The Depths of Despair

Have you ever read the "Anne of Green Gables" series? If so, you will remember that Anne was a very passionate and emotional young lady. Where a "typical" person might say, "Wow, I'm a little sad today", Anne would moan, "I am in the depths of despair!"

I am most definitely in the depths of despair today.

Every year on January 1, I wonder to myself what the year ahead is going to bring me. And of course, my wish is always that it will be better and smoother than the year that has just passed. If I had known on January 1, 2007 what this year was going to bring me, I may just have crawled into bed, taken a years worth of NyQuil and buried my head for the entire year.

My livelihood and very possibly my likelihood disappeared yesterday in a moment of chaos and arms that were too full.

Feisty and I had stopped by Little Caesar's Pizza yesterday after church to pick up a little something for lunch. I walked out of the restaurant holding two pizzas, a bag of crazy bread and sauce, a two-liter of pop and Feisty's hand. When we got to the car, I set the food and my purse on top of the car to get Feisty in. For some weird, compulsive reason, Feisty decided that she wanted the car seats switched around in the car. I was frustrated a little by this, but knowing my daughter the way I do, I knew that we would not be on our way until this was done. So a little flustered and with the car seat switching done, I grabbed the pizzas, crazy bread and sauce and pop and threw them in the back of the car. And apparently.....left the purse on top of the car. At least that is the only thing I can figure out.

It wasn't until four hours later when I went to fetch my purse and get a few bucks out that I realized that my purse wasn't where it typically is. No biggie. I looked in the various other spots it sometimes gets thrown. I looked in the backyard which is where I went with the pizzas after I got home. Wasn't there. I began to panic and looked in my car to see if was there because maybe I had left it in there while trying to juggle all of that food out of the car. It wasn't in there. I tried to think back to when I was at Little Caesar's and recall if I had it on my shoulder when I left the restaurant and I remembered I did have it then. Then I remembered the car-seat switching debacle....and could not for the life of me recall if I had thrown the purse in the car after I had thrown the pizzas in the car. Usually I can replay moments of my life back in my head pretty well and remember little details about things; with this I could not, which I took as a very bad sign. That and the fact that my 20 lb, very large purse was nowhere to be found.

By this time I was in full panic mode. The kids were at the park with my Dad so Mike and I took off to re-visit the scene of the stupidity hoping by hope that someone had found it in the parking lot or on the street and possibly (improbably) turned it into either the 7-11, the tattoo shop, or the "drug paraphernalia" shop located in the strip mall. Based on the various types of shops in the strip mall, and the neighborhood in which this Little Caesar's is located, I didn't hold out much hope.

All the way there, we kept our eyes peeled on the side of the road for any sign of my purse, or perhaps the contents of the purse. When we got to the strip mall, we split up and went to the different shops, with no luck. The clerk at the 7-11 went so far as to say, "Well, I'd check the other stores down the way, but keep in mind where we are located." Yeah. That right there took away any last shred of hope I had.

We finally went back home, totally defeated and I called the police department in a last ditch attempt to find out if someone had a heart and turned it into them. Again, no such luck. However, they did get all sorts of details from me about the purse, what was in the purse, when I lost the purse, where I lost the purse, phone numbers, address, etc.....

I still don't hold out much hope. I'm sure it's long gone. Along with everything in it:

**My money for the rest of the month (all money)
**Mine and the girls' social security cards
**Health insurance cards
**Car insurance cards
**Vehicle registration
**Drivers license
**The girls' drawings and artwork from Sunday School that day

and on and on and on.

I feel very insecure and very concerned that someone is out there as we speak in the process of stealing mine, or my daughters' identity. And spending the rest of my paycheck.

Isn't it amazing how ones identity can be so wrapped up in a few pieces of paper and plastic? And how when those pieces of paper and plastic go missing, it can throw one into the depths of despair?

I don't know what I'm going to do. Yet another episode in the soap opera that is my life. If I were you, I'd go watch "Days of Our Lives" or "All My Children" instead.