Celebrity News by Kristen--Issue 4

Volume 1: Issue 4
I say what others only dare to think!

**Disclaimer: I have nothing personally against any celebrities mentioned in "Celebrity News by Kristen". It is only for fun and only opinions. Please do not sue me.

Justin & Jessica
Dude. I mean, really. Duuuuuuu-huuuuude! What is up?? I am wasting far too much valuable space on "Celebrity News" on you. For real. How old are you? Twelve? You're acting like a guy who just discovered his "stuff". I mean come on! You are 26. Since about age 17 you have had two fairly successful relationships that have been fairly long term. You've now been single for a minute and a half and in three of my four issues, I have featured you with three different women. I'm about to award you a permanent slot here. So, now you've been spotted around with Jessica Biel who just recently ended a short lived fling with Derek Jeter. You were spotted with her snow-boarding and at Prince's post Golden Globes party. I give you props for taking your mom with you as your date to the party, but when a 24 year old "woman" leans over to your mom and says, "OMG...He's SOOOOOO CUTE", you might want to sprint for that door and go running back to Cam, who at least only speaks valley girl for roles she's doing. That's it: I'm officially sick of seeing your face on CNw/K. Until you can retire the jigalo persona, I'm through wichyou!

Ryan Phi1lipe

Poor, poor wittle Ryan! He's had the "most difficult time of his life" since his split from lovely wife, Ree$e Wither$poon. Forgive me for not feeling sorry for the schmuck, but it's common knowledge that the guy was cheating on her with a future co-star, Abbie Cornish. He (and his reps) refuse to comment on this rumor, but vehemently deny rumors of hard partying and drug use. So, you're silent on the adultery rumor, but loud on the other rumors. That makes your silence speak that much louder. You know you're as guilty as sin, buddy. I know, I know.....it's hard to watch your wife win role after role after role and quickly become Hollywood's highest paid actress. It must have been an even bigger blow to watch her win an Academy Award. But suck it up, dude. You are/were her husband. Remember? To love, honor and cherish?? Be happy for the girl, don't go seeking out some unknown actress who can suddenly make you feel like a man again because she doesn't have Oscar sitting on her shelf and $20 million in the bank. You're optimistic about your upcoming films and that they claim they are the "best of your career". Sorry, I won't be wasting my dolla. I still remember "I Know What You Did Last Summer".

Tori $pelling & Dean McDermott

Tori and Dean are getting ready to greet the arrival of their first child; due in April. Boy, has it ever been a busy year for Tori. Donna Martin would be appalled! Well....the virginal Donna Martin would be, anyway. Let's see: she divorces her husband of one year; begins "courting" Dean before the divorce is even final; announces she's pregnant; her daddy dies; she has a falling out with her mom; and about gets cut out of the Spelling will. If she doesn't end up getting a huge chunk of her daddy's money, I hope for her sake that she's not relying on her TV show "So NoTORIous" to support her new family. That show certainly can't be supporting the lifestyle to which she is accustomed and will definitely not afford her a diamond studded basinette.

The couple hosted a baby shower for themselves this weekend. Among the guests were Jennie Garth and Loni Anderson, who portrays her mother on "NoTORIous". Absent from the list? Her IRL Mom. Now, I don't know much about wills and estates and what not, but isn't being estranged from your real life mom but inviting your TV mom who portrays your real life mom in an un-flattering way on your TV show a pretty good way to ensure the estrangement? But what do I know?

The shower was filmed for an upcoming episode of Tori and Dean's Oxygen reality show, "Tori & Dean: Inn Love". Enough already of the newlywed reality shows! Does no-one learn? Jessica Simpson just recently relayed that her newlywed reality show was the beginning of the end for her and Nick's relationship. And now they are divorced. As are Carmen Electra and Dave Navarro. Looking for divorce #2, Tori? Methinks so.

This week's poll is on the side bar! Vote. If you want to.

And that is it for this week's edition of Celebrity News with Kristen. Come back next week for another installment. Until then, keep your eyes and ears open!