In a word (or three....) I am stressed. I told my mom today that a certain person in my life would call my stress "karma" for what I have put him through in the past few months (albeit greatly deserved).
Gone are the fantasy filled days of the summer; lounging in the pool, doing whatever I wanted with the girls, and thoroughly enjoying the freedom I had so longed for for so long. Gone are the pretty nails that I loved so much (even though it was impossible to do anything with them like, say, button a 4 year olds' shirt....besides, who can afford to keep 'em up anyway). It is now rare that I wear make-up (who has the time) or make my hair pretty (again....the time issue). But my very kind mother told me the other day (on a particularly gross feeling day) that even on my worst days now, I look better than I did a few months ago on my best day. MAN, I must have really looked like poop in the "old days". Little did I know..... And get this.....I have gained almost 10 lbs in the past 5 months. For most people, that would be a crisis. For this former skin n' bones? Not so much a bad thing. I can now wear my jeans and only put the belt on the 3rd hole instead of the 4th! That's an accomplishment people! (And my low weight?? Nothing to do with another situation I battled years ago......these days, I love to eat. A little thing called stress made it impossible. Some people over eat under stress....I can't eat under stress.) I knew the "romance" of it wouldn't last forever. Or maybe I didn't know it. Maybe I thought my life was going to be a bed of roses from here on out. WRONG! Take it from me; if you are ever in a position like mine (which I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy, just so y'know...), don't get too cocky or excited when things take the appearance of going your way. Cuz inevitably one, or two, or maybe three (for good measure) shoes will start to drop....from everywhere.
"Why such a negative attitude tonight, Kristen", you may ask. Hmph. Because I have had the day (or two or three.....for good measure) from H....E.....double hockey sticks. (That's hell, just in case you missed it.)
Feisty is once again (if she ever wasn't) suffering from UTIs. Her pediatrician (who she was rarely able to see throughout her struggles over the past year and a half) finally referred us to a pediatric urologist and offered me multiple suggestions on how to conquer the constipation/potty training/UTI problem(s). The bad part for Feisty??? Since no one else up until this point has bothered to offer these suggestions, my poor little four year old girl (who has been to the doctor more than any four year old should ever have to) has to once again endure uncomfortable and not fun tests that she just took a year ago which came back negative to any genetic problems causing these problems. This could have all been avoided had these little nuggets of advice had been given to me long ago. Or maybe not. I have also been referred to a psychologist for her for other possible reasons for her problems that I can not even begin to fathom and which I will not go into in this forum. If you are a praying person, please pray for my precious little girl.....
I am on multiple benefits from the government right now. Yes, I will put it out there.....I am POOR. Dirt POOR. So I am (supposed to be) getting certain benefits that are crucial in keeping my family alive. (Just a minor thing....). I know the feelings that surround people who are on welfare. But believe me, I am not one of those people who just keeps poppin' out kids and refuses to get a job just so I can continue to live off the government. (Don't let those four little gems of mine fool you......I am DONE. No more kid poppin' for me!) The problem??? The #$%@@ government apparently doesn't know how to do their job and are under the hugely mistaken impression that I am enjoying receiving their benefits and are in no huge hurry to make sure I get those. Cuz you know....I really love being poor and I really have a suga daddy out there that is supporting me and I am just mooching off the government for no real reason. Anyhooooo.....I was supposed to receive some of those benefits three days ago. They haven't shown up yet. I inquired today as to why. "Oh", says the highly helpful clerk at the office. "It looks like you haven't turned in something that you were supposed to." Right now, let me give you a visual. Have you ever seen a cartoon in which a character in the cartoon gets so mad that the top of their head literally comes off and it looks like a volcano is erupting from it? Well, if I were a cartoon, that would've been me today. But I maintained. Barely. "I turned those documents in almost a month ago.....by the deadline." Upon more searching, the highly helpful clerk discovered that, "Oops....our bad....the office in the town up north just received your file yesterday. So, I can set up an appointment with a clerk for you or you can call the call center and see if they can get moving on your file ASAP." At that point in time, I had to quickly walk out of that office and use every amount of restraint I had to keep from running through the halls of that office and screaming what I really thought of them. But I didn't. Aren't you proud of me? I declined the appointment. Been there.....done that. And the call center??? Yeah. Three calls in the past week that have resulted in 30+ minute waits each time. I guess us poor people are just not important enough to be waited on or helped in an expedient manner. Dude....tell you what......when I become President....................................
Next....on to the Social Security Administration (which, in my $%($# town is only open one day a week) to find out what is going on with the social security cards for me and the girls (which were stolen quite some time ago which I ordered quite some time ago). I walk in, birth certificates in hand (which by the way cost $88 to get because a person who shall remain nameless decided to take the certificates with him when he/she/it moved out), ID in hand, only to be told that, "Oh, I'm sorry. But we need some form of ID for the kids, such as insurance cards (Medicaid doesn't suffice because it doesn't have their birth dates on them) or immunization records showing their birth dates on them. (Cue the head exploding volcano again.....). UMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM......what more official form if ID could you possibly need besides a birth certificate which not only proves their date of birth, but their time of birth and the parents' names?!?!?! Again, I somehow maintained my composure and somehow walked calmly out of that office. I don't know how I did it. Divine intervention.
All of this was going on this morning while I was supposed to be studying for a major exam for Mr. Professor, Lawyer Sir (see previous post) which is due Monday, which I am not going to get done because my lifeline (i.e. MY MOM) is going to be leaving Friday morning for 10 days, and I am lucky enough to get to attend a class all evening Friday and all day Saturday which will leave me no time for studying. Oh, and incidentally.....that albatross of an assignment I told you about?!?! I got a B!!!!! The man not only took away any form of life I have (and continues to do so) but he had the absolute audacity to give me a B and tarnish my (thus far) straight A record.
WOW! That felt realllllll good!! Oh, and I almost forgot one itty bitty little thing. The person(s) who convinced me to make a major life change recently and promised to support me in that major life change are suddenly having a change of heart. Cool, huh? Not a smart move when you're dealing with someone studying law. This situation screams "breach of contract" all over it!!! Watch out! I am in a mood!!!!!
Now, I think I will go brush my (almost non-existent) teeth and go to bed. Mr. Lawyer Professor Sirs test will just have to wait until tomorrow. I've spent too much time with him today!! Maybe next time you hear from me I will be the happy, perky Kristen once again. Ha.
18 comments:
I am so glad you were able to get this off your chest before you literally exploded! What a terrible day we all had - there's really something terribly wrong in River City that all of these things could go so wrong in one day!
So sorry we scheduled this vacation so many months ago. Does Mr. Professor Lawyer Sir know that this trip to the big city is because of your course of study??? I forgot about that. Seriously, what are you going to do??
Okay, my head is spinning from everything you just wrote about! Just take one day at a time while your mother is gone. Hang in there!
I hope Feisty gets better again soon. Hopefully someone will be able to figure out why she is having so many UTIs. Poor thing!
Kristen, I am praying for you all! Especially Feisty with her medical issues. You are a very strong young woman and have been through a lot! You will prevail. You will be o.k.! I know those government offices are so frustrating. I know you'll do fine on that test!
Oh Kristen, I know it is more than difficult right now. I won't give you the usual platitudes. I know that you know all of the things I would say. Just know you are cared for and loved and prayed for.
Love you Kristen- you do look great- (from the pictures on your moms blog) and your too!!
Praying for you.
Oh boy. A bit of stress, huh??
School is most definitely stressful--hang in there! I've taken classes where the amount of work required just seemed inhuman. It's awful, you hate it the whole time, but at the end of the class when you realize that you actually did it? It feels really good. I promise! Just take it one small step at a time. (And definitely figure out where you can cut corners! That's the secret!) But you'll get through it and when you do, you're going to feel so proud of yourself!
I'm so sorry about your sweet girl's health issues. I'll definitely be praying for her.
Take it easy, Kristen. You definitely have a huge amount on your plate right now. Know that people out there are praying for you. I certainly am!
Not that you need any advice from your blogging friends BUT seriously when I was clenching my teeth due to some stress issues I went to my dentist and he gave me a mouth guard to wear at night. It helped so much and my jaw didn't hurt in the morning. I guess you can get them right at the pharmacy too. You do look good Kristen! I was noticing in some pics on your Mom's blog how good you are looking girl!
I wasn't able to get on your blog last week for some unknown reason but tried tonight and got right on. Blogger can have a mind of its own.
I hope you get some answers concerning Feisty's medical issues. Not fun for anyone but especially a child!
Take care of yourself, you are a smart woman and you WILL get through this!!
Kristen, I am adding my voice to all the rest - saying that you WILL get through this. I am so impressed with your spirit, and tenacity. I am also TOTALLY with you when it comes to dealing with the many idiots who populate the govt offices, no matter which country you live in. I have failed to grit my teeth more than once, and have been less than delightful to chat to. Thankfully, my command of English is better than those on the phone, so I don't think they actually understood what I was saying. Sigh.
Hang in there. You will flourish. And the photo of you and your girls on your Mum's blog is absolutely beautiful. There is your reason for plodding on right there.
MY head feels like it's going to explode after reading this, Kristen. Feisty's UTI's, dealing with the government, law school exams....oh my. I understand.
But you know, all of this is because you've made some major decisions about your life and you're heading in the right direction now.
This will make you gag, but some day all of this will be behind you and it will have been worth it.
Congratulations on the ten pounds. And I did the same thing with the nails. I had acrylic nails (beautiful) for years. Then I sat down and figured out what it cost me to maintain them for one year. Good grief. Now I have my nice broken off, nubby nails, but hey, they're FREE!
I am so glad that you were able to get this off your chest. I know that it doesn't solve anything, but being able to vent is a good start. You WILL get through this if you take it one step at a time. You have tremendous love and support through your parents and just look where you've been and how far you climbed.
Prayers for dear Feisty. I hope they can get to the root of it all and have her on the road to a healthy situation.
Hang in there, Kristen. We are all here to listen to you.
wow. I'd say you look great as well. Would love to see you and enjoy a nice Chipotle meal, accompanied with a nice huge Sonic Vanilla Diet DP. (we have neither here:)). Thinking of you.
Good grief, what a mess! I know it has to be overwhelming at times, bless your heart.
Poor Feisty, dealing with all her health issues. Hoping and praying that the new urologist will finally get you some much needed advice and help.
Hope the next week will bring some better days.
Love and hugs,
Diane
I am so sorry that you have been faced with trial after trial. I have never met you and I haven't been a reader too long, but if I was anywhere near you, I'd be over in a heartbeat to help with anything I could. I'd watch the kids, cook, clean, ANYTHING! If there is anything I can do from afar, let me know.
As for Fiesty, I really hope things get figured out and she gets better. My Izzy has had at least two that we know of since she became potty trained. I have a history of UTI's and severe kidney infections, but still. I make her drink 2 cups of cran-apple juice everyday, not bubble baths, and I wipe her. She can do it but it makes me feel better to know that I am at least eliminating more of the bacteria than she is. She also knows the whole front to back song that I make her sing when I do wipe her. We are making every effort we can to keep the UTI's at bay.
I hope she gets better and comes around into Potty Training. It takes time and with all of the activity going on in your world it just may take a little longer.
Hi Kristen,
You're carrying enough stress for 10 people and I'm sure you don't need to hear that you'll get through this one way or another, but you will.
Just know that venting is good for you and that you have many friends who care and are praying for you and your precious girls.
xo
Kristen, I posted a comment about this post under your previous entry...sorry!
Kristen, I know you do not remember me at all as I think I only met you once when I was living there but please know that I am praying for you. No need to reiterate all that has already been said, but you are truly an inspiration. There is no one who could deal with all that you are and not be stressed, but just by virtue of the fact that you have not curled up into a ball, or even actually had your head explode like that cartoon volcano head, says so much about you. Strong, or more than likely stubborn woudl be my guess, but it is a trait that is serving you well at this time in your life. In the midst of the trials and tribulation you have so much to be thankful for in your beautiful girls, the supports of your parents and the tenacious spirit you possess to get through it all. Thank you for allowing your mom to link here so that I could let you know that you and the girls are being lifted in prayer.
I met your mom in person today and what a blessing it was. She is such a delightful person and I feel so fortunate to have her for a blogging friend. Your dad has such a great sense of humor, just like you!
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