The words continue to echo in my head; over and over and over like a reverberating drum: "His kidneys have failed. It won't be long now." The words spoken to me by my mom last night didn't hit me at first. For a few days now, my Grandpa's health has been declining very rapidly. I spoke about him back in June when he was first moved into the nursing home. But Grandpa keeps hanging on. His penchant for being stubborn has served him well. So when I started hearing news again over the last few days about Grandpa going down hill fast, it was hard to believe. For years now, my grandpa has given us scare after scare after scare, but somehow always bounces back. So, despite his 93 years, I somehow in my mind keep believing that he is going to get better; he's going to live forever.

This time he's not. The words still keep ringing in my head.

I went to visit my grandpa last night. The grandpa I saw laying in his nursing home bed last night was not the grandpa I've always known. His eyes were closed; his mouth hung open; his breathing was shallow. His normally clean-shaven face had the hint of a five o'clock shadow. My aunt was there when I arrived, putting chap-stick on his dry lips. She had just gotten done feeding him a tiny bowl of ice cream; the only thing he had eaten all day. He can't eat anymore. he can't drink anymore. Water is given to him in tiny amounts through a straw, and the image of my aunt giving him water was like that of a mother bird feeding her baby birds.

I talked to Grandpa. I held Grandpa's hand. I rubbed Grandpa's head and I told Grandpa I loved him. I didn't think Grandpa would know I was there; I didn't know he was aware. But when I told him I loved him, a small, weak response came from him completely unresembling the strong and sometimes brash voice that I had always known: "I....love....you." Recognition. Response. He knew I was there; he knows that I love him. "I love you"s are not common with my Grandpa. But he told me he loved me; and I will take that with me when he goes. And he will take with him the knowledge that I was there.

This will be the 1st grandparent I will lose. I'm feeling sad today; I'm feeling a little numb. Life is going on around me as normal and I feel like I'm in a bubble. I worry about my grandma when he's gone; I worry about my Dad. I am not, however, worried about Grandpa. He will be in Heaven soon dancing at Jesus' feet and singing with the angels; this is what he dedicated his entire life to; being with Jesus someday. He's almost there.

I love you, Grandpa. We who are left here on earth will miss you greatly, but I know you will be happy in Heaven. You've had a long, fulfilling and wonderful life. Go in peace.