If It's A Fat Squirrel, Then It's OK.....

The weather around here this past weekend was wonderful. It almost gave me the illusion that spring might be on it's way. I know it's just an illusion though. I'm sure we'll be plummeted with snow a few more times before spring officially arrives. And then all of a sudden it'll just be summer. That's how it works around here.

Feisty has been sick all weekend. She and I took advantage of the beautiful weather for a few minutes and sat on our deck in the backyard and got some fresh air. There was a squirrel...a fat squirrel....climbing up our tree. I wondered to myself, "Is this the same fat squirrel from last summer?" Let's go back about 9 months....

It was summer. Mike was off of work for a few days, so he was charged with watching the kids when I went to work. When Daddy's in charge, just about anything can happen.

I arrived home from work at the end of the day to find the typical mess that my house becomes when I leave it for 9 hours in my husband's hands. The kids were running around enjoying the beautiful summer day. Feisty attacked me the second I got home begging for a peanut butter sandwich. I obliged and went to go make it for her. The peanut butter was sitting on the counter and she helped me make the sandwich and then ran off to play again.

Within minutes, Mike flew into the house grilling me on what peanut butter I had used to make the sandwich. "Well...the peanut butter sitting right there on the counter....DUH." I responded.

Panic engulfed his face. "A SQUIRREL GOT INTO THAT PEANUT BUTTER TODAY!! The kids had a picnic on the deck and I left the peanut butter out there and a squirrel was eating out of it!!"

Before panic hit me, my first response was, "Well, then, it's perfectly logical, isn't it, to bring it back in the house instead of throwing it away, huh?" When you're hit offensively, you respond defensively, right? At that point, I panicked. I flew to the refrigerator to find the oh-so-handy magnet on our fridge for a 24/7 1-800 to call to talk to a registered nurse.

When I finally got ahold of a nurse, she asked me a multitude of questions that truthfully, I couldn't answer very well.

"No, I don't know how much peanut butter she has eaten. I made her a sandwich. I didn't know I had to watch my daughter like a hawk when eating a peanut butter sandwich."

"No. I don't know how much of the peanut butter the squirrel ate. Does it matter?? A potentially rabid creature had it's head stuck in our peanut butter jar, that's all I know. OH, and that my husband thought it was a good idea to bring it back inside instead of throwing it away."

"No, I don't know if the squirrel is rabid. I don't have a degree in Wildlife Biology."

"No. She doesn't seem sick right now. But she ate it like, six seconds ago."

She suggested I call the poison control center.

I called them. Same questions. Same answers. Not a whole lot of concern. "Call her primary physician" they say.

Third phone call to the primary physician, just trying to find out if I should be soon expecting to see my daughter foaming from her mouth.

Primary physician is out of town for the weekend. Call the on-call doctor in his place.

The on call doctor finally calls back. Same questions. Same answers.

"Keep an eye on her. If she's going to get sick, it'll be probably in the next four hours. If she starts to vomit, don't try to stop her. OH, and by the way, was the squirrel rabid?"

"I DON'T KNOW!!!!"

"Well, was the squirrel skinny and appearing agitated, or was it fat and appearing healthy?"

"Oh, for crying out loud. HONEY! WAS THE SQUIRREL FAT OR SKINNY AND SCARY??"

Mike: "I think it was fat. You know that fat squirrel that always hangs around in our tree."

"It was fat."

Doctor: "Ok, then it probably isn't rabid. Your daughter should be fine."

Moral of the story: Don't worry if your child consumes peanut butter after a squirrel has his head in your peanut butter jar as long as the squirrel is fat.

Don't bother calling poison control or your on-call doctor. Just make sure the squirrel is fat. That's it!