Fear Of Loss

I have not had to deal with a lot of loss in my 31 years (in terms of people I love dying). My great-grandma died when I was about 9 years old, and I lost my 18 year old cousin about 7 or 8 years ago when he fell asleep on the highway driving to go visit his girlfriend in Kansas. Both of these losses were devastating to me in their own right. My great-grandma was my best buddy, and to lose a cousin at such a young age in such a tragic way was awful, to say the least. But to my recollection, in my 31 years, those are the only losses I have experienced. That's really not too bad.

I am lucky enough to still have all four grandparents among the living. And I am doubly lucky that all four grandparents live within a 5 mile radius of me. And my children are unbelievably lucky to have the opportunity to get to know all four of their great grand-parents. If I could have been so lucky.

Every now and then, realizing that my grandparents are getting older, a little thought creeps into my head, "How am I going to handle losing my first grandparent?", but then I dismiss the thought, not wishing to think of such things, and not really worrying too much about it because at that particular moment, it still feels like that will be a ways down the road.

The thought of losing a loved one always terrifies me. I don't like to think about it, and I don't like to face that it is a reality and will happen one of these days. Whenever anyone I love boards a plane, I always have this little nagging feeling inside of me worrying about their safety until I find out that they have, in fact, landed and are safe on solid ground.

My fear of loss suddenly took a flying leap right into my face yesterday evening:

My father's parents (we'll call them grandma and grandpa C) have lived in my town for as long as I can remember. For most of my life, they lived a mere six blocks from me. I would ride my bike over there whenever the desire hit me to see my grandparents. I would stay there for several days and nights at a time if I felt like it. My grandparents were always ready and willing to have me as their guest. When I would spend the night at their house, I remember waking up to the smell of toast and coffee and seeing my grandparents sitting at the table eating their breakfast with the early morning sunlight shining in on the table. My brother and I would sit their eating breakfast with them and then would participate in their early morning devotions, and then not so patiently listen to my grandpa do his post-devotion prayer. To young children, his prayer seemed endless, but he had to include in his prayer every single relative, every single missionary, and every single world leader in existence. Suffice it to say, my grandpa C was a champion pray-er!

My grandma C and I did a lot of home-making type stuff together. To say that she is the epitome of the perfect grandma is an understatement. She is an amazing grandma. We baked cookies together, we made projects together, every Christmas she would have me come over and prepare home made gifts for people. She used to have a very old fashioned washing machine that she would set up in her kitchen and I loved to help her with it because it was so fascinating to me. It made the modern and conventional method of washing clothes seem so boring! She would wash the clothes in a big tin bucket and then turn on the machine and push the clothes through the ringers to squeeze away excess water. The clothes came out of the ringers looking all stiff and then we would go hang them up on the clothes line out to dry. It was a fascinating thing to me.

My grandpa C has always been a rough kind of guy. He was never overly affectionate to the grand-kids and if we dare not eat everything on our plate we were met with a stern stare and an exclamation of, "You eat everything on that plate!" Grandma C, the loving one would return, "Oh, grandpa....". Over the years, grandpa C has softened quite a bit. He has become more generous with his hugs and isn't quite as "rough" as he used to be. My grandpa is 92 years old. He is a retired pastor of the covenant church and has always been an amazing example of a strong, Christian man.

My grandpa's health has been failing greatly over the last year. A few years ago, my grandparents moved into a retirement facility that works in stages. They started out in an apartment when they first moved in. It's a fully functional apartment with kitchen and everything. A few months ago they had to move into assisted living due to my grandfather's continued health problems, his tendency to fall and his inability to control other things. My grandma was having difficulty helping him anymore. My grandma has had a real hard time adjusting to the assisted living aspect because she no longer has a kitchen to cook in, it is a much smaller space and her very identity (that of a home-maker) has literally been taken out from under her.

Last night, I found out that my grandpa had to take the final step: he was moved into the nursing home. When I heard this, it felt like a punch in my stomach. The fear of loss that used to creep in every now and then as a "someday I might lose someone I love" thought had all of a sudden smacked me in the face as a "losing my first grandparent could be here very soon" realization.

I'm 31 years old. I knew that I wouldn't go through my entire life with everyone I love always being there. But losing someone always seemed like such a far-off thing. I don't know how I'll react when my grandpa goes. I don't know what my grandma will do when he's gone. I worry about my Dad when my grandpa goes. He's 64 and still has both of his parents!

My fear of loss is very real right now, and I don't like the feeling. It's a nagging presence in the back of my head and it won't go away.

I can at least be comforted in the knowledge that when he does go, when any of my grandparents go, I know that they will all be in Heaven singing with the angels and walking the streets of gold with their Heavenly father, and one day I will see them again.

I've been truly blessed with the best grandparents (on both sides) I could have ever asked for, which is why the fear of loss is so great for me; I won't have them here on earth to enjoy any longer.

Wednesday Word Play!

I'm very happy that kpjara has started this new Wednesday challenge for a couple of reasons:

1.) I have been wracking my brain trying to figure out what to write about today and have come up with nothing, zilch, zip, nada. So, now I have something to write about!!

2.) I love to write. I always have, and this is a good way to expand my writing skills and have fun doing it!

There were three different challenges to choose from this week, and I am choosing Challenge #1, which is:

Write any word at the top of a page. Set a timer for 5 minutes and without stopping to think or question your thoughts, write down any ideas that come to mind with regard to this topic.

So, without further ado, here is my first Wednesday Word Play!

COLORADO

1. Beautiful
2. Majestic
3. Glorious
4. Mountainous
5. Family
6. Home
7. Love
8. Comfort
9. Joy
10. Growing
11. Un-predictable (weather wise)
12. Skiing
13. Hiking
14. Enjoyable
15. Comfortable
16. My HOME no matter where else life takes me!

My Missionary Kids

We are not missionaries in the sense that we travel to Africa or Ethopia or any other countries to witness to the world. But my kids are missionaries in the own right; in our very own neighborhood. Here are some examples.

Remember when I told you about Care Bear's first sleepover? The next day, I was talking with Barbie and she told me that Care Bear could not quit talking about church the whole time she was there. She spoke about Sunday School, about singing, about her friends; all the while "preaching" to Blondie 1 that "You need to go to church with me".

Care Bear on many occasions has invited Blondie 1 and Blondie 2 to go to Sunday School with her. The Blondies always refuse. Blondie 1 informs us that "Church is boring". Sure, church is boring if your parents take you once every 5 months and they take you to a church without Sunday School for kids, or nursery care.

Care Bear doesn't give up. One of these days, she'll wear her down, my little missionary she is.

Feisty is on her way, too. Her favorite movies among her collection are her "Jesus tape" (which is just a collection of real classic Sunday School songs that have young children singing to them). In the car, she must listen to her "Jesus tape"....a similar tape just in audio rather than video. She equally adores Veggie Tales.

In the aforementioned "Jesus tape" (video version), the children sing "If You're Happy and You Know It". When they sing "If you're happy and you know it say Amen!", they say this while going down a slide. Now, whenever we're at the park, Feisty emulates the children in the video exclaiming "AMEN!" hands high up in the air while going down the slide; thereby witnessing to everyone in the park. Feisty, my little missionary she is!

Anakin is a missionary to the most important person he could be a missionary to, and that is his BM. BM is the furthest thing from a Christian one could be. It grates on her every nerve that we have been faithfully taking Anakin to church every Sunday and Wednesday while she has been "absent BM". This past Christmas, when she all of a sudden decided she wanted to be a party of Anakin's life again, she wanted to resume the previous court ordered schedule of Wednesday nights and Saturday into Sunday. The dates were arranged and approved by the courts before Hubby and I even got to see the final arrangement. But that is neither here nor there right now. When BM decided to start taking Anakin regularly again, he wanted to switch the schedule to allow him to attend church again. He proposed to his mother going over there on Tuesdays and Fridays so he could go to church on Wednesdays and Sundays. She made up some lame excuse as to why that would not work for her and has made sure she has her visits on every Wednesday and Saturday night without fail. There is an occasion here and there where a visit may be missed when Anakin gets to go to church, but not very often. Somehow, he manages to keep the knowledge he has learned in church with him, however. He'll tell me every now and then something he has told his mother about God, or Jesus or church, and inside myself I get a sly little grin just imagining what his mother must think when she is so utterly opposed to his going to church. Anakin, my little missionary he is!

Maybe one of these days one of my munchkins will be missionaries in a far off land; but for now, they're doing a great job right where they are!

Who Is that Kristen, anyway??

The traffic at Mama's So Called Life seems to have slowed down drastically in the past couple of weeks. Or at least the comments have. Maybe I am boring everyone with my talk of school, my complaints about the person I un-affectionately refer to as BM or my continued talk of American Idol, even though I vowed I would shut up about it after the show ended. Or maybe everyone is just busy and bored with the computer and spending time in the great outdoors with their children. If it is the latter, "Good for you", I say! That is the best thing to be doing. If it is any of the former suggestions, I am posting this in an effort to show more of who I really am when I'm not talking about what I usually talk about it. I will try to answer the question that I know has been burning everyone's brain since you first entered my blog. "Who is exactly is this person, Kristen?!" This is what I know of myself. Although, I haven't quite figured myself out completely.

WHO IS KRISTEN?!?!

1. I am the oldest of two children.
2. I am the big sister of Kevin.
3. I am my mother and father's daughter.
4. I am mother to Anakin, Care Bear and Feisty.
5. I am cousin to 19 people.
6. I am an admissions counselor in a major Colorado University.
7. My first job was at Little Caesar's Pizza.
8. I also have worked at KFC, TCBY, Swensen's Ice Cream, a doctor's office when I was in college, a property management company while I was in college, the Chemical Engineering department at this same University, and the Vice President's Office at this same University.
9. My first major was Business.
10. I changed it to Psychology.
11. I thought about doing Social Work.
12. I am now in Interior Design.
13. I had four serious (or at least I considered them serious) boyfriends before I met my husband.
14. My husband was the best friend of a guy I dated my senior year in high school.
15. I love scary movies.
16. I love scary books.
17. I love Days of Our Lives.
18. If I had one beverage to choose to drink for the rest of my life, it would hands down be Diet Dr. Pepper.
19. I could probably live on peanut butter if I had to.
20. I am a recovered anorexic.
21. I was in a treatment center in Arizona for four months for it 11 years ago.
22. I was going to become a therapist to help people with eating disorders, but changed my mind.
23. Occasionally, people still whisper in my mom's ear, "Is Kristen having eating problems again?!" To which I wish to go up to them, wipe the concerned look off their face and say, "Give me a freakin' break! I have a high metabolism! Wanna watch me stuff a 2 lb Chipotle burrito down my face in 10 minutes?! Cuz I can do it!!"
24. I do everything in my power to make sure I do not do anything to my girls that will ever make them feel as though they need to quit eating as a coping mechanism.
25. I try to be a good, Christian example to my children. I do my best, but admit that I am not perfect.
26. If I could look in the future and see everything that is ever going to happen to my children, I would take the bad stuff away, and give it to myself.
27. If I forget to kiss one of my kids goodbye before I leave for work while they are still sleeping, my whole day is messed up.
28. I am often one big giant ball of stress.
29. I love my family more than anything in the world.
30. I am a child of God.

So, in a nutshell, there I am. I left out a lot I'm sure, but like I said, I can't figure myself out half the time. I hope you feel like you know me better now!!

Have a super, fantastic weekend everyone!

Making The Grade

I got a "B" on my second test. Hmmph. Right now I have a 92% in the class. A little too close for comfort for my taste. Guess I'd better do a kick-butt job on my last project and on my final if I want to keep that A!

I knew it wasn't going to be as good as my first test. I could feel it in my bones!!

The Other Shoe Has Dropped!

I said it, didn't I? Didn't I say it? That it was too good to be true?!?! Well, I was right. After knowing Anakin's (formerly Yoda's) mom for a good almost seven years, you would think I would never get to comfortable with her "sometimes" pleasantness. But the most recent bout of pleasantness has gone on for several months. (With the occasional gripe here and there). Anyway, for several months, BM (biological mom...formerly "wanna be mom") has been threatening to go to court and file a motion to get partial custody of Anakin back. We never heed her threats. They are a dime a dozen.

Last week, the other shoe dropped. BM decided that she had been nice long enough. She came to pick up Anakin the other afternoon. Anakin has been on an antiobiotic for the last week due to a sinus infection. When she came, I gave her the medication and told him he needed one more dose that night, and one the next morning. What I failed to mention to her was that the medication needed to be refrigerated. When I realized I failed to mention this fact, I nicely text messaged her and told her that the medicine needed to be refrigerated. She unkindly texted me back and informed me that she has been a mother much longer than I have and that she already knows this. "But thanks!" Nice. This escalated into a vigilant text message sound off between myself, hubster and BM.

I know not too long ago I vowed to let my personal feelings for BM not interfere with the fact that she is a child of God's, and that despite her horrible-ness, I promise to love her, regardless. This is proving to be unbelievably difficult as of the last week. We were just sent in the mail today a petition that she filed with the courts to be granted 1/2 custody of Anakin. I fear that the judge will grant her wish, simply because she is his BM, regardless of the fact that she has proven over and over that she can not get him to school on time, she can not send him with lunch or with lunch money, she has had 4 houses in a year, countless roommates, and several jobs. Who cares, right?! She is his freakin' BM!!!! I hate the justice system. It is so wrong. It makes mothers like myself and all of you who do everything in the world they can for their children feel like, "What's the use?!" If a mother like her can be granted custody simply because he came from her womb, then what's the use? I have been that child's mother since he was less than Care Bear's age, but will a judge care about that? Highly unlikely. Because BM has lying, manipulation and biology on her side. Whatever. I'm just aggravated right now. Bear with me.

Love you all. Have a good night's rest!

Second Test...

was hard. I breezed through the last one. I wasn't nearly as confident when taking this one. I'm nervous to find out how I did.

Just had to "publish" my angst!!

An Award and Other Stuff

Well, guess what folks? I have created a banner for the "I HELPED KRISTEN COOK" award. If you are a past winner and are interested in the code for the banner to put on your blog, just shoot me an email and I'll send you the code. The award looks like this:

I know, it's absolutely nothing special, but it's a form of recognition for all of you amazing people who have truly helped turn dinner time around at my house and I appreciate it immensely! Speaking of.....send some more recipes my way. I'm getting low and if I don't get more soon, I'll run out! I can not under any circumstances let that happen! So, here is your call for recipes. Click on the "Write to Me" link and send 'em my way! With that said, let's get to today's award.

It was a fantastic recipe that was extremely easy, extremely inexpensive, and extremely delicious. AND, it can be eaten in a variety of ways. There's not many more fantastic feelings in the world than when your husband genuinely compliments you on what you made for dinner; especially when you have a husband like mine, who is an extremely picky eater! The winner this week is:

Rachelle from:

Teacher, Mom, Mad Woman!

And here is her recipe:

Taco Soup
1 can diced tomatoes (I prefer ones with green chiles)
1 can kidney beans
1 can corn
1 lb cooked ground beef
1 package taco seasoning

Don’t drain any cans. Just dump all in a pan, stir together, and heat until warm. Serve in a bowl with cheese on top and tortilla chips. You can also add sour cream if desired.

So, thanks Rachelle for the wonderful food!! If you want the banner on your site, just let me know!

MY FIELD TRIP TO SEE ACE!

First and foremost, let me say that it wasn't quite all it was cracked up to be. The hubster and I left (yes, my husband went with me to see Ace....is that a supportive hubby or what?!) at around 5:00 thinking we'd hit Denver around 6:30, get a good spot and just hang out for a couple of hours until the show started at 9:00. WRONG. The doors didn't even open until 9:00. Luckily, downtown Denver is a pretty fun spot to hang out in, so we just got ourselves some grub and relaxed for awhile until we headed back over to the spot where the show was. At about 8:45 we headed back and got in line. Hubby was very relieved to find that he wasn't the only male there. In fact, there were quite a few men looking begrudgingly at eachother, obviously also coerced by their better female half to accompany them. But at least he wasn't alone! As the line proceeded, we were thrilled to find out that we, as general seat holders (i.e. those who did not win VIP passes from the radio station), got to get in the shorter line and go in first. Whooppeee! Yeah. We also found out that if we wanted VIP passes even though we didn't win them, we could pay a mere $40 for the chance of a lifetime to interact with Ace behind the curtain and get a picture with him!! Ummm....sorry but $40 is a little pricey if you ask me just to get a picture of the 6th runner up of American Idol. So we settled with just hanging out in the club with the other commoners and hoping to get a good spot by the stage when Ace did finally make his appearance.....that long waited appearance did not occur until 12:30 a.m.!! Long before that I was about ready to scrap the whole thing, but we had come this far.....so we stayed. We stayed to listen to Ace sing three songs and then tell us "Thanks for coming" and that he was going to go back stage now again and hang out in the VIP area for awhile longer. Wow. Thanks, Ace, for gracing us with your presence for an entire 20 minutes. YOU RULE DUDE! However, even with the frustration of the evening, it was fun to see him up close and personal. At one point, he pointed right at me....see, I did get a good spot by the stage. Unfortunately, most of the pics I took didn't turn out so great, but here are the ones I did get.

Hubby....on the road.
A very unattractive picture of me while we were eating.
A pic of the brush I bought at a Walgreen's there because I forgot to bring one and my hair was a rat's nest after driving 65 miles with the windows open at 75 miles per hour!
A picture of the "carpet" in the club by the bathrooms. I took this to demonstrate "bad design". People, even someone who isn't taking Interior Design courses should immediately be able to recognize that this is not good design!!

And, the Ace-Man....singin' his heart out.....



So, there you have it. My BIG trip to see Ace. Huh.

I still haven't decided what to do with my hair. I'm thinkin' I'm going to keep it long awhile longer because I'm picturing seeing the hair fall to the floor and it's not makin' me happy. Maybe later.

I think I have to go take a test now! Wish me luck!!

Phew!

Hey Stupid Blogger!!

Let's make a deal! If I promise to never, ever, ever again mess with my template without someone who knows what they are doing helping me, will you promise to never give me problems again? No? I didn't think you'd take that deal. What I had to go through today to get this stupid thing fixed!! Here's a tip: If it ain't broke, don't try to fix it! I won't try to get vain again with the way my sidebar looks, and I'll just be happy the dumb thing is running. But I still want to change to a new template....I'll just do it when I have some assistance from a pro!

I decided to go back to the one I was using before because I could already tell I was going to be wonky all the time with that other one. Until I started messing with it last week, this one has been pretty cooperative, so I'll stay here. And I didn't even have to bother Karen, or Queen Beth! I thought I'd give it a shot myself and see what I could do, and then if I just couldn't do it, I'd bother the more experienced, but HEY! Check it out! I figured it out. Hmmm. I'm never touching my template again!

I was going to post an award today (since last Friday I dedicated my post to my brother), and I was also going to post some pictures from the Ace concert I went to. I know you are all starting to think I'm full of hooey and I never even went to see Ace, but I promise, I did! Now my computer is being a pain in the you-know-where, and I am using a co-workers computer, so I don't have access to my pictures which are on my hard-drive. So you all will have to wait one teeny-weeny more day to see pics of the beautiful Ace!

It's all good. I have a test I should be studying for and an assignment to end all assignments to work on also. So, I'll post that good stuff tomorrow! :-) Thanks for not leaving me!

I'm still around....

I just haven't had the chance to work on the blog issues. Karen, I will email you tomorrow to see if we can fix the issues!

A big thanks to JD for awarding me the "Friday Flip Up" award! Yipeeee! I love awards, and I hardly ever get them! As soon as I get the code, I'll be adding the award on to the ole bloggy!

Don't forget to go visit the newest blogger on the block, my wonderful mommy, Grandma Dawn! Give her some traffic, y'all! :-)

I'll be back tomorrow. The female parental unit finally sent me the pics of Ace, so I'll try to post them tomorrow.

See you soon!

Wonky Issues

Oh, wow. Did I ever screw up today. I was adding all kinds of new stuff to my blog; technorati, bloglines, etc...today and didn't like the way they all looked in my sidebar, so I decided to try a new template. What.a.huge.mistake!! Now everything is gone. All my sidebar stuff. My links, my stuff that I put on the side. *sigh*. I spent all kinds of time this morning re-organizing my blogroll using bloglines, and now it's gone! FOREVER! I don't know what to do. PLEASE HELP SOMEONE! Also, does anyone know anyone who designs blogs for free? I can't afford to pay for a new design but I'm bored with all of bloggers designs. Maybe I should just quit! :-(

Welcome to Blogland, Mom!

After much talking and convincing (and yes, it took a lot of convincing!), my mother has entered blogland. Check her out, and let her feel welcome to this world!

Call Me Grandma Dawn

My Brother Has Returned

I don't believe I have ever mentioned on my blog the fact that I have a brother. I do, and he's 2 years younger than me. For many years, my brother has had many issues that he has tried to resolve in a number of ways, without success. Eighteen months ago, he took a step to go out east to try once and for all to deal with the issues. While he was greatly missed while he was gone, it was a comforting feeling to all who love him to know that he was in a safe place receiving the help he needed, and we did not have to worry our nights and days away wondering if he was OK and taking care of himself.

Two days ago, my brother returned home. He has completed his eighteen months and he is now back out in the real world to take the skills that he acquired and apply them to his life. It was a surreal feeling to me to see my brother walk out of that car and give me a hug after returning home after so long. In some ways to me it felt as if he had never gone, and in some ways it felt as though it had been years since I saw him. When my brother left, he was well over 6 feet tall and weighed a mere 140 lbs. Upon his return, he is still well over 6 feet tall, but now weighs a healthy 190 lbs. It was a wonderful feeling to get a hug from my brother and have his strong, healthy arms enfold me. It was wonderful to see my brother interact with his neices and his nephew whom he hasn't seen in a year and a half and who have grown so much since he was gone. It was wonderful to see that sparkle in my brother's eyes, and not the vacant look that so often encompassed his face before he left. It was wonderful to know that he is back with his wife in his apartment where he belongs.

My brother has a whole new life ahead of him and I hope and pray with everything I have that he is a success now, and that all that he has learned and acquired will stay with him and that his focus and resolve will remain firm and solid. I hope he is able to accomplish all his hopes and dreams and enjoy life to the fullest! To you, Kevin, my beloved younger brother....I love you, I missed you, and am so glad you are home!! You have a wonderful life to look forward to! And I hope all your dreams come true!!

To Cut Or Not To Cut....

That is the question. My hair right now is longer than it has ever been. This summer is about the hottest summer we've ever had...and it's only June. Long hair+hot summer=Kristen's sweaty neck. So my dilemma is this: Cut my hair and be cooler this summer, but most likely regret it the second I see the hair falling to the floor? Or wait it out, wear lots of pony tails and continue to grow it. To aid in your vote, I am providing a picture of myself with short hair (about 3 years ago on the 4th of July with Care Bear, 10 months old), and my profile picture which is a couple months old. My hair is slightly longer now. Tell me what you think!

Short? Or long??

Sabattical is Over!

I don't think I've gone a whole week without posting since I started blogging regularly. I feel so detached from my blog and from everyone else. I hope you all haven't given up on me and taken me off of your favorites! As I mentioned last week, my schedule was really weird last week and I've been away from my computer for 5.5 days now. I haven't been down at my mom's at all either to use hers. I missed you all! Did you miss me?! :-)

Hmmmm....what do I have to tell you since last we spoke? Well, Care Bear had a pretty big weekend. She had her first sleepover at the next door neighbors house on Friday night. I had suggested to her that she have "Blondie 1" over to sleep at our house that night, but apparently Blondie 1 is too scared to stay at any house other than her own, so Blondie 1's mom (Barbie....remember her?) invited Care Bear to stay overnight there. "What?!" I thought to myself. "You are inviting my child to come to your house?!" Well, needless to say, Care Bear was more than thrilled at the prospect. Barbie asked me to give her a little time to take a shower and get something to eat and then she would come over and get Care Bear. About 1/2 hour later, the doorbell rang and when I answered it, there stood Blondie 1 and Blondie 2 in their jammies to pick up Care Bear. I walked her over (and of course Feisty had to come, too) and when I opened the door and let her in there, I asked Blondie 1 to give Barbie our phone number in case she needed to call me. Blondie 1 then informed me very loudly, "My mom is nekkid, but I'll give it to her." ROFL! Care Bear barely even said goodbye to me as she pretty much shut the door on my face asserting her independence. As she shut the door, I heard her announce to Blondie 1, "You don't have to be scared. I'll sleep in your bed with you." I choked back a little sob as I realized how quickly my "baby" is growing up. Feisty was less than thrilled that she had to walk back home with mommy instead of being included in the fun; but mommy knows best, right??? You'd think so. But apparently not. At 12:45, Feisty woke up. At 1:00 a.m., I got a call from Barbie telling me that Care Bear was really upset and wanted to come home. Hubby wasn't in bed, so I went downstairs to see if he was still up so he could go get Care Bear since I was dealing with Feisty. Lo and behold! Hubby was gone. Where? I don't know. But that's beside the point. I had to grab Feisty and haul her next door to get Care Bear, who of course, also wanted to be held. There I am in the middle of the night with two unhappy little girls, carrying half my body weight across the neighborhood to home. And getting my feet soaking wet in the process from wet grass. FUN!! My girls got crappy sleep, I got crappy sleep, and Care Bear woke up in the morning sick. Woo-hoo! In hind-sight, I believe I would not have condoned a sleep over for my 3.5 year old daughter. Sometimes mommy doesn't know best. In my defense, I had no earthly clue that Barbie would allow them to stay up until 1 a.m. without forcing the issue of sleep! What is that?!?! So, the weekend pretty much was a crapper. Total crapper! At least she seems to be feeling better now, and Blondie 1 informed me yesterday that Care Bear wants to have another sleep-over soon. Yeah. Right. That'll happen in this millenium! Not unless Barbie and I have a talk about what is appropriate sleeping time for three girls ages 2-5. I'm not having another weekend like that one.

Yoda (who has requested that I refer to him as Annakin instead of Yoda) was supposed to go to church camp today. He went last year and loved it! He's been looking forward to it for months. Well, Yoda-Annakin caught Care Bear's bug. Annakin is not at camp today. He's bummed. I'm bummed. Good news is, he can catch another session at the end of the month. I hope he'll go for it because that session is in tee-pees instead of in cabins. Annakin is not your rustic kind of kid. Not.at.all. So I'm thinkin' it's gonna be a no go.

I am so thrilled because I finally got grades on most of the assignments I've done and at this point I have a strong, solid "A" in my class. I am seriously considering the option of going back full time next spring so that I can finish quicker and maybe even have a great job doing what I want by the time my kids are all in school. Going back, though, depends on the kind of financial aid package I receive. Hope it's good. I have not yet informed my colleagues that I am considering this. They won't be pleased. It'll be a major life change for me and quite an adjustment. This has been my comfort zone for almost 10 years and going back into the world of academia and leaving my secure job is a little nerve-wracking. But I would really like to finish school before I'm 40. I really would. What do you all think?

I will have another award on Friday. I tried a new recipe last night, so I have one to give!

Still waiting for the female parental unit to download the Ace pictures for me so I can post them and tell you about the night. I don't think she's in a big hurry to do it. It's all good. As long as they don't get deleted!!

Again, I've missed my blogging buddies! I hope you still come check me out and don't give up on me! :-) Have a superb day!!

First Test

Just keeping everyone informed. I got 70 out of 75 on my first test. Now, if I can just finish my assignment.....

I also just realized that my final exam is during the time that I am at a family reunion this summer. Hoping there's an internet connection where I am.

Thanks for the good wishes! :-)

I'll Be Back...

When I just wrote that, I sounded like Arnold Schwarzenneger in my head. Did anyone else hear it?! Anyway, just a quick note to tell you all that this will be a weird blogging week for me. My schedule is all out of wack at work this week because of two horrendously long days of meetings I have to go to today and tomorrow. I've had to totally re-arrange my schedule and so has my mom. So anyway, if you are just dying to see the pictures of Ace, you might just have to wait a couple more days until I have more time to post them. Not to mention I have a humongous assignment due on Wednesday and not a clue as to how I'm going to get it done before then. I see a couple of loooong nights in my very near future here.

I took my first test on Saturday. It was on line, and it was timed. We were given 60 minutes. I finished it in 12. I'm hoping that means I did really well on it and that I knew the material well. Personally, I think I aced it. Ha ha. Did you catch that little pun?! I know. Corny.

Anyway, I hope everyone had a great weekend, and I'll check back as soon as possible. Probably Wednesday afternoon! :-)

An Award, A Meme, And Other Stuff

I got tired of using the word "randomness", and since I just used it yesterday, I thought I'd simplify it to "stuff" today, lest I sound repetitive and boring. I did think of another item I was going to talk about yesterday that I forgot. Or maybe I just got tired of being pulled on and dripped on by Feisty, so I just gave up.

The other day, Diane at Partners in Prayer for our Prodigals posted about loving someone who is extremely difficult to love. I've had a few of those people in my lifetime. One of those people entered my life 6.5 years ago. She is Yoda's mother. In the past, when posting about her, I have referred to her as WBM (wanna be mom). I have thought about that and realized that calling my step-son's mom his wanna be mom is not within the spirit of trying to love someone who is difficult to love. I highly doubt that Jesus is up there in Heaven referring to her as his "wanna be mom". He gave Yoda to her, and regardless of how I feel about her mothering skills, Yoda is her son. Therefore, in the future, if and when I do write about her, that will no longer be the moniker I use for her. I have to think of a new, creative, yet less insulting name for her.

Don't get me wrong, she is a very difficult person to deal with, and every time she is scheduled to come get Yoda for a visit, or anytime I see her name come across on the caller ID, or a text message come in from her, I inwardly groan wondering if she's going to be in a good mood today, or if she has switched to her other personality and is going to be nasty and rude. You can never tell with her. She is very crafty in making you think she has changed; making you believe that maybe she has turned a corner and grown up finally. Once the feeling of relief washes over me after a pleasant exchange with her, I have to remind myself not to get to comfortable, because likely the next time I see her, she'll have decided once again that she hates me and I ruined her life and took away her family.

Last night was one of the pleasant exchanges. She came to pick up Yoda at 4:30 and was very friendly, chatty and pleasant. She even talked with Care Bear and Feisty and when she brought Yoda back, she sent with him a package of pre-cut chocolate chip cookies for the kids to all make together today. See? Very nice. But I can't get comfortable with that side of her because I've been burned too many times to know that it won't last.

Even in those moments where I wish she would somehow disappear and forget that she has a son, I have to remember that she is one of God's children, He loves her even if I have trouble doing so, and as much as it irks me, she is Yoda's biological mother.

So, thanks Diane for that timely and apropos reminder. I think that post was just for me.

I refuse to discuss the other person I have issues with. I'm not even going to go there. Maybe someday. I'm having trouble forgiving her much less even comprehending loving her. I'll work on it.

The concert tonight: Thanks to those of you that commented and harassed my mom to let me use her camera! It looks like I'm going to get to use it. I will double tie it around my wrist to ensure it stays safe and secure with me. Now I can only hope that I'll get close enough to Ace to get a few good pics, and possibly get a pic taken with him!! I'm facing a problem, though, and that is that I'm having trouble figuring out exactly where it is. My radio station's website (they are hosting the event) tell me where it is, but don't give the address. I'm not very familiar with the big city, and have no clue where it is. My efforts to call them are being thwarted by busy signals, or no answer, and they are not responding to my email!! Do they want out of towners to come this event or not?! Not everyone is from the all might big city, y'know!! Even trying to locate this place on the internet is proving fruitless. I've located a phone number to the venue, but am only getting an answering machine. Grrr. I guess I'll wander the streets of the big city until I find it. No one, or nothing, will stop me from making this event tonight. Not after the trouble and effort I've gone to to secure babysitting for the kidlets tonight!!

Before I can even prepare myself and get beautiful for the show, though. I have an assignment to finish. My professor is going to kill me off! Just when I think I can relax and breathe a sigh of relief after finishing one assignment, I look at my syllabus, and "lo and behold"! There is another assignment due. Or a test to study for. (Which is tomorrow!) Aye aye aye! So, as soon as the blogging is done, I'll be doing that. (Would you say my priorites are out of order?!)

The other day,Nikkie (Snickers) tagged me for a meme. So, here it is!

7 things I want to do before I die:

-Go on a cruise
-Finish my degree
-Work in my studied profession
-See my kids graduate, be independent and happy
-Retire in the lap of luxury
-Pay my mom & dad back for everything they've done for me.
-Go to Hawaii

7 Things I can't do:

-Eat fish
-Hurt people's feelings
-Garden
-Confrontations
-Wake up in the morning
-Stay awake at night
-Tolerate messes.

7 things that attracted me to my spouse:

-his smile
-his laugh
-his love for his son
-his passion for things he loves
-his adoration for me
-common interests
-his shyness

7 Things I say often:

-Settle down!!
-For cryin' out loud!
-I love you so much!
-Let's go!
-I'm so tired.
-What a mess!
-What do you want to eat?

7 Books I love:

-The Da Vinci Code
-Stephen King (any)
-Dean Koontz (any)
-Tami Hoag (any)
-Danielle Steel (most)
-The Bible
-The Five Love Languages of Children

7 Movies I could watch over and over again

-Never Been Kissed
-Legally Blonde
-When Harry Met Sally
-Sweet Home Alabama
-Romy & Michelle's High School Reunion
-She's All That
-The Scream Trilogy

7 People who I'm going to tag!

-Ashley
-kpjara
-Jane
-Janice
-Amanda
-Lei
-Gabriela

And last but not least, after two weeks of absence:

The I HELPED KRISTEN COOK AWARD!!

This weeks winner is someone near and dear to my heart. She sent me a couple of recipes a few weeks ago, and we tried one of them last night, and as all of the other recipes have been, it was a great success. It was tasty, and delicious, super easy and cheap. Here's her recipe:

Chicken Tacos
1 package of regular taco seasoning, any brand
2 cans of chicken broth
4 thawed chicken breasts

Put in the crock pot and cook on low all day or on a combination of high and low for a half day. When ready to serve take the chicken out and shred it with a fork. Serve in soft taco shells with taco fixings. I like to brown my taco shells in a little bit of oil in a frying pan to make them crisp. Soooo good. Excellent leftovers, tastes great in a salad too. A really, really good alternative to ground beef.

And the winner is: (drumroll, please!)

KAREN FROM:

The Big Trade Off!!

Not only is Karen the big award winner this week, but she's also my beloved cousin! Thanks, Karen for the fabuloso recipe and helping me make a healthy and delicious meal for my family!

OK, this has gone on long enough. Have to get that homework done, now. Eh.

Thursday Randomness

My blog is about as disorganized as I am. Thursday randomness, Friday Randomness, sometimes there's an award, sometimes there's not. Hmmm. I roll with the punches. I have a cornucopia of things to discuss; thus the Thursday randomness instead of the Friday. And I assure you, tomorrow, there will be another "I HELPED KRISTEN COOK AWARD". I am trying a new recipe tonight. I've gotten off my lazy butt today, gone to the store, and I'm gonna cook again. (Actually, it's not really a lazy butt, more of an "I'm too busy and tired to even try to go to the store with three children, and once night comes and the hubster is home, all I want to do is relax.")

As you all know, I am once again a student. Therefore, I am in "study mode" again. My blog today will be categorized as though I was taking notes. It's my new effort to become more organized.

KRISTEN'S OH-SO-BIZARRE DREAM LAST NIGHT

• I was in a deep state of sleep last night. One of those deep states of sleep where are sleeping so hard that almost nothing in the world could wake you up; probably not even the second coming of Christ. In my deep sleep, I was having the most bizarre of dreams in which several different aspects of my life at this time were inter-twining. I was dreaming I was in a Catholic Church. There was some kind of ceremony going on. I'm not sure what it was because I am not terribly familiar with the Catholic church and the types of ceremonies they have. Whatever it was, though, there were people dressed up, there were pictures being taken, and I was there in the midst of it talking with Kimberley Caldwell from season 2 of American Idol (she now hosts a show on the TV Guide channel.) Kim and I were reminiscing together of our time on American Idol. Oh, yes. I was on season 2 with Kim, and made it to the top two. Whaaaa?? Anyway, somewhere in the midst of this dream, I began to hear the faint sound of music. I was wondering what was going to happen next in the ceremony, when I was awakened, finally, to the music of the baby monitor on full blast. How did it turn on? I don't know. Both girls were sound asleep in their beds where the other half of the monitor lives, therefore they could not have turned it on. Still half asleep, I got up and turned it off, and then realized that it's a pretty good thing the monitor went off, because I had to pee so bad, I might have had a lil accident had it not awaken me (recall....if the 2nd coming of Christ wouldn't even wake me up from the sleep, then how would the need to pee wake me up?!) This was about 1:30 in the morning. I decided, "I must blog about this." To read about another one of Kristen's bizarre dreams, go here.

PARDON THE INTERRUPTION, BUT FEISTY MUST SPEAK OR SHE MAY JUST HAVE AN ANEURISM.

• K,,MCF,F, dtotirtjkgkgfoeoieitrohglgfk455488ijjtgfjgtfjkgftjfgiiiifgirekirtrjjkkgfk!!!!!
• Now, I speak fluent Feisty. Interpreted, that says, "I can't stay content for a mere 10 mintues so that my Mommy can play on the computer. Therefore, I am going to harass her mercilessly by pulling on her legs, her shorts and her hair until she lets me sit on her lap and type on the computer." What? You didn't get that? Trust me, that's what it says!

Now, on with the show...

CHA-CHIIIINNNNGGG!

• Now, what do you think would be a thrill of biggest proportions for possibly the largest American Idol fan ever? Go on. Think about it for a minute. If you said, "Meeting one of the top 12 finalists in person!", then you would be right. That's right. I am that fan, and tomorrow night, the hubster and I are travelling to the "big city" to go to an Ace Young coming home concert. I am trying to convince my mom to let me secure her digital camera for the night should I have the opportunity to take a picture of the boy with the $1,000,000 smile, but she hasn't decided if she's going to part with it yet. My mom reads my blog y'all. So, if you should feel the need, go ahead and plead my case for her in the comments. Much thanks!

CARE BEARS BIG TRIP TO THE BUTTERFLY PAVILION

• Yoda and Care Bear got to go on a field trip yesterday to the Butterfly Pavilion with the church group. I wasn't sure if I should send Care Bear or not because she's still pretty young and I didn't know how she'd do on a six hour trip without me. Turns out she did just "smashingly." I was at work yesterday, so my mom took them to meet the van. When Care Bear got in the van and was secured in her car seat, she squealed, "I AM SO EXCITED I AM GOING TO FREAK OUT WHEN I GET THERE!" She had a wonderful time until she got back, fell on some stairs at the church and got a fairly large goose egg on her noggin.

I believe that concludes todays randomness because Feisty is once again at my feet and now she is dripping sticky popsicle juice on my leg. Should I get pictures of the AI, I will post them. Just for proof!

Some parting words from Feisty:

m, sadsdqwe wqsadaweeqwd eweqwedsasdasd. "I'm outta here!!! I'm bored!!"