(NOTE: My Wordless Wednesday is below this post. Check it out, too!)
I'm not doing a "Works for Me Wednesday" this week because, well, I couldn't think of anything for this week, and I really need some advice about something. Good, honest, no holds barred advice about the future of my schooling.
As most of you know, I recently decided to go back to school and took my first class (an online one) this summer. I really, thoroughly enjoyed it and have no doubt that this is the path I want to take. This fall (which starts in a mere two weeks) I am also planning on taking a class. This one is in an actual classroom, and I arranged it to where I could take the class to not interfere with my work schedule so I wouldn't have to go through the unbelievable pain of trying to figure out when to make up work time. But this is where the problem lies: While the class does not interfere with my paying job, it seriously interferes with my time with my children. The class is on Tuesday and Thursday mornings from 8:00 a.m. to 10:50 a.m. Almost 3 hours. My current work schedule is Tuesday afternoons, all day Wednesday and all day Friday. Care Bear goes to pre-school this year on Monday, Tuesday and Thursday afternoons. So, here is what my schedule would look like this coming semester.
MONDAY: My day off. No class. Care Bear has preschool from 12:30-3:00. I would see her in the morning and see Feisty all day. (Anakin is in school all day every day).
TUESDAY: Class in the a.m. for me (3 hours). I would reach home approximately 11:15 and have to turn around and go back to work at noon. Care Bear has pre-school in the p.m. Tuesday evening I have praise band practice. Essentially on Tuesdays, I would see my children for a mere half hour the entire day until 9:00 p.m. (at which time they would be going to bed).
WEDNESDAY: My full day at work. Don't see kids all day until 5:00 p.m.
THURSDAY: My day off, however have class in the morning for 3 hours. Arrive home at approximately 11:15 and have to take Care Bear to preschool at 12:30. Would not see Care Bear most of the day (until 3:00 when she gets off pre-school) but would see Feisty in the afternoon.
FRIDAY: Work all day. Don't see kids until 5:00 p.m.
Essentially, I would see Care Bear on Monday mornings all week and that is it. I'd see Feisty a little more, but not the amount of time I see her now.
It has been years and years since I graduated from high school. Life circumstances have distracted me from attending school for years. I finally decide to go back, get started, get excited, but now I am realizing that (at least this semester) I will be sacrificing major amounts of time with my children to take ONE CLASS. Considering Care Bear will be going to Kindergarten next year and time with them is absolutely flying by, I don't know if I'm willing to give up that much time with them when before I know it they will all be in school and I'll wish I had this time back.
In addition to that, I don't even yet know who would watch them on Thursdays. I have someone for Tuesday, but the person I was hoping could watch them on Thursday can't do it. So if I'm going to do this, I have a very short amount of time in which to find a Thursday sitter.
So, what do you all think? Honestly. For real. Will I ever actually go back if I once again "drop out"? Will I ever get my "real career" going before I'm 40 if I keep delaying? But do I really want to miss these precious years with my kids? Your opinions please. I appreciate it mucho!!
14 comments:
Kristen, it sort of sounds like you know what you want or need to do, it's just uncertainty over trusting your decision.
Trust yourself and the direction you feel God is leading you. If you're in His will He'll work the rest of it to fall into place too.
I know that sounds like a "pat answer" but I've found it to be true in big and small decisions.
I think you're doing some good thinking! I think the stress level that all of this would add is not worth the positives. Just my humble opinion! Ask God for His guidance - I think he might be guilding you already! You know I want you to reach your goal, but not as such a high price.
Perhaps continue schooling after both girls are in school. You're still young.
I think it comes down to where your priorities are right at this moment in your life. Just because you don't finish college now, doesn't mean you can't go back later. But then again, if your desire to go back to school is strong, you can make it work and your children are so young, it probably won't impact them terribly. Kids are resilient. Especially the ages yours are. They really won't remember much from this time of life and if you make the time you have with them really count, then you are meeting their needs and yours at the same time!
PRAY PRAY PRAY! God will give you wisdom!
That really is a hard decision. I'm in the same boat right now, except I don't work yet. I will be soon as I get this so called working papers for Canada. I might put it off, or try to find an alternative class, something distance or online. I'm sure that doesn't help though!
Love the pictures! My input-school will AlWAYS be there for you- and you are YOUNG. I say be Mommy as much as you can-if you quit school now you are NOT failing and you are putting your role as mother first. I think that is most important! I am glad you are considering these decisions so thoroughly.
Gosh what a tough one. Balancing it all is hard work. We can't do it all. With the kids, I believe it is the quality not the quantity of time you spend with them. It must aso be a decision that you feel comfortable with. Your kids will be happy as long as Mommy is happy. Like Karen said, trust yourself and God. Hope this helps!
If you really want it, you'll go back when the time is right. You came back once and you can do it again in a year or two.
Everything you've written sounds like you already know what you feel right about doing and that's what matters.
This time with your little ones is precious. Wait until they are in school to take your classes.
I'm praying for God's wisdom and clarity and peace for you!
Kristen,
As I read your post--I revisited my own dilemma! As you know, I just graduated from college in May of 2005. I was 50 years old! I tell you this only to suggest that YOU ARE NEVER TOO OLD TO FINISH YOUR DREAM!
I, too, started school before my children were in school full-time. Then I quit. I started again, and quit again. The reasons I quit were similar to yours--that is not to say you should quit. I will pray for you as you find peace in your decision. BUT--is there another option? Can you find a college that has night courses (one night a week--for non-traditional students)? I did my college work at NOrthwestern College in St. Paul (which BTW, has a great Distance Education program--where you can do your schooling from HOME--I think you can research that at http://nwc.nwc.edu/ )
I am so excited for you and your dream--and really respect you for considering all that is to be considered! While it may seem to be adding more road-bumps along your way--by thoughtfully considering all that is in your life...I believe, you are actually enhancing your ability to make the dream come true!
Have I confused you enough? I echo the thoughts that others have commented.....go with your gut!~ It is important, as mothers, as a woman, to not always put ourself on the side-line....however, if your values include not missing your children's pre-school years....then value that! Still, look for compromises: Distance Ed? Different school? A class that meets during the evening? Would that be easier or harder?
Don't give up on your dream...but don't beat yourself up to get it done! You want to be healthy, happy, and regret-less.....on the other side!
I'll be praying for PEACE!
Diane
Kristen,
One more thing---I was just up in my bedroom--making my bed--picking up a little--thinking about you. A book on my bookshelf popped out at me (and I have a lot of books that could have popped!): Pathway to Purpose for Women by Katie Brazelton who is the Women's Bible Study Director at Saddleback Church. This may just be a great book for you to read as you are petitioning God---asking Him what His purpose for you is at this time in your life.
I think you are on the right track Kristen! You are focusing on God's will for you and your family. This book is filled with many great quotes (among other things!). One of them for you today may be:
A focused person behaves far differently from a person without focus. Life has much more meaning, much more purpose, much more intensity. If we focus deeply enough, we bring the subject of our focus to a point of centeredness. This principle can be seen clearly in the way a lens can be used to concentrate intensify the rays of the sun. (Tom Paterson).
THAT's the kind of focus that we will be praying for you Kristen. That you will not have any questions about the direction God wants you to proceed--because the light is so bright--the path is clearly and intensely lit!
Diane
I agree with morning glory.
I grew up with a "working mom".
My mom was extremely important in her career. She was always someone's supervisor, administrator, the head honcho, even a college professor at one time.
She ran multiple hospitals, saved lives, brought babes into the world, and escorted all ages to heaven. She was a hero. She was Super Woman. She earned so many awards for her community service and for her career/company/hospital(s). She was and still is regarded highly by all those who know her. She is one of the most intellegent people I know. She is creative and insprired.
But she was never at home, and when she was, she was exhausted. We (her children)learned early to do housework, and yard work and to tend each other, and to councel each other in her absence. We could all cook and sew before we were out of grade school. We were independant and self sufficient and highly mature for our ages. We all got great grades and had good behaviour. As we grew into jr/high schools we learned to tend ourselves and to stay at home alone when we were sick. It was no big deal by then. *We didn't need our mother* we had learned to live without her influence, without her attention, without her love and affection. (think about that for a second)
We also learned to lie (she's not here right now), so that she could get "some peace"; and we learned to "be happy" so that *she* would not feel guilty, "I HAVE to work!" -but we would feel guilty for her, *WE* were the reason she "needed to work!" The fact was she did not *have* to work. Dad made plenty of money -all they needed to do was budget more and "play" less. And it's funny when I think about it, because we didn't really play with her at all. There were no bedtime stories, no vacations together, no summers, no real holidays or occasions that didn't ALWAYS take place after work had decided if it was worth the time off. Even a birthday was put on hold until "the closest day off so we can really celebrate." Being sick was an inconvenience to my mom's work, she had to leave work to tend to us, which made things even more guilt ridden for the kids. As adults we think kids don't feel it or get it, but they do. They understand completely when an adult is in trouble for staying home to take care of them.
The 4 children in my family each had to learn to go through life in our own ways. I will not share how my siblings handled mom's career, but for me,at age 7, I had a bleeding ulcer the size of a dime. I had that ulcer until I married at age 18. I struggled until I was 35 to feel love from anyone because I felt that my own mother did not need me or love me, so why would anyone else? I wasn't bothered by this fact -it just was- if your own mother can't be bothered no one can or should.
Not one of my siblings thinks it was worth it for mom to have worked. Not one of us feel we had a mom while growing up. And not one of us has a good relationship with our mother to this day, cordial yes, motherly bond - no.
I was a sahm for many years. When my youngest was in kindergarden our finances made me feel as though I needed to work and help support the family. Conditions in my own home began to feel like my childhood. I came home after 5 years. Those are five years I will never get back. Five years that both Thor and I regret with every fiber we have in our bodies.
This is only my experience and I am sure there are millions of working mom success stories out there. But for me, it is the most damaging thing that happened to me, and my children.
I suggest you follow the councel already given here and PRAY very diligently about what is best for everyone who will be affected by this decision. It is very hard to sacrifice for our kids, very hard. My heart goes out to you in this situation. My prayers as well.
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