I'm putting this slide show back up at the top because awesome Pamela showed me where to go to get the song I wanted. I posted another post below this today, so read that, too. But enjoy the slide show WITH THE SONG! :-)
Showing posts with label Grandpa C. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Grandpa C. Show all posts
Oct 13, 2006
Oct 11, 2006
Long Absence
I don't believe I've gone this length of time without posting something since I started blogging back in February. But....I only usually blog at work, and having been out for a week and a half, it kind of limits my ability. Add to that a funeral, lots n lots of family in town, and yet another illness, and blogging definitely took a back seat.
Thank you so much to everyone for your kind words and prayers over the last couple of weeks as my grandpa entered the kingdom of Heaven. It's been a difficult two weeks and I'm having a hard time getting back in the "groove" of things at work after being gone for so long. I kind of feel like my life existed in a little circle of family and grieving and the outside world so much as disappeared.
But life goes on and I must move with it.
The slide show that I posted yesterday didn't quite turn out as I had envisioned. Shortly before my grandpa died, I decided that I wanted to do something special. At first, I decided that I wanted to do a slide show on my blog....like I did yesterday....with pictures of my grandpa. Then I expanded the idea to doing a DVD slide show presentation at the funeral. I spent time with my grandma and my aunt poring over about a dozen photo albums filled to the brim with pictures of my grandpa, his ancestors, all the way down to recent pictures of me and my family. I narrowed down the selection to about 50, and with the help of a wonderful couple at church, scanned the pictures and put them into a DVD presentation for the funeral which turned out so great. I am forever indebted to these people for letting me use their computer, their scanner, their expertise and their time in order to make my vision a reality for my grandpa and family. The slide show was put to music: the song was perfect. "Oh, How The Years Go By" by Amy Grant. I had envisioned having the pictures with the music in my slideshow for my blog, but after lots of time and copious amounts of frustration (and even a Napster purchase!!) over getting the pictures in the right order and finding the song to put with the slideshow, I gave up and what you see is what you got. Here are the lyrics to the song, and if you know it, you can just sing the song in your head along with the slide show. That's the best I can do for you because I GIVE UP!
Thank you so much to everyone for your kind words and prayers over the last couple of weeks as my grandpa entered the kingdom of Heaven. It's been a difficult two weeks and I'm having a hard time getting back in the "groove" of things at work after being gone for so long. I kind of feel like my life existed in a little circle of family and grieving and the outside world so much as disappeared.
But life goes on and I must move with it.
The slide show that I posted yesterday didn't quite turn out as I had envisioned. Shortly before my grandpa died, I decided that I wanted to do something special. At first, I decided that I wanted to do a slide show on my blog....like I did yesterday....with pictures of my grandpa. Then I expanded the idea to doing a DVD slide show presentation at the funeral. I spent time with my grandma and my aunt poring over about a dozen photo albums filled to the brim with pictures of my grandpa, his ancestors, all the way down to recent pictures of me and my family. I narrowed down the selection to about 50, and with the help of a wonderful couple at church, scanned the pictures and put them into a DVD presentation for the funeral which turned out so great. I am forever indebted to these people for letting me use their computer, their scanner, their expertise and their time in order to make my vision a reality for my grandpa and family. The slide show was put to music: the song was perfect. "Oh, How The Years Go By" by Amy Grant. I had envisioned having the pictures with the music in my slideshow for my blog, but after lots of time and copious amounts of frustration (and even a Napster purchase!!) over getting the pictures in the right order and finding the song to put with the slideshow, I gave up and what you see is what you got. Here are the lyrics to the song, and if you know it, you can just sing the song in your head along with the slide show. That's the best I can do for you because I GIVE UP!
Oh How The Years Go By
In our times of trouble
We only had ourselves
Nobody else
No one there to save us
We had to save ourselves
And when the storms came through
They found me and you
Back to back together
And when the sun would shine
It was yours and mine
Yours and mine forever
Chorus:
And oh how the years go by
And oh how the love brings tears to my eyes
All through the changes the soul never dies
We fight, we laugh, we cry
As the years go by
There were times we stumbled
They thought they had us down
But we came around
How we rolled and rambled
We got lost and we got found
Now we’re back on solid ground
We took everything
All our times would bring
In this world of dangers
’cause when your heart is strong
You know you’re not alone
In this world of strangers
(repeat chorus)
And if we lose our way
Any night or day
Well we’ll always be
Where we should be
I’m there for you
And I know you’re there for me
(repeat chorus twice)
As the years go by
In our times of trouble
We only had ourselves
Nobody else
No one there to save us
We had to save ourselves
And when the storms came through
They found me and you
Back to back together
And when the sun would shine
It was yours and mine
Yours and mine forever
Chorus:
And oh how the years go by
And oh how the love brings tears to my eyes
All through the changes the soul never dies
We fight, we laugh, we cry
As the years go by
There were times we stumbled
They thought they had us down
But we came around
How we rolled and rambled
We got lost and we got found
Now we’re back on solid ground
We took everything
All our times would bring
In this world of dangers
’cause when your heart is strong
You know you’re not alone
In this world of strangers
(repeat chorus)
And if we lose our way
Any night or day
Well we’ll always be
Where we should be
I’m there for you
And I know you’re there for me
(repeat chorus twice)
As the years go by
Trying to handle explaining death to my young children was a challenge; one that I hadn't really given much thought to until grandpa got really bad. Their ages are 8, 4, and 2. Obviously, their understanding of death is going to be different and the way to handle each case is going to be different. With Anakin, I basically just gently explained the truth: Grandpa's health is getting very bad, and he will probably be dying soon. He handled it very maturely; behaved very well at the funeral and asked questions when he had them. With Care Bear and Feisty, I explained that Grandpa will (and did) be going to Heaven soon to be with Jesus. Feisty was too young to comprehend any of this, but Care Bear's response was, "When he feels better, will he come back and see us?" Aye, aye, aye....I'm just not so great at this. At my mom's last week, she wrote Grandpa a card and told my Mom that this is what it said: "Dear Grandpa, I love you and I will miss you when you are at Jesus." ...... Let me just give you a moment to go get your hanky.....
They are doing alright. Occasional act-ups and temper tantrums that are occuring make me wonder if this is them responding to his death out of inability to express their grief in other ways, or if they are just being brats. My vote is the former; I hate to think of my kids as brats.
And I will leave you today with a drawing done by Care Bear this morning. It is a turtle and her baby. I assumed it was Crush and his baby from "Finding Nemo" but mom says she identified them only as "mommy turtle" and "baby turtle". Care Bear has turned into quite an artist. She doesn't get it from Mama! That is for sure!!
Sep 27, 2006
The words continue to echo in my head; over and over and over like a reverberating drum: "His kidneys have failed. It won't be long now." The words spoken to me by my mom last night didn't hit me at first. For a few days now, my Grandpa's health has been declining very rapidly. I spoke about him back in June when he was first moved into the nursing home. But Grandpa keeps hanging on. His penchant for being stubborn has served him well. So when I started hearing news again over the last few days about Grandpa going down hill fast, it was hard to believe. For years now, my grandpa has given us scare after scare after scare, but somehow always bounces back. So, despite his 93 years, I somehow in my mind keep believing that he is going to get better; he's going to live forever.
This time he's not. The words still keep ringing in my head.
I went to visit my grandpa last night. The grandpa I saw laying in his nursing home bed last night was not the grandpa I've always known. His eyes were closed; his mouth hung open; his breathing was shallow. His normally clean-shaven face had the hint of a five o'clock shadow. My aunt was there when I arrived, putting chap-stick on his dry lips. She had just gotten done feeding him a tiny bowl of ice cream; the only thing he had eaten all day. He can't eat anymore. he can't drink anymore. Water is given to him in tiny amounts through a straw, and the image of my aunt giving him water was like that of a mother bird feeding her baby birds.
I talked to Grandpa. I held Grandpa's hand. I rubbed Grandpa's head and I told Grandpa I loved him. I didn't think Grandpa would know I was there; I didn't know he was aware. But when I told him I loved him, a small, weak response came from him completely unresembling the strong and sometimes brash voice that I had always known: "I....love....you." Recognition. Response. He knew I was there; he knows that I love him. "I love you"s are not common with my Grandpa. But he told me he loved me; and I will take that with me when he goes. And he will take with him the knowledge that I was there.
This will be the 1st grandparent I will lose. I'm feeling sad today; I'm feeling a little numb. Life is going on around me as normal and I feel like I'm in a bubble. I worry about my grandma when he's gone; I worry about my Dad. I am not, however, worried about Grandpa. He will be in Heaven soon dancing at Jesus' feet and singing with the angels; this is what he dedicated his entire life to; being with Jesus someday. He's almost there.
I love you, Grandpa. We who are left here on earth will miss you greatly, but I know you will be happy in Heaven. You've had a long, fulfilling and wonderful life. Go in peace.
This time he's not. The words still keep ringing in my head.
I went to visit my grandpa last night. The grandpa I saw laying in his nursing home bed last night was not the grandpa I've always known. His eyes were closed; his mouth hung open; his breathing was shallow. His normally clean-shaven face had the hint of a five o'clock shadow. My aunt was there when I arrived, putting chap-stick on his dry lips. She had just gotten done feeding him a tiny bowl of ice cream; the only thing he had eaten all day. He can't eat anymore. he can't drink anymore. Water is given to him in tiny amounts through a straw, and the image of my aunt giving him water was like that of a mother bird feeding her baby birds.
I talked to Grandpa. I held Grandpa's hand. I rubbed Grandpa's head and I told Grandpa I loved him. I didn't think Grandpa would know I was there; I didn't know he was aware. But when I told him I loved him, a small, weak response came from him completely unresembling the strong and sometimes brash voice that I had always known: "I....love....you." Recognition. Response. He knew I was there; he knows that I love him. "I love you"s are not common with my Grandpa. But he told me he loved me; and I will take that with me when he goes. And he will take with him the knowledge that I was there.
This will be the 1st grandparent I will lose. I'm feeling sad today; I'm feeling a little numb. Life is going on around me as normal and I feel like I'm in a bubble. I worry about my grandma when he's gone; I worry about my Dad. I am not, however, worried about Grandpa. He will be in Heaven soon dancing at Jesus' feet and singing with the angels; this is what he dedicated his entire life to; being with Jesus someday. He's almost there.
I love you, Grandpa. We who are left here on earth will miss you greatly, but I know you will be happy in Heaven. You've had a long, fulfilling and wonderful life. Go in peace.
Jun 30, 2006
Fear Of Loss
I have not had to deal with a lot of loss in my 31 years (in terms of people I love dying). My great-grandma died when I was about 9 years old, and I lost my 18 year old cousin about 7 or 8 years ago when he fell asleep on the highway driving to go visit his girlfriend in Kansas. Both of these losses were devastating to me in their own right. My great-grandma was my best buddy, and to lose a cousin at such a young age in such a tragic way was awful, to say the least. But to my recollection, in my 31 years, those are the only losses I have experienced. That's really not too bad.
I am lucky enough to still have all four grandparents among the living. And I am doubly lucky that all four grandparents live within a 5 mile radius of me. And my children are unbelievably lucky to have the opportunity to get to know all four of their great grand-parents. If I could have been so lucky.
Every now and then, realizing that my grandparents are getting older, a little thought creeps into my head, "How am I going to handle losing my first grandparent?", but then I dismiss the thought, not wishing to think of such things, and not really worrying too much about it because at that particular moment, it still feels like that will be a ways down the road.
The thought of losing a loved one always terrifies me. I don't like to think about it, and I don't like to face that it is a reality and will happen one of these days. Whenever anyone I love boards a plane, I always have this little nagging feeling inside of me worrying about their safety until I find out that they have, in fact, landed and are safe on solid ground.
My fear of loss suddenly took a flying leap right into my face yesterday evening:
My father's parents (we'll call them grandma and grandpa C) have lived in my town for as long as I can remember. For most of my life, they lived a mere six blocks from me. I would ride my bike over there whenever the desire hit me to see my grandparents. I would stay there for several days and nights at a time if I felt like it. My grandparents were always ready and willing to have me as their guest. When I would spend the night at their house, I remember waking up to the smell of toast and coffee and seeing my grandparents sitting at the table eating their breakfast with the early morning sunlight shining in on the table. My brother and I would sit their eating breakfast with them and then would participate in their early morning devotions, and then not so patiently listen to my grandpa do his post-devotion prayer. To young children, his prayer seemed endless, but he had to include in his prayer every single relative, every single missionary, and every single world leader in existence. Suffice it to say, my grandpa C was a champion pray-er!
My grandma C and I did a lot of home-making type stuff together. To say that she is the epitome of the perfect grandma is an understatement. She is an amazing grandma. We baked cookies together, we made projects together, every Christmas she would have me come over and prepare home made gifts for people. She used to have a very old fashioned washing machine that she would set up in her kitchen and I loved to help her with it because it was so fascinating to me. It made the modern and conventional method of washing clothes seem so boring! She would wash the clothes in a big tin bucket and then turn on the machine and push the clothes through the ringers to squeeze away excess water. The clothes came out of the ringers looking all stiff and then we would go hang them up on the clothes line out to dry. It was a fascinating thing to me.
My grandpa C has always been a rough kind of guy. He was never overly affectionate to the grand-kids and if we dare not eat everything on our plate we were met with a stern stare and an exclamation of, "You eat everything on that plate!" Grandma C, the loving one would return, "Oh, grandpa....". Over the years, grandpa C has softened quite a bit. He has become more generous with his hugs and isn't quite as "rough" as he used to be. My grandpa is 92 years old. He is a retired pastor of the covenant church and has always been an amazing example of a strong, Christian man.
My grandpa's health has been failing greatly over the last year. A few years ago, my grandparents moved into a retirement facility that works in stages. They started out in an apartment when they first moved in. It's a fully functional apartment with kitchen and everything. A few months ago they had to move into assisted living due to my grandfather's continued health problems, his tendency to fall and his inability to control other things. My grandma was having difficulty helping him anymore. My grandma has had a real hard time adjusting to the assisted living aspect because she no longer has a kitchen to cook in, it is a much smaller space and her very identity (that of a home-maker) has literally been taken out from under her.
Last night, I found out that my grandpa had to take the final step: he was moved into the nursing home. When I heard this, it felt like a punch in my stomach. The fear of loss that used to creep in every now and then as a "someday I might lose someone I love" thought had all of a sudden smacked me in the face as a "losing my first grandparent could be here very soon" realization.
I'm 31 years old. I knew that I wouldn't go through my entire life with everyone I love always being there. But losing someone always seemed like such a far-off thing. I don't know how I'll react when my grandpa goes. I don't know what my grandma will do when he's gone. I worry about my Dad when my grandpa goes. He's 64 and still has both of his parents!
My fear of loss is very real right now, and I don't like the feeling. It's a nagging presence in the back of my head and it won't go away.
I can at least be comforted in the knowledge that when he does go, when any of my grandparents go, I know that they will all be in Heaven singing with the angels and walking the streets of gold with their Heavenly father, and one day I will see them again.
I've been truly blessed with the best grandparents (on both sides) I could have ever asked for, which is why the fear of loss is so great for me; I won't have them here on earth to enjoy any longer.
I am lucky enough to still have all four grandparents among the living. And I am doubly lucky that all four grandparents live within a 5 mile radius of me. And my children are unbelievably lucky to have the opportunity to get to know all four of their great grand-parents. If I could have been so lucky.
Every now and then, realizing that my grandparents are getting older, a little thought creeps into my head, "How am I going to handle losing my first grandparent?", but then I dismiss the thought, not wishing to think of such things, and not really worrying too much about it because at that particular moment, it still feels like that will be a ways down the road.
The thought of losing a loved one always terrifies me. I don't like to think about it, and I don't like to face that it is a reality and will happen one of these days. Whenever anyone I love boards a plane, I always have this little nagging feeling inside of me worrying about their safety until I find out that they have, in fact, landed and are safe on solid ground.
My fear of loss suddenly took a flying leap right into my face yesterday evening:
My father's parents (we'll call them grandma and grandpa C) have lived in my town for as long as I can remember. For most of my life, they lived a mere six blocks from me. I would ride my bike over there whenever the desire hit me to see my grandparents. I would stay there for several days and nights at a time if I felt like it. My grandparents were always ready and willing to have me as their guest. When I would spend the night at their house, I remember waking up to the smell of toast and coffee and seeing my grandparents sitting at the table eating their breakfast with the early morning sunlight shining in on the table. My brother and I would sit their eating breakfast with them and then would participate in their early morning devotions, and then not so patiently listen to my grandpa do his post-devotion prayer. To young children, his prayer seemed endless, but he had to include in his prayer every single relative, every single missionary, and every single world leader in existence. Suffice it to say, my grandpa C was a champion pray-er!
My grandma C and I did a lot of home-making type stuff together. To say that she is the epitome of the perfect grandma is an understatement. She is an amazing grandma. We baked cookies together, we made projects together, every Christmas she would have me come over and prepare home made gifts for people. She used to have a very old fashioned washing machine that she would set up in her kitchen and I loved to help her with it because it was so fascinating to me. It made the modern and conventional method of washing clothes seem so boring! She would wash the clothes in a big tin bucket and then turn on the machine and push the clothes through the ringers to squeeze away excess water. The clothes came out of the ringers looking all stiff and then we would go hang them up on the clothes line out to dry. It was a fascinating thing to me.
My grandpa C has always been a rough kind of guy. He was never overly affectionate to the grand-kids and if we dare not eat everything on our plate we were met with a stern stare and an exclamation of, "You eat everything on that plate!" Grandma C, the loving one would return, "Oh, grandpa....". Over the years, grandpa C has softened quite a bit. He has become more generous with his hugs and isn't quite as "rough" as he used to be. My grandpa is 92 years old. He is a retired pastor of the covenant church and has always been an amazing example of a strong, Christian man.
My grandpa's health has been failing greatly over the last year. A few years ago, my grandparents moved into a retirement facility that works in stages. They started out in an apartment when they first moved in. It's a fully functional apartment with kitchen and everything. A few months ago they had to move into assisted living due to my grandfather's continued health problems, his tendency to fall and his inability to control other things. My grandma was having difficulty helping him anymore. My grandma has had a real hard time adjusting to the assisted living aspect because she no longer has a kitchen to cook in, it is a much smaller space and her very identity (that of a home-maker) has literally been taken out from under her.
Last night, I found out that my grandpa had to take the final step: he was moved into the nursing home. When I heard this, it felt like a punch in my stomach. The fear of loss that used to creep in every now and then as a "someday I might lose someone I love" thought had all of a sudden smacked me in the face as a "losing my first grandparent could be here very soon" realization.
I'm 31 years old. I knew that I wouldn't go through my entire life with everyone I love always being there. But losing someone always seemed like such a far-off thing. I don't know how I'll react when my grandpa goes. I don't know what my grandma will do when he's gone. I worry about my Dad when my grandpa goes. He's 64 and still has both of his parents!
My fear of loss is very real right now, and I don't like the feeling. It's a nagging presence in the back of my head and it won't go away.
I can at least be comforted in the knowledge that when he does go, when any of my grandparents go, I know that they will all be in Heaven singing with the angels and walking the streets of gold with their Heavenly father, and one day I will see them again.
I've been truly blessed with the best grandparents (on both sides) I could have ever asked for, which is why the fear of loss is so great for me; I won't have them here on earth to enjoy any longer.
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