Holiday Reading For You.....

I am, without a doubt, the luckiest Mommy who ever walked the earth. Period. The end. Don't even try to debate the issue with me.

My precious ones amaze me on a daily....no moment-ly (I know that isn't a real word....would you believe I am in college?!?!) basis. I plan to do a "newsy" post here in the next few days, but had to practice my mother's bragging rights, once again.

The last post I did was a book written by the dear, sweet Feisty who is following in her big sister's footsteps as a child prodigy author/illustrator. Tonight, I have to share a book that Care Bear began (but the masterpiece is not yet complete.) She writes books almost every day. I honestly have a Care Bear library. Anyone know a publisher who publishes children's books written by children?! Because, seriously....I could retire for life off of this girl's creations. (FYI....these are copyrighted....no really....they are!)

So, for your bedtime story tonight, I present Care Bear's latest literary masterpiece (or at least the first half of it....)

(note the apostrophe and the comma in this page...I don't think I knew what an apostrophe or comma was until at least the 3rd or 4th grade....I could be wrong....that was, after all almost 2.5 decades ago....ugggggggggghhhhhhhhhh)

(Always pays attention to detail....check out the reindeer's necklace and the red marks coming from his nose to make it look like it's shining....)

(That up there in the left hand corner is a conveyor belt delivering the presents to the elves. This is as far as she got. At this point, she was so tired of coloring that she asked me to take over. I had to explain to her that what I would do would not do her book justice and that she should just wait until the morning when she isn't so tired. Seriously. I would do shame to her book.....)

Now, all biases aside, is that not amazing?! I have so many others she has written that I could share....maybe I should make a blog solely for my children's creations....is that too indulgent?!?! And artwork aside....how about that handwriting?!?!

So...calling all children's book publishers.....I don't know a kid out there who wouldn't enjoy a book written for kids by a kid.....after all, who knows a kids mind better than a kid?!?!

Another Artist In The Family

So, Livi is following in the footsteps of her big sister and foraying into the world of children's books written by children. I literally have a small library of books that Hayley has written, and the other day, Livi informed me she had written a book. She just drew the pictures and told me the story as she showed it to me and she has changed it each time she's told it; but I do know for sure that it is about me, Hayley and the twins. But I must share it. She is very proud!! (As well she should be!!)

The Front Page. These are "Ws".

She is learning about the letter W in school right now.

Not too shabby if you ask me!

This is supposed to be me. Aren't I gorgeous?!

This is a self portrait.

This is Hayley and her.

This is the twins and her.

And this is all four of them. The girls that is.

I personally think it's Pulitzer prize material. What do you think?? Not too shabby for a four year old, eh?

Doing Better

Thank you all so much for your kind words of encouragement when I was having my little "melt down". Not to minimize it....I was in a bad place at that time. Your comments made me feel not so alone.

Funny thing though....not too long after I wrote that post, somehow I just felt.....better. Not sure exactly what happened, but I quit worrying about things so much. A lot of the issues I was having at the time I published that post had more to do with former in-law issues than kid issues. I was expending a large amount of time trying to figure out where I fit in within this new and strange picture. Most of the time when couples divorce, the ex-husband and his family continue on, and the ex-wife and her family continue on. In my case, I continue on with both sides, but don't feel like I fit in so much with them anymore. But my children are still blood related to them. So I have felt a little awkward at times. I have some current issues with my former MIL that are still on-going, and I am not going to get into them. But somehow, I quit worrying about that, too. I just decided one day, "I don't know what these people think about me; I don't know how they feel about me, and quite honestly, I really don't care anymore. Like it or not, they will remain a part of my life because of my children and I might as well make the best of it." So I have. And since I made that decision, life has become significantly less stressful.

Don't get me wrong; I still have the on-going daily stress of raising four little girls on my own and a four year old who is still dealing with some major issues, but those issues are getting taken care of as well, and all I can do is leave her in God's hands and trust Him to take care of what I can't for her.

In summary: for now, I feel better. Still stressed, but much more relaxed about it, if that makes any sense. Not to say that I will never again have another melt down. Pretty much par for the course for someone in my current situation. But it sure does help to know that there are people out there that love me and are praying for me; even those that I have never met before. So thank you.

And now, for some adorable pictures from our very relaxing, enjoyable Thanksgiving.....

Care Bear's braids courtesy of Aunt Sema

Feisty's braids courtesy of Aunt Sema

Katie playing with Grandpa P's mustache

Care Bear's fancy letter to Santa. Yeah, I know....her real name. No mistake.

Quite honestly, I didn't feel like taking the time to block it out. I trust you all.

I can trust you all, right?!?!?!

Oh, and incidentally, since you now know the other 3 girls' names, it hardly seems fair to leave Feisty out. Her real name: Olivia, but she insists on being called "Livi". So, there you go. But just for the record, should I ever go public again, they will resume as Care Bear and Feisty. Those names are still extremely fitting.

Wow. Tell ya what. If I had only two words to choose from out of the English language to describe how I have felt the past two weeks, here they are: Beaten.Down. Isn't that just a fantastic, upbeat way to start a post?! Serious, though folks. I have spent the past two weeks in fields with the groundhogs looking for one that is roughly the same size and weight as me so I could follow him to his hole and go underground with him. For an indefinite period of time. But whoa is me....no such groundhog exists! Who knew?!

Unfortunately, when you are a single mother of four young children, such luxuries as burying yourself underground are not practical. A short reprieve here or there, maybe.....as long as you have a compassionate, understanding and caring mother such as I do. But it doesn't last forever. And I don't want it to last forever. Because I love my kids; I need my kids; and they need me. But wowza....it's been rough.

I posted this song awhile back (a long while back) when I was dealing with other difficulties, but as I was driving home today after picking up Feisty at school and had received yet another emotional beating, this song came on my favorite Christian radio station and it is so much more apropos to my life now than it even was then. Not because I'm dealing with an emotionally abusive situation, but just because. It is perfect and I plan to keep this song in the back of my head at all times, if possible.

My girls are worth it and the reason I wake up every morning. Thank God for them!

If you were too busy reading my post to listen to the words of the song, refresh and listen again to the words. It's a great song.

Hurray for Poop, Pee, and Sweet Dreams Juice!!

We're throwing a little party in here today!! Hurray for poop and pee in the potty!! Miss Feisty, as you know, has had her share....more than her share.....of health difficulties over the past year and a half. Twelve (12) UTIs to be exact. Doctor after doctor....ER visit after ER visit....more well meaning words of advice and tips than you can imagine.....so many antiobiotics that I would be surprised if she hasn't become completely immune. X-rays, invasive and uncomfortable tests, "pokies" (Feisty's word for shots and IVs) and two hospital stays.

Last month, when she was infected with her 10th UTI, she was finally able to see her primary care physician. We belong to one of those pediatric clinics that employ at least a dozen doctors, and unless you have an appointment booked way in advance, you better pray your lucky stars that you actually get to see the one you want. Well, it never happened that way. Every time (almost) she saw a different doc and we had to re-invent the wheel. Finally, last month, she got to see her doc. And thank the Lord for him. Stuff started to get done for her and she was referred to a pediatric urologist in Denver. She had that appointment yesterday. Unfortunately, for her, she had to endure yet another renal ultra sound and a horrible VCUG (uncomfortable and invasive for an adult.....much less a teeny four year old girl). The good news? No kidney damage, no urinary tract damage. Just a simple case of a vicious cycle of constipation, fear of potty, constipation blocking her bladder, fear again, more constipation causing the UTIs and on and on and on. The doctor yesterday gave us wonderful tips, advice, words of wisdom and (drum roll please....) a medicine that will prevent her from getting UTIs. Huh. What a concept. I believe I recall requesting this medication for her over a year ago after UTI number 3 or 4. I feel optimistic for the first time since this battle began. I feel hopeful and I feel in control of the situation. When you don't know what you're dealing with or what steps to take to make it better, its rather hard to feel in control; thus leaving the control in the hands of a very stubborn, willful and feisty four year old!!

My little girl is back. Her smile, her laugh, the spring in her step, her squeals of joy and the sparkle in her beautiful eyes. It is wonderful to see her be four again and not riddled with the misery of UTIs and constipation. She pooped twice in the potty today! Hallelujah! She did have a couple of accidents, but in her defense, she wasn't near a potty and given the fact that her doctor doubled her dose of Miralax, she's had some umm...diarrhea. But she is trying, which is more than I could've said a week ago! Thanks for all of your prayers and thoughts for my little darling girl. Don't stop now, though. This isn't a quick fix. She has to re-establish good habits and abandon bad habits that have taken her a long time to learn. She now has to un-learn them. And we have until next August when she goes to Kindergarten. (Lord willing, it will happen before January when she wants to enroll in a new pre-school that doesn't put up with un-potty-trained kids).

Another battle that we have dealt with for a long time is bedtime. For both of my girls. (The big ones that is). When I was a young, naive Mom, I had this goofy and ridiculous desire to cuddle my babies until they fell asleep and then place their sleepy little bodies in their beds. What I didn't realize at that time, was that meant that they would then expect that from me when they were 1, 2, 3, 4.....and beyond. Little did I know that my enjoyment of cuddling my babies to sleep was going to wreak havoc on future bedtime. I just recently (we're talking 5 months ago, maybe) got my children to actually learn to go to bed....in their own beds.....without me cuddling them until they go to sleep. Talk about a wonderful release of stress for me. I dreaded bedtime every day of my life.

It was going well until about two weeks ago when all of a sudden Feisty decided to revert back and decide she didn't like sleeping in her own bed. Inevitably every night, five minutes after she was in bed, I would hear, "Mommy?!" Dread filled me everytime I heard that because I knew what was coming next. "I'm scared. I want to sleep in your bed tonight." Besides the fact that I did not want to re-introduce that bad habit, I do all my school work in my room. Which requires light. And my computer. Several nights in a row, I had to forego doing my school work because my little girl was crashed out in my bed. Simply telling her that there was nothing to be scared of and that mommy is in the next room did nothing for her. Didn't matter.

One night, about a week ago, when I felt that this new problem( rather old problem re-visited) was here to stay, I had a stroke of genius as I walked up the stairs to, once again, beg my daughter to stay in her own bed. For mommy's sake, please!! She wanted some apple juice to drink. I got her some juice, and when I got into her room, I informed her very confidently that the juice I was presenting her with was "sweet dream juice". "This juice, if you drink it all" (which was also laced with her required stool softener), I told her, "will give you only sweet dreams. Keep it by you all night and if you get scared, take a drink." I got a huge smile from her. VICTORY!! It worked. Wow. An idea all my own. Not one given to me by another parent, my mother, a parenting book or a (former) sister-in-law across the street. An idea all my own. She drank it all down (which accomplished two goals; sleep and poop), and as I walked out of the room, she informed me, "Mommy! Now I'm dreaming about flowers!" I could barely contain my gleeful laugh! Woo-hoo!

It is now imperative that I have on stock at all times "sweet dream juice" (i.e. Tree Top Apple Juice.....Kroger brand will suffice). One night I ran out. I panicked slightly, and informed her that we ran out of sweet dream juice, so tonight, sweet dream milk would have to do. And it did. And it has worked every night since.

Rock ON!!

And oh yeah....the twins? They are ten months old today. Their birthday is in two months!! What?! Wasn't it just a week or two ago that I was sitting in the hospital on bed rest?! Almost a year. And what a year it has been! They are 14.5 and 13 lbs respectively. Both have their bottom two teeth, Kate is cutting her top two, and both are thisclose to crawling. Time to dig out the baby gates! I almost have toddler twins! UFF DA!!

My Moral Soapbox

My mom asked me the other day when I was going to do a new post. My response was that I have nothing that I want to write about. Life has taken a few unexpected and unpleasant turns for me and my girls lately and pardon me if I don't feel like depressing my few readers. I had contemplated coming on here and complaining; giving another "poor me" saga. But you don't need to hear it, and I don't need to dwell on it anymore than I have. Time to move forward and past the negativity. So, I will interrupt that thought process and get onto my moral soapbox, which is very a-typical of me, but what the hey......nothing in my life is typical anymore, so therefore, I will not be either.





America has a new President. Barack Obama.....history in the making. Extremely disturbing to me.

Colorado had an amendment on the ballot this election: Amendment 48. An amendment to the Colorado constitution defining the term "person" to include any human being from the moment of fertilization as "person" is used in those provisions of the Colorado constitution relating to inalienable rights, equality of justice, and due process of law.


Colorado, the state I love....the state I call home.....shot down this amendment. What a blow. I was hopeful with this amendment....hopeful that our future included finally recognizing that a baby in utero is a human even before it has a heartbeat.

I was holding my precious daughter Katie the other day....watching her move, smile, look around as she discovered her world and I thought about that amendment. That little girl (who is much more a little girl than baby now), was my little girl from the moment she was conceived. I believe that with my whole heart. As is her twin sister, Emma.

Throughout my pregnancy with the twins, I struggled with the knowledge that my little girls could be born with genetic defects. That in all probability, Katie was going to be born with a defect that would render her severely deformed and she could quite possibly not live beyond a week of delivery. I was told that Emma could also face that possibility; if she even made it to birth. I was given the option of "terminating" the pregnancy. Is this something I want? The doctor asked me many times. My unequivocal answer every time was "NO." Those are living, breathing, human beings growing inside of me and regardless of the potential problems they may or may not have, they have the right to life. I am not God. It is not up to me to choose if they live or die.


And thank the Lord I made that choice. Because if I had made the opposite choice, I would not have the precious, wonderful and amazing little girls who have overcome so many obstacles in their paths. And even if they weren't as healthy as they are, I would have loved them just the same.



This amendment was deeply personal to me; and I was holding out hope that the state I love, the state I call home, would share those feelings with me. But apparently not. Apparently we are not human until we are born. Because from what I understand, partial birth abortion is on its way to becoming legal again.


These babies were once "embryos".....look at 'em now.....

Just my personal opinion, but that is worth saving......

GOD BLESS AMERICA!!!!!!!!!!!!

My Little Skit----Enjoy!!

Judge: "Divorce anyone?!?!"

Me: "Yes, sir. I'll take one, please."

Judge: "Take a number....you are next in line."

Me: "Thank you, oh kind sir...."

Judge: "Mrs....oh, excuse me....MISS Kristen.....one divorce coming up. Your order will be up tomorrow. Just be here on time. Oh....and with your babies' social security numbers, please."

Me: "You can count on me, sir. Oh, and if you could, please, kind sir. With my order, could you please super-size it and add in a kind, sweet, chivalrous, HARD-WORKING, loving husband, who loves my children somewhere down the road? I'm willing to pay extra."

Judge: "I can't help you there, ma'am. But if you make your request known to my boss, (his name is God....the big judge), he will take it into consideration, I am sure."

Me: " I will, sir. Thank you. But for now, thanks for my 'order'. Although it did take a little longer than I had hoped it would. Five months. Could've been worse, though. Thanks!"

Judge: "You're welcome. You're a free woman now. Go forth and do good things."

Me: "Count on it. Maybe one of these days in the near future, I will be working with you. I plan to make good things happen for me and my kids."

Judge: "I know you will. "Enjoy" your divorce."

Me: "No question about it. See ya!"

If this makes absolutely no sense to you whatsoever.....email me or my mom.....we'd be happy to explain!!

Over You by Daughtry (adapted to fit my situation)

Now that it’s all said and done

I can’t believe you were the one

To build me up and tear me down

Like an old abandoned house

What you said when I left

Just left me cold and out of breath

I fell too far, was in way too deep

Guess I let you get the best of me

(Chorus) Well I never saw it coming

I should have started running

A long, long time ago!

And I never thought I’d doubt you I’m better off without you

More than you, more than you know

I’m slowly getting closure I guess it’s really over I’m finally gettin’ better

Now I’m picking up the pieces

From spending all of these years

Putting my heart back together

‘Cause the day I thought I’d never get through I got over you!!! (End Chorus)

You took a hammer to these walls

Dragged the memories down the hall

I Packed my bags and walked away

There was nothing you could say,

And when I slammed the front door shut

A lot of other’s opened up

So did my eyes so I could see

That you never were the best for me

(Chorus) Well I never saw it coming I should have started running

A long, long time ago!

And I never thought I’d doubt you I’m better off without you

More than you, more than you know

I’m slowly getting closure I guess it’s really over

I’m finally getting’ better

Now I’m picking up the pieces

From spending all of these years

Putting my heart back together

‘Cause the day I thought I’d never get through I got over you!!!

On The Menu Today....Poop!!! Mmmmmm

The day started out like any other ordinary day in the life of Kristen....oh oops...my bad.....no it didn't. It started out like a train wreck when I was jolted out of bed at the early hour of 7:30 by Care Bear who sauntered into my room, turned on the TV and settled into watch Nick Jr. (Not that I expect my 6 year old --although she is usually more organized than I am-- to voluntarily get herself up and start getting ready for school when Mom is crashed out in bed still.) It took me a minute or two to get my bearings and figure out what was going on. Is it Saturday? What time is it? Why is my TV on? Why is Care Bear in my bed? And WHAT THE?!?!....Why is my face stuck to my Family Law book and UGH....whose morning breath is that?!?! GROSS! It's mine!

The morning continued to improve as I managed to get my lazy butt to the bathroom and discover that since I had chosen to use my text book as a pillow last night, my face was adorned with beautiful pink and green tattoos from high lighter pens. "Wow," I thought to myself. "Are my fellow moms at Care Bear's school ever going to be impressed by me this morning!!" However, lucky for me, I didn't have to worry about that, since as the next half hour progressed, it became glaringly obvious to me that I was not going to make it in time to take Care Bear to school (unless I really intended to scare the bejeezus out of the school administration and make them doubt my sanity and abilities as a mother...). Lucky for me, I have a sister-in-law (who I will legally only be able to refer to as my friend in the very near future) who lives across the street and was more than willing to escort Care Bear to school that morning. I think she was concerned about my sanity a little herself this morning when she got a glimpse of me.

I breathed a little sigh of relief when she said she would take Care Bear to school because the pressure was off a little. I didn't have to offend anyone with my face artwork, or my heinous morning breath, or my babies' nasty smelling diapers. The relief was short lived, however, when I discovered that during the chaos of getting Care Bear out the door, that my little Emma Bemma was downstairs screaming her head off. It didn't take me long to realize that her little constipation problem (don't get me started on the fact that I seem to have yet another child who suffers constipation) had apparently corrected itself overnight and a little explosion had taken place in her pants. She (suffice it to say) was not happy with how long it took me to take care of her issue. So much so that it was nearly impossible to get her wiggly little butt to sit still so I could place another diaper on her. Between holding her belly down to get the new diaper on her and using my other hand to wipe her, I somehow neglected to wad up and secure the nasty diaper. But by the time I had finished with her, I had another screaming baby to tend to and a four year old screaming at me for Fruit Pebbles. So, the stinky diaper got forgotten.....

Fast forward half an hour. Feisty has been fed...babies have been changed. And curiously enough, I realized (a little too late) that those babies were being uncharacteristically quiet. For babies who don't stay content for more than ten minutes at a time, that made me a little nervous. And my instinct was correct. As I headed down the stairs, the pungent aroma of baby bowels was a little too strong for my taste. My first thought was "Oh CRAP (literally)....a baby pooped on the floor.....". Oh, if only that was all.....

My sweet little curious scooters had discovered a fun new toy. The un-wadded, un-secured MASSIVELY POOPY diaper! "Oh, what fun this is! What is this squishy smelly stuff? Let's finger paint with it Katie! OK, Emma! Wee-hhheeeeeee this is fun!! And since we put absolutely everything in our mouths, why should this be any different?! I mean who care if it smells like the county dump! How will we know if we don't try?!?!" Have you ever smelled a babies' breath after they have taste tested their own poop??!?! I hope for your sake that you haven't. This was a new one for me. A new mommy experience. I thought I had experienced it all. And you might think that was it. But not quite. Feisty, curious to know what all the commotion was about came down the stairs, and in my full on panic, I failed to notice that she had stepped in the poo and tracked it all over the white play room carpet!!!! (Please tell me....who puts white carpet in their house unless they plan to use it for a show home?!?!....No offense to anyone here who may have white carpet.)

In a mere hour, I managed to have a full months worth of disasters. I was a walking Murphy's Law example this morning. After the disasters had settled, the poo was cleaned off of carpets, shoes, clothes and babies' mouths, and I had to sit on my front porch, stare off into space for a minute or two, and then did the only thing I could do. Laugh hysterically. I mean really. Who does this happen to?!?! Me. That's who.

On a high note....the rest of the day was great. The weather was beautiful; Feisty and I played in the carpet of leaves at my parents' house and enjoyed the day and I did no school work. Who could concentrate after all that?? Not to mention my head is so full right now I think I might just be on overload.

Oh, and just for the record.....this song playing is my new anthem. Not the part about wanting to start a fight, or being a rock star....but the other stuff. Booyah!!

Do I Have Any Teeth Left?!?!

You can't see it right now but I am opening my mouth really wide in an effort to send out cyber signals so you can tell me if I have any teeth left. I don't think I do because I have gritted them down to the gums in the past few days or so. And I think I've worked jaw muscles I didn't even know I had from clenching it so much.

In a word (or three....) I am stressed. I told my mom today that a certain person in my life would call my stress "karma" for what I have put him through in the past few months (albeit greatly deserved).

Gone are the fantasy filled days of the summer; lounging in the pool, doing whatever I wanted with the girls, and thoroughly enjoying the freedom I had so longed for for so long. Gone are the pretty nails that I loved so much (even though it was impossible to do anything with them like, say, button a 4 year olds' shirt....besides, who can afford to keep 'em up anyway). It is now rare that I wear make-up (who has the time) or make my hair pretty (again....the time issue). But my very kind mother told me the other day (on a particularly gross feeling day) that even on my worst days now, I look better than I did a few months ago on my best day. MAN, I must have really looked like poop in the "old days". Little did I know..... And get this.....I have gained almost 10 lbs in the past 5 months. For most people, that would be a crisis. For this former skin n' bones? Not so much a bad thing. I can now wear my jeans and only put the belt on the 3rd hole instead of the 4th! That's an accomplishment people! (And my low weight?? Nothing to do with another situation I battled years ago......these days, I love to eat. A little thing called stress made it impossible. Some people over eat under stress....I can't eat under stress.) I knew the "romance" of it wouldn't last forever. Or maybe I didn't know it. Maybe I thought my life was going to be a bed of roses from here on out. WRONG! Take it from me; if you are ever in a position like mine (which I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy, just so y'know...), don't get too cocky or excited when things take the appearance of going your way. Cuz inevitably one, or two, or maybe three (for good measure) shoes will start to drop....from everywhere.

"Why such a negative attitude tonight, Kristen", you may ask. Hmph. Because I have had the day (or two or three.....for good measure) from H....E.....double hockey sticks. (That's hell, just in case you missed it.)

Feisty is once again (if she ever wasn't) suffering from UTIs. Her pediatrician (who she was rarely able to see throughout her struggles over the past year and a half) finally referred us to a pediatric urologist and offered me multiple suggestions on how to conquer the constipation/potty training/UTI problem(s). The bad part for Feisty??? Since no one else up until this point has bothered to offer these suggestions, my poor little four year old girl (who has been to the doctor more than any four year old should ever have to) has to once again endure uncomfortable and not fun tests that she just took a year ago which came back negative to any genetic problems causing these problems. This could have all been avoided had these little nuggets of advice had been given to me long ago. Or maybe not. I have also been referred to a psychologist for her for other possible reasons for her problems that I can not even begin to fathom and which I will not go into in this forum. If you are a praying person, please pray for my precious little girl.....

I am on multiple benefits from the government right now. Yes, I will put it out there.....I am POOR. Dirt POOR. So I am (supposed to be) getting certain benefits that are crucial in keeping my family alive. (Just a minor thing....). I know the feelings that surround people who are on welfare. But believe me, I am not one of those people who just keeps poppin' out kids and refuses to get a job just so I can continue to live off the government. (Don't let those four little gems of mine fool you......I am DONE. No more kid poppin' for me!) The problem??? The #$%@@ government apparently doesn't know how to do their job and are under the hugely mistaken impression that I am enjoying receiving their benefits and are in no huge hurry to make sure I get those. Cuz you know....I really love being poor and I really have a suga daddy out there that is supporting me and I am just mooching off the government for no real reason. Anyhooooo.....I was supposed to receive some of those benefits three days ago. They haven't shown up yet. I inquired today as to why. "Oh", says the highly helpful clerk at the office. "It looks like you haven't turned in something that you were supposed to." Right now, let me give you a visual. Have you ever seen a cartoon in which a character in the cartoon gets so mad that the top of their head literally comes off and it looks like a volcano is erupting from it? Well, if I were a cartoon, that would've been me today. But I maintained. Barely. "I turned those documents in almost a month ago.....by the deadline." Upon more searching, the highly helpful clerk discovered that, "Oops....our bad....the office in the town up north just received your file yesterday. So, I can set up an appointment with a clerk for you or you can call the call center and see if they can get moving on your file ASAP." At that point in time, I had to quickly walk out of that office and use every amount of restraint I had to keep from running through the halls of that office and screaming what I really thought of them. But I didn't. Aren't you proud of me? I declined the appointment. Been there.....done that. And the call center??? Yeah. Three calls in the past week that have resulted in 30+ minute waits each time. I guess us poor people are just not important enough to be waited on or helped in an expedient manner. Dude....tell you what......when I become President....................................

Next....on to the Social Security Administration (which, in my $%($# town is only open one day a week) to find out what is going on with the social security cards for me and the girls (which were stolen quite some time ago which I ordered quite some time ago). I walk in, birth certificates in hand (which by the way cost $88 to get because a person who shall remain nameless decided to take the certificates with him when he/she/it moved out), ID in hand, only to be told that, "Oh, I'm sorry. But we need some form of ID for the kids, such as insurance cards (Medicaid doesn't suffice because it doesn't have their birth dates on them) or immunization records showing their birth dates on them. (Cue the head exploding volcano again.....). UMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM......what more official form if ID could you possibly need besides a birth certificate which not only proves their date of birth, but their time of birth and the parents' names?!?!?! Again, I somehow maintained my composure and somehow walked calmly out of that office. I don't know how I did it. Divine intervention.

All of this was going on this morning while I was supposed to be studying for a major exam for Mr. Professor, Lawyer Sir (see previous post) which is due Monday, which I am not going to get done because my lifeline (i.e. MY MOM) is going to be leaving Friday morning for 10 days, and I am lucky enough to get to attend a class all evening Friday and all day Saturday which will leave me no time for studying. Oh, and incidentally.....that albatross of an assignment I told you about?!?! I got a B!!!!! The man not only took away any form of life I have (and continues to do so) but he had the absolute audacity to give me a B and tarnish my (thus far) straight A record.

WOW! That felt realllllll good!! Oh, and I almost forgot one itty bitty little thing. The person(s) who convinced me to make a major life change recently and promised to support me in that major life change are suddenly having a change of heart. Cool, huh? Not a smart move when you're dealing with someone studying law. This situation screams "breach of contract" all over it!!! Watch out! I am in a mood!!!!!

Now, I think I will go brush my (almost non-existent) teeth and go to bed. Mr. Lawyer Professor Sirs test will just have to wait until tomorrow. I've spent too much time with him today!! Maybe next time you hear from me I will be the happy, perky Kristen once again. Ha.

Removal Of The ALBATROSS!!!

I have had an albatross on my back that I would estimate weighs approximately 50 lbs for the past two weeks. And as of 10 minutes ago, I removed it.

My Intro to Law Instructor is apparently under the (mistaken) impression that his is the only and by far, the most important class that anyone is taking. Well, let me tell you now, Mr. Lawyer Professor sir....you are dead wrong. I have three other lawyer, professor ma'ams that also expect me to spend at least some time on their classes as well. If I were already a lawyer or a paralegal working in a law firm, the billable hours I would have accumulated in the last two weeks would have me rich already. I mean, for cryin' out loud dude....this is an INTRO class. Let me clue you in.....we are not yet in the legal profession!!! (Although, I will give you this....after this assignment, I do feel ready to write a resume and go job searching, so in that respect, you have done your job....).

Due to one measly assignment, I have had little to no sleep, lots of stress, loss of eye sight due to the seven case laws all in legaleze and in 10 pt. font I have had to read, no time to relax, no free time to spend with my kids and I think, just think, I may have just cornered the market on Folger's Coffee and International Delights French Vanilla Coffee Creamer. My eye is twitching....and my legs....you can't see it, but they are.

But, with three minutes to spare, I submitted that ridiculous albatross and for maybe a period of 12 hours, I can put away the coffee, lose the twitchies and get some sleep. If I can remember how. And assuming my children will afford me that little pleasure.

Tell ya what....it had better be worth it. I'm sure it is, but right now, the only interest I have is my pillow, my blankie and my bed. So......g'night.

Hello?!?! Anyone There???

Probably not since my blog is collecting dust and I could swear I just saw a spider web in the corner of it due to total abandonment. Huh. How could this have possibly happened? How on earth did something that used to be such a humongous part of my life get completely wiped of the face of the blog-earth? Well, let's examine......my life consists of this currently:

1. Taking twelve credits that include: Intro to Law, Family Law, Contract Law and Ethics in Law
2. A first-grader who is at a fifth grade reading level and who prays at night for harder math homework.
3. A pre-schooler who goes to pre-school four days a week.
4. Two very active 8 month old babies who consider anything within their reach fair game; including, but not limited to: hair, earrings, teeth, lips, noses, pop, coffee, straws, tablecloths, car seat straps, etc.etc.etc. and who grow more and more beautiful by the day and who have definitely found their voices. Uff-da!
5. Volunteering at Care Bear's School
6. Being in the PTO at Care Bear's School
7. Swimming Lessons
8. Soccer Lessons
9. Laundry
10. Laundry
11. Laundry
12. Did I mention laundry?
13. Dishes
14. Dishes
15. Dishes....you get the point.
16. Weeding my garden
17. Mowing my lawn
18. Carving intricate pumpkins for Halloween....don't get me started on the fact that it's only September 20....
19. Play dates
20. Birthday Parties
21. Appointment after
22. Appointment after
23. Appointment
24. Praise Band
25. Church
26. Catching up on three weeks of my soap opera....HEY! I need something to relax by, don't I? Even if it requires me to start drinking coffee at 9 p.m. on a Friday night, which (incidentally) keeps me up until 3 a.m. only to be awakened by active infants at 6:45 a.m.....
27. Drama with certain relatives which I have no desire to get into at this point in time
28. Facilitating long awaited family reunions
29. Hosting Sunday dinners
30. Fashion Shows for girlies
31. Jr. Cheerleading for 1st grade girl
32. Occasional babysitting of blondies
33. Looming stress of important upcoming event
34. COPIOUS dates with scads of handsome, rich, men who have no issue dating a 33 year old women with four daughters ages 6 and under. Seriously? You think I'm serious? Yeah. You don't know me too well do you??

Anyway, you get the point. I miss the blog. I miss the outlet it gave me and the friendships it provided me. But unfortunately, this computer (which I thought would provide me more blogging opportunity) has been merely a tool for my schoolwork! HUH!?! Yeah. No internet playing for me. And my celebrity knowledge right now? Zip. Zilch. Nada. I have not a clue what is happening with Ms. Spears, Ms. Simpson, TomKat, Brangelina or any of the rest. Pretty sad for someone who used to write "Celebrity News by Kristen" once a week and thoroughly enjoyed it.

But life changes; circumstances change; priorities change. My priority is my girls and making sure I am creating a life that they deserve and doing everything I can for them. They are my number 1 (and 2 and 3 and 4) priorities. And while I would give anything in the world to be able to actually sit down and relax for 5 minutes before I fall into bed at midnight or 1 a.m., I wouldn't trade it right now. Because it's all worth it to me when I hear my little girls tell me every day and every night that I am "the best mommy in the world" and their "best buddy". Wow. Who could ask for more?!

So I hope you'll bear with me. Check in on me every now and then. I won't promise to be a regular around here, but I'll come by when I can.

Love....

An Olive Branch.....

It's been awhile. I have been out of the loop as far as the computer is concerned. I now finally have one and hopefully will be able to post more frequently. Except for the fact that I am managing to keep myself pretty busy right now. I start school on Monday. Going back to school....studying law.....mom always told me I'd be a good lawyer because I argue so well, so here goes. I'm excited, anxious, nervous, and ready to go.

Life is good right now. But I have a bit of business to attend to first and foremost, so this post is directed to one person in particular. I don't even know if this person will see this post, but even if they don't, I will feel better by posting this. So bear with me while I direct this post to one person:

To You Friend and Loved One.....

It's been awhile since we have spoken. It's been a tough year and a half or so. I apologize sincerely for my part in what happened between us. I know that you only had my best interests at heart and anything and everything that was done was only as a result for your love and concern for me. I blew it out of proportion and I apologize. At the time that our issue arrived, I knew what I had to do, but was still holding out hope for things working out. I was disillusioned and blind.

I firmly believe more than ever before that everything happens when it is supposed to and in God's time. Apparently a year and a half ago, I wasn't quite ready to be where I am now. Because now, without a shadow of a doubt, I am strong. I am where I need to be, doing what I need to be doing, and the pieces of the puzzle are coming together and creating a beautiful masterpiece. And I am so excited. But I involved you in my situation last year, and you tried to help. And when I backed out on what I was going to do at that time, I ended up hurting you as a result. I apologize with my whole heart and I hope you can find it within yours to forgive me. I miss you.....I love you.....and I want our relationship to be healed. I don't expect a quick fix. But I would like to begin to mend our relationship. And our friendship.

If that is something you are willing to do, there are people that you know who know how you can get in contact with me. If not, I understand. But regardless, it was important to me that you know how I feel. I hope life has been treating you well!

Much Love......

Have you ever woken up one day and had an overwhelming sense of clarity regarding a situation you were in? Well I have. And it happened to me 2 months and 6 days ago. I woke up that morning and knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that I could no longer be in the situation I was in any longer and I had to do something about it. There was no question, no hesitation. Just a matter of fact. It had to be done. My situation had been declining rapidly over the course of the past 15 or 16 months. I knew this whole time, as things continually got worse, that eventually I would have to do something about this. But I didn't know how. I didn't know when. It was overwhelming, terrifying, and seemingly impossible to fathom.

None of that mattered anymore as I woke up that morning and determined that "This is the day things are going to change. I don't know how I'm going to do it. I don't know how it is all going to work out." But I somehow knew that it would be OK. It had to be. Because I had lost myself and I needed to get myself back. I was smothering, I was drowning and I didn't even know who I was anymore. Day to day life had become a depressing chore of being miserable but trying to maintain the illusion that everything was A.O.K for my kids' sake.

That day was 2 months and 6 days ago. And while I am not going to go into any great detail about the situation or what has gone on the last two months, I will say this: I feel human again. I feel alive again. I feel like the massive weight I had on my shoulders for so long has been lifted. I wake up and see the sun. I hear the birds. I play with my kids. I feel free to enjoy my kids. I feel like I can be at home. Little things that I didn't even realize were sucking the life out of me are things I don't have to worry about anymore. I have a tan. I have a hair cut. I wear make up. I have pretty finger and toe nails. I bought some new jewelry and clothes. I'm enrolling in school this fall. My daughter is taking swimming lessons. I'm re-establishing old relationships and enjoying a couple of new friends. My girls are flourishing and having a fabulous summer.

So many doors have shut the past few years for me......and many, many, many windows are opening up. And I am thoroughly enjoying spreading my wings and flying through all of those open windows. I've felt broken for a long time. I'm not saying things are a piece of cake. There are definite challenges. But I am embracing those challenges now rather than wondering how I am going to make it through another day. And every day, another window seems to appear out of nowhere and open right up.

Right now, at this moment in time, life is good. And it's been a long time since I could honestly say that! BOO-YAH!!

Amazing what two weeks can do. There are lots of changes happening. Healing occurring on many fronts, and fresh starts beginning. Mama will be OK.

Happy Birthday Sweet Feisty!

My dear, sweet Feisty,

There is no way in the world that a simple letter to you on you birthday could accurately convey to you how much I love you, how much you mean to me, and how proud I am to have you as my daughter. But hopefully you know that already and someday you'll have a good time reading back on the letters I wrote you for your birthday.

Exactly 4 years and 4 hours ago you came into my life. It is unbelievable to me that it has been that long already and you are such a big girl now. They say that when you become a parent that time goes so much faster than it ever did and that kids grow up so fast. I am finding that to be more and more true every day, week, month and year.

I remember your birth-day like it was yesterday. I can remember your cry, your face when they first gave you to me. I remember those first few days of your life in the hospital and after we took you home and how the adjustment from 2 to 3 kids seemed so huge to me at the time (looking back and knowing what I know now.....that was cake). I remember your colic and thinking how it was never going to end and people telling me their stories of colic and how those children turned out to be the most mild-mannered, sweet and empathetic children. While I wouldn't exactly call you "mild-mannered", the words "sweet" and "empathetic" could have your picture next to them in the dictionary.

I love you so much and for so many reasons; first and foremost because you are my daughter. But you endear yourself to me more and more every day because of who you are and who you are becoming.

I love your heart. It is so tender. It is so caring. It is so full of love and concern, sympathy and empathy for the people you care about.

I love how protective you are of your big sister, Care Bear. Despite the fact that sometimes she can be a bully-ish big sister, that never phases you and your love for her never wavers. She has always been and will always be your hero.

I love how you have acclimated so well to being a big sister. You are a champ. I love how you care for and love your little baby sisters, particularly "your baby", Emma. I love how you talk baby talk to them.

I love how you rub in the kisses I give you so that you can keep them forever.

I love your imagination and I love how you do not need to have the most modern gadgets and toys in order to have fun playing. You use the best gadget you have; your brain. I love that you want to play with me, your old mama, in these games. I cherish that because I know that will not always be the case.

I love how you call goosebumps "juice bumps", your heart beating "beeping", your feet sleeping "snoring", marshmallows "shmarshshmallows", Jesus "Jejus" and many other "Feisty-isms".

I love that you love being my "buddy". I love the times that you and I get to spend together in the mornings after the older kids go to school and the babies are sleeping. You talk a mile a minute and never run out of things to say.

I love that you have an imaginary "phone buddy" that you have full conversations with on the phone. I hope "Callie" calls you today and tells you "happy birthday".

I love your hugs. Your amazing, crushing, full-of-love hugs.

I love that you've learned to ride your bike and I love watching you riding your bike around our street with your neighborhood buddies.

I love your smile. You have one of the most beautiful smiles I have ever seen and it radiates your whole being.

I love hearing you sing in the back of the car when we are on the way somewhere. You have a beautiful little singing voice and I hope you always love to use it.

I love your zest for life. Your enthusiasm and your excitement can make even the most mundane things seem like the most amazing thing in the world!

I love all of the pictures you've been drawing lately. You are starting to take after your sister in the artistic talent department. I want you to know that I have saved every little picture, chicken scratching and doodle you have ever made.

I love that you have been planning this birthday and the activities for it since before Christmas. I hope it has been all you dreamed it would be (up until this point).

And while some of your little "OCD" tendencies can sometimes get on my nerves, or may not occur during the most convenient times, I love the fact that you know what you like and what you want and that you have the fierce determination to go after it. I hope you always have that fierce determination but that your sweet and kind heart will always be there to off-set that fierce determination. Those two characteristics will get you far in life.

I could write pages and pages on why I love you so much. What I have written to you today just barely scratches the surface because there is not a way to put onto paper what is in my heart for you.

I love, adore and cherish you my sweet little girl. And I couldn't be more proud of you. I am thankful everyday that I was lucky enough to give birth to you. So on your special day, I want to wish you the very best of birthdays. You are my big four year old girl and I hope you have a wonderful year!

Love with all of my heart,
Mommy

Awards Ceremony

Welcome to Mama's 1st Annual Award ceremony. All five of my children have recently achieved some pretty important things, therefore I decided they deserve to be recognized for their fabulous accomplishments. Please join me in congratulating them as well.

We will begin with......

ANAKIN

Anakin has had a little bit of a rough year this year in school. It can be hard to convince him to sit down after school and do his homework. However, as of the last few weeks, he has done his homework without being reminded and (for the most part) has been remembering to turn it in. Good job, Anakin, for your efforts in working harder in school. Your hardwork will pay off in the end!

Now, on to.....

CARE BEAR

Care Bear has had a real issue with stage fright in the past. Anytime there was a performance she was in, whether it be at church or at her pre-school, she would just stand there on the stage with a "deer in the headlights" look, regardless of all of the encouraging, hand-waving, and stupid looking faces I would throw her. However, this past Christmas, she was in our Church's children's Christmas program, and for the first time, she actually performed!! I was so excited and so proud. I wanted to do a "happy dance" right in the middle of the aisle. This past Tuesday, she had her "Kindergarten Showcase" at school. I was holding my breath until I saw her step on to the stage hoping that her Christmas performance wasn't just a fluke. And it was not. She sang her heart out and did all of the motions all the way through (with the exception of one song that she said she hated and proclaimed early on she would, under no uncertain circumstances sing that song.....and she held to her word...). So Care Bear is awarded for overcoming her "stage fright". I'm so proud of you, sweetie!

Next is, little miss.....

FEISTY

It's no secret that Feisty has had some issues surrounding the potty. And while she has not yet mastered the skill, she has improved greatly and I am very proud of her. She no longer even wants to wear training pants at night (however, mama overrides this....for now....)which is a good sign. While she is hesitant to go at first, once she does, she is sooo proud of herself and likes to show the world (or whomever happens to be around at the time)how good a "job" she actually did. Congratulations, sweetie, on getting the hang of going potty. Keep working on it and hopefully by fall, you'll have it mastered and can go to PRE-SCHOOL!!

On to the mini-twinnies.....First up.....

KATIE

As I've mentioned before, Miss Kate can be a little fuss budget. Afternoons seem to be rough for her. But lately (due to more sleep, I firmly believe), she is such a little "ray of sunshine" in the morning. This morning I woke up and heard some noise coming from her little bed. I was half waiting for a wail, or a scream, but I went over there and she was laying on her back, just looking around the room and gave me the most beautiful of baby smiles. What a great way to start the day. So, Katie is being awarded for her improved sleep patterns and that beautiful smile (which is much preferred over your snorts, miss Kate!)

And last, BUT DEFINITELY not least.....

EMMA BEMMA!

Emma Bemma has turned into my "champion sleeper". She has even surpassed her big sister, Feisty, a couple of nights this week. As a rule, she has been sleeping 8-8.5 hours straight a night lately. Not always, but more often than not. Her twin isn't doing quite as well yet, which is why Emma-Bemma is being awarded for her "superior sleeping skills". You are my hero Emma. Thanks for letting Mama sleep a little more. I love you, sweet pea!

And that's it....I think. Five awards. Five kids. And that is all there will ever be.

I love all of you and you make me oh, so proud!!

THEY DID IT AGAIN!!!