"Just Keep Swimmin' "

"Hey Mr. Grumpy Gills! You know what you do when life gets you down? Just keep swimmin', swimmin', swimmin. What do we do? We swim, swim, swim". --Dory (spoken to the eternal pessimistic Marlin; Nemo's Dad)

My daughters are huge fans of the Pixar movies. Every week, there is a different one that they choose to watch over and over and over until I want to rip that particular DVD out of the player and chuck it as far as I can away from our house as I can so that I never have to see it again. Except for "Finding Nemo". There is something about that movie that is so endearing to me. Somehow I don't tire of that one. This week, it is their movie of choice.

I love Dory. Dory is the memory challenged, but forever optimistic fish that befriends Marlin in his search for his son, Nemo after he is captured by deep sea divers and fated to live with Darla, "the fish killer".

Yesterday, while Care Bear was at pre-school and Feisty was in the bath-tub (which seems to be her routine every afternoon after Care Bear goes to school--I personally think it's because she gets the whole tub to herself), I settled on my couch with a blanket and my remote to watch "Days Of Our Lives". I look forward to my one hour a day when I can watch my ridiculous soap while Feisty typically entertains herself doing otherwise. However, yesterday after getting out of the bath, she was determined to watch Nemo. Nevermind the fact that she had already watched it once that morning and that mommy was desperately trying to find out what Lucas was going to do to E.J. after he attacked Sami. Nothin' doin'. She wasn't going to be happy 'til she got her 2nd Nemo fix of the day. So, I reluctantly and almost tearfully switched the TV from TV mode to DVD mode and popped in the DVD for her. I determined that I would have to just find out what Lucas did to Sami via Dustin's Days Page.

I plopped back on the couch with "Chicken Soup For the Parent's Soul" to read some awe-inspiring stories of parent-hood when I heard my door knob rattling and someone attempting to get in. I panicked slightly until I saw a little blonde headed girl walk up the stairs and make herself at home. Blondie 2 had decided to pay us a little visit and promptly sat down next to Feisty to engage in Nemo with her. For the next half hour or so, my book took a back-seat to the sheer entertainment and heart-mushy feeling I was getting watching this little 2 year old and 3 year old sit together watching this movie with the occasional conversation:

Blondie 2: "Hey Feisty. They're going to touch the butt". (If you haven't seen Nemo, this particular sentence won't make sense to you. Watch it. It's worth your time).

Feisty: "Yeah. They're gonna touch the butt. I no want to go out there. It's scary!"

A few moments of silence.

Blondie 2: "Hey Feisty! Look at my owie." (Holding up her foot for Feisty to look at).
Feisty: "Oh. Yeah. You should wear shoes!" (Blondie 2 never wears shoes or socks....regardless of the weather).

I got a real kick out of listening to their conversations. I could see my daughter 12 years from now as a teenager sitting on the couch with her friends having conversations like that; but on a more adult level.

As I continued to listen to their conversation, my eyes glanced back at the TV just as Marlin discovered that Dory had dropped the mask that gave them the clue as to where Nemo was located. Marlin believed that all was lost. He was ready to give up. And then I heard the quote. Dory said, "Hey Mr. Grumpy Gills! You know what you do when life gets you down? Just keep swimmin, Just keep swimmin', just keep swimmin, swimmin, swimmin; what do you do you swim, swim, swim!"

And then my mind wandered back to last week; the week of my funk. The week where I felt like Marlin, the pessimist.

And right then I realized, that without even realizing it, that "the funk" seemed to have passed. There was no bolt of lightning that hit me that took me out of it; no defining moment. I didn't just wake up one morning and say to myself, "Wow. Great. The funk seems to have passed." I just discovered that the clutching feeling in my stomach was gone. The "crawly" feeling was gone. The angst was gone. I was actually sitting on my couch, relaxing and not feeling like I was going to jump out of my skin. It was a cool feeling to realize that, and an even weirder feeling to realize that I hadn't noticed it before.

The weekend was great. My girls were great. They had a wonderful time at the birthday party they went to this weekend. They went to bed good and slept all through the night without waking me up. And they had a good time at church on Sunday. I got a nap on Sunday afternoon when my wonderful Dad took them to the park, and we had a good time at my in-laws Sunday evening.

I don't believe that my funk passed simply because they were "good and well-behaved" for me this weekend.....although that certainly did help. Thinking back on it, I believe it was gone before the weekend even came.

The quote from Dory in that movie made me realize that her advice is what I practiced last week in the midst of my funk. No, I didn't keep swimmin'. But I did keep goin'. As much as I wanted to just lay in my bed the whole week with the covers over my head and pretend that nothing and no-one existed, I didn't do that. I really didn't have any choice. I just kept goin'. And by being pro-active, and forcing myself to focus on postive things rather than dwelling on negative, my negative feelings began to cease. Slowly, but surely. And without me even noticing it.

I'm hoping that I don't feel that low again anytime soon, but in the event that I do, I know how to combat it.

A few more positive things have occurred recently as well. The director of Care Bear's pre-school caught me in the hall yesterday and informed me that someone donated some scholarship money to the school and that Care Bear was one of the recipients of that scholarship money. Her December tuition is paid for thanks to the kindness of someone un-known to me.

My husband's attitude towards life lately seems to have changed significantly. And it's all thanks to his being a part of the Praise Band at our church. My husband lives and breathes music. He needs music as much as he needs air and water. Almost all of his free time is somehow spent revolved around music. He used to be in a band with some friends, long before he met me, but nothing ever happened with his band. Since then, he has said time and time again how he wishes he could somehow be part of a band again. Enter: Praise Band. Granted, it's not the type of music that he typically likes to play or listen to. But he has enjoyed it nonetheless. Playing the drums again has done wonders for his self-esteem and his need to play music.

One of his favorite activities is to stand for hours at his CD burner, with his MP3 player and make mixed CD after mixed CD after mixed CD. Most often, unsavory music that I could really do without. However, lately, his tastes have turned to Christian music. His mission: to find songs that our band can play. He spent hours last night preparing a CD to present to our band as potential music to play. He listens to the Christian radio station in his truck. He often talks about ways to improve our performances. And recently, he has been asked by two of the members in our praise band to join their other band that they have. If he can secure a drum set (which we are working on), he's as good as a member of the band. I can not tell you how much this prospect excites him.

He told me last night that he was going through his HUMONGOUS collection of CDs and that there are a lot of them in there that he doesn't even feel that he can play or listen to anymore because they are "too negative". The seeds have been planted.....

Happy Thanksgiving to all!

P.S....I just did the Holiday Meme over at my meme blog. Go check it out, too, and consider yourself tagged!