come look at my sink.
Never, ever under any circumstances begin to run your garbage disposal unless you are absolutely certain that there is nothing impeding it. I know most people probably know this, and so do I. And I thought there was nothing impeding it but it was hard to tell what with all the food trying to make its way down the disposal. I discovered I was wrong when a butcher knife shot its way out of my sink like a rocket and missed my eye by about a millimeter. The whole incident lasted about 2.5 seconds, but in that time my heart stopped briefly and visions of a knife stuck in my eye and trying to picture my daughter calling 911 but not being able to after witnessing the horror of mom's bloody head swirled around. The fact that neither my husband nor my parents were around just furthered the panic. And then I realized....the knife didn't pierce my eye. I'm OK. No need to panic. But I am a little scared to do dishes now. If you don't believe me, come look at my sink.
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