He's Still My Hero

One of the things that made me fall in love with my husband was (is) his love for music and his ability to express himself with it. About a month after I met him and started to date him, he presented me with a "mixed tape". I had never received a mixed tape from anyone I had ever dated before. This was a new experience for me.

The next evening, I took the tape, hopped in my car and drove around the mountains close to where I live and listened to the whole thing. Like I said, I had never received a tape from anyone I had dated before, and I wasn't sure how to take the tape. Was this a tape of songs that he simply liked? Or did the have a special meaning to him with regards to me? The songs were all very sweet, and romantic (in an alternative music kinda way) and I just wasn't sure what to think after having only known him a month. And I wasn't sure how to bring up the question to him. If it was just a tape of songs he liked, I would feel stupid for reading more into it. If it was intended for a deeper meaning, I would feel bad not having realized that. I did end up asking and he did confirm that they were songs reflecting his feelings towards me. I was very flattered and instantly smitten thinking that some guy that I was going with actually took time out of his life to make me a tape. It had to have taken him at least a couple of hours. The guys I had dated in the past were all very much more self absorbed and their idea of romance was teaching me the latest health food craze, trying to get me into Amway, or cheating on me with an internet girlfriend and pathologically lying to me. So, it's an understatement to say that this was a refreshing change.

That tape was the first of many that he made me over the course of our "courtship". Whether it was another random tape of lovey dovey type songs, or if we had gotten in a fight and it was his way of saying he was sorry, I always knew that when I was presented with a tape that he was thinking about me and telling me in his own way that he loved me.

We spent a lot of time while we were dating driving around the mountains that I mentioned earlier. It became one of our favorite past times and we wasted a lot of gas doing it, but we loved to do it. We became very familiar with the back roads of those mountains and found favorite stops to hang out, picnic, hike around, or just sit in the car and listen to music together.

As the years have gone by, the tapes became less frequent. Our lives became busier, we became more comfortable with eachother, we had kids and had less time to spend doing those things that we used to love to do when we had more "freedom". I miss those times, now and then. And I miss the tapes, because I always know when I get those that the love is still there.

We have had a difficult time lately for many reasons. It's been a tough few months. It's been concerning to me. Yesterday, I woke up and there was a tape sitting on the counter with a note that said, "K--listen to some of this if you can find the time." Of course, I did. After dropping the girls off at my mom's yesterday before work, I had a half hour to kill. I drove around town in my car and popped in the tape. If I'd had more time, I would have headed up to those mountains. As I listened to the tape, my emotions got the best of me. I was thrilled that he had made the time and taken the effort to make me a tape after all this time. I was heartbroken at the message I was getting from the songs on the tape that portrayed how he has been feeling lately. And his love for me was re-affirmed in those songs that expressed that.

I fell in love with him all over again. And I realized after listening to it that we simply have to find more time for eachother and figure out who we as a couple are again. Not as Yoda, Fiesty and Care Bear's parents (which we of course are thrilled to be), but who we are as Hubby and Kristen.

I have missed my husband and I know for sure that he still loves me. The making of the tape is a sure sign.

He is most definitely, still my hero!